Why I may be forced to become a Crazy Cat Lady
I turned 26 on my last birthday, which means I'm officially now closer to 30 than 20. This also means that the majority of my friends, with whom I spent the bulk of my early twenties clubbing, going to shows, partying, and just generally being as loud and obnoxious as humanly possible, are settling down, getting married and having babies. And while I'm genuinely happy for my friends, because they're getting what they want, I sometimes feel like I'm getting left behind.
I've known since before I hit puberty that I don't want any progeny, not ever. When asked, I say it's because I don't really like children, but in the interest of full disclosure? That's not entirely true. I mean, I love my nieces, and I'm pretty fond of all my friends' kids, but I've never really liked them emough to be interested in having any of my own. I like not having to be responsible for anyone but myself. I like being able to go out with my friends and have the night last until 3 am, if we want it to, without having to think twice about it. I've always been a little selfish, just the slightest bit self-centered, and in no way am I ready to give that up. That reads as slightly bitchy, I realize, but we're all friends here, right? I'm just being honest.
Here's the thing, though -- just because I don't want to be a mommy doesn't mean I don't want the other stuff. I want to fall in love, get married -- I'm human, after all -- but I'm starting to resign myself to the fact that that just may not be in the cards for me. My last two serious relationships ended, in part, because I don't want crotch-spawn tugging at my apron strings. Although, in my defense? Both guys knew that going in. I'm sure their lines of thinking were fairly similar: She's young, of course she doesn't want kids now, but never? Nah, she'll come around eventually. Which is understandable, them thinking that, but while I've changed my mind regarding other big life decisions, the "no kids" thing has always been constant.
I think most guys -- the ones I tend to date, at least -- want the same things as most girls: to find the right career, the right person, to get married and raise a family. And if that's what you want, then I am all for it. But more and more, I'm coming to the realization that if I'm not willing to sacrifice myself and what I want (or, more accurately, don't want), I'm never going to be asked that question, get that ring on my finger, take that walk down the aisle. This was pretty much a non-issue a couple years ago, but the closer I get to 30, the more I think about it.
I guess I also feel like this wouldn't be as big of an issue if I were a guy. I feel that I, as a woman, am expected to not only have kids, but to feel like my life is somehow incomplete without them. This is just my own perception, and I freely admit that it's colored by emotion (and two glasses of wine), but I feel like it's more socially acceptable for men to openly express their lack of desire to procreate, whereas I, by mere virtue of not possessing a Y-chromosome, have to endure countless repetitions of, "That's what I always said, and now I have [x number of] children," or, "That'll change when you're older." What these
(well-meaning, I'm sure) other, older and wiser women don't realize is that a.) I have gotten older, and b.) I am of the firm belief that any woman that doesn't use two forms of birth control is just asking to get herself knocked up, and since I have been on the Pill since I was 18 and use a condom every single time, I highly doubt an accidental pregnancy is in my future.
Which means, of course, that there's every chance that not joining my friends among the ranks of the married is in my future, so first thing tomorrow? My house is open to all the stray cats in my neighborhood.
I've known since before I hit puberty that I don't want any progeny, not ever. When asked, I say it's because I don't really like children, but in the interest of full disclosure? That's not entirely true. I mean, I love my nieces, and I'm pretty fond of all my friends' kids, but I've never really liked them emough to be interested in having any of my own. I like not having to be responsible for anyone but myself. I like being able to go out with my friends and have the night last until 3 am, if we want it to, without having to think twice about it. I've always been a little selfish, just the slightest bit self-centered, and in no way am I ready to give that up. That reads as slightly bitchy, I realize, but we're all friends here, right? I'm just being honest.
Here's the thing, though -- just because I don't want to be a mommy doesn't mean I don't want the other stuff. I want to fall in love, get married -- I'm human, after all -- but I'm starting to resign myself to the fact that that just may not be in the cards for me. My last two serious relationships ended, in part, because I don't want crotch-spawn tugging at my apron strings. Although, in my defense? Both guys knew that going in. I'm sure their lines of thinking were fairly similar: She's young, of course she doesn't want kids now, but never? Nah, she'll come around eventually. Which is understandable, them thinking that, but while I've changed my mind regarding other big life decisions, the "no kids" thing has always been constant.
I think most guys -- the ones I tend to date, at least -- want the same things as most girls: to find the right career, the right person, to get married and raise a family. And if that's what you want, then I am all for it. But more and more, I'm coming to the realization that if I'm not willing to sacrifice myself and what I want (or, more accurately, don't want), I'm never going to be asked that question, get that ring on my finger, take that walk down the aisle. This was pretty much a non-issue a couple years ago, but the closer I get to 30, the more I think about it.
I guess I also feel like this wouldn't be as big of an issue if I were a guy. I feel that I, as a woman, am expected to not only have kids, but to feel like my life is somehow incomplete without them. This is just my own perception, and I freely admit that it's colored by emotion (and two glasses of wine), but I feel like it's more socially acceptable for men to openly express their lack of desire to procreate, whereas I, by mere virtue of not possessing a Y-chromosome, have to endure countless repetitions of, "That's what I always said, and now I have [x number of] children," or, "That'll change when you're older." What these
(well-meaning, I'm sure) other, older and wiser women don't realize is that a.) I have gotten older, and b.) I am of the firm belief that any woman that doesn't use two forms of birth control is just asking to get herself knocked up, and since I have been on the Pill since I was 18 and use a condom every single time, I highly doubt an accidental pregnancy is in my future.
Which means, of course, that there's every chance that not joining my friends among the ranks of the married is in my future, so first thing tomorrow? My house is open to all the stray cats in my neighborhood.