Cutting
It's beginning to feel like LJ is a chore to write in. But I'm bored and I don't want to make another cut so..
I know Yuka and I aren't friends. I was so pushy when she was here but when I look back, I see now that I followed her blindly and she never let on that she felt the same friendship. It sucks.
And Meghan's going on about how she's so glad to be talking to Yuka again and that it makes her so happy and this is the most genuinely happy she's been since Yuka and Moe left and it just... it rubs it into my face that I can't do enough no matter what. I'm depressing to talk to and I'm not fun and Yuka is. Meghan is best friends with Yuka. I can't compare to it. So really, where does that leave me? Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only person who actually physically and mentally gets upset when my close friends are upset. Like, I'd cut to prevent Meghan from cutting. But I still can't shake it from my head that even though I'm cutting and I'm sad (I'm trying not to pity myself, thinking more like 'I deserve this' and 'cutting numbs me, it's nothing bad') that my friends will just say "no bb don't do that it's bad come to me :(" and as soon as they say that, put their phone down and go right back to what they were doing. When Meghan's breaking down I'm like staring at my phone worrying and hoping she feels happy soon but I guess I lack one thing. I can't make her laugh.
... My leg hurts.
Better my leg than my emotions.
But those still hurt.