Harper's Island re-watch: 'Thrack, Splat, Sizzle' & 'Gurgle'
My weekly postings have been lagging but the Harper's Island episodes on Monday on the Chiller channel have been airing frequently and repetitively so I haven't missed any episodes yet. Next two, order up!
** Light Spoilers beyond here for anyone who hasn't watched this bangin' horror miniseries yet. **
Previously, it was not fun times for rich snobby daddies since both the bride's dad and the creepy little girl's dad got totally run through with pointy objects. The murder of Papa Wellington is the only one everyone knows about since it happened right before the guests' eyes and they don't seem to care about the dwindling number of guests as every episode comes and goes. In any case, the bride is all somber and mopey and the wedding is called off meaning the guests are ready to leave the evil island of evilness.
Jimmy and Abby still manage to make lemonade out of these murder lemons by sharing a sweet and sad moment that segues into a flashback, back when Abby was still living on the island and dating Jimmy (and in fact there are several Jimmy/Abby flashback scenes throughout the 'Thrack, Splat, Sizzle' episode. Did I mention how much that title amuses me?) Oh, and you can tell they're young high schoolers because Abby has a ponytail and Jimmy is clean shaven. Yeah. Very convincing, Hollywood.
Meanwhile, in non-flashback land, evidence points to Henry's brother, JD, being the killer and an all out manhunt begins with Henry joining the sheriff and providing a bit of his own backstory (too bad he and his brother don't get their own flashbacks). At least I can enjoy my two favorite male characters on screen together having a conversation. Now for the other end of the "male bonding" spectrum: the other groomsmen finally find out about their friend, Booth's, accidental death and the money that their token fat guy friend hid in his bag. They get angry at him and declare they're going to tell the sheriff everything. The fat guy burns the money in a giant, totally not-safe incinerator and I'd say that he's back to square one with his financial problems except that he gets killed at the end of this episode. The plumper ones always take longer to cook, killer guy.
Abby tries to comfort poor non-bride Trish and they bond over their murdered parents. An old deputy we've never heard of until the fairy of convenience needed him sneaks up on Abby looking all scarred and spooky. He claims her dad isn't as truthful as he seems and more flashbacks show how she stumbled upon her dead mother's body then got coldly sent away to the mainland by her daddy. Also, apparently, the old murderer Wakefield knew Abby's mother back in the day. Also, the man hunters finally find JD with Henry delivering a cool flying tackle. JD of course insists he's innocent.
Wallowing Won't-Wed Trish reveals she indirectly blames Henry for her father's death (will she still feel that way when they find out JD is so obviously innocent?) If I didn't dislike her and her stupid little family so much I'd almost feel sympathetic. The first of these two episodes ends with Abby trying to get Trishy-poo to rethink the whole not-getting-married-to-Henry thing because, hey, she won't be getting a refund on that wedding dress no matter what happened to her daddy. That scene was followed by the much more preferable and non-grating scene between Abby and Jimmy where she thanks him for saving her life back when they were young lovaaahhhs (via one of the many flashbacks) and then they pretty much make-up and make-out. D'aawww... they're much sweeter together than Trash, er, Trish and Henry.
But of course, that creepy little girl has to ruin the moment and screw up everyone's chances of escaping alive by getting her stupid ass kidnapped. And it wouldn't have happened if her aimless, moronic mother was actually keeping an eye on her. Am I being irrationally angry? Perhaps but it's just my remembering how this ends and how much these two annoying females get away with. Blegh. Speaking of people I don't necessarily want to see, looky who we have still in jail. Crazy ole' Shane will be sharing a cell with suspected murderer JD. Too bad it doesn't last long since there's some sudden power outage and the only guard on duty gets shot allowing JD to escape. Buh-bye Shane.
Much of 'Gurgle' revolves around the wedding party splitting up and looking for Madison. She's not in the basement or the kitchen freezer or the lake. They do however manage to find the body of Madison's dad (ruling him out as a potential kidnapper). The girl finally calls Abby 20 minutes into the episode to give some half-hearted message about everyone staying on the island lest they endanger poor wittle Madison's life. I'd sooner stay to save that shivery little poodle dog the sheriff found (I believe that dog belonged to one of the bridesmaids who got burned up many episodes back.) Oh, and lest I forget, my poor old sheriff got caught in a forest booby trap and spends about half the episode struggling in the woods before being rescued by his scarred deputy who makes his second and, I believe, last appearance. Now the creators are just stalling by killing off people they just introduced.
Back at the large hotel where the non-wedding was to take place, Groomsman Sully makes an understandable case for leaving the island (how do they know creepy girl isn't playing one of her creepy games? She didn't even sound scared over the phone.) The Single Sadsack Trish slaps Sully and if I were him I'd just sneak off the island when they all slept. I suppose arming himself and a few of the other men with the island hotel's emergency shotguns on the off chance he'll "accidentally" shoot one of the Wellington women is a reasonable revenge alternative. It would be especially believable once the power gets cut off and sends the second half of the episode into X-Files/Supernatural level darkness. Why do horror/sci-fi/mystery shows have terrible lighting? You'd think the protagonists would start carrying flashlights and avoiding dark, moonlight strolls where the boogie men are just itching to jump out.
The injured sheriff isn't safe in his deputy's cabin, not because the facially disfigured deputy is hell bent on plausible revenge, but because some archer has gone night shooting and starts using the cabin as target practice. Luckily Abby finds the cabin and saves her dad but not the Phantom of the Harper-a. Oh hey, looks like Sully and a few others are taking my idea of sneaking away in a stolen boat while the Wellington women are all distracted. But Chloe and Cal chicken out at the last minute and see JD the escapee. Abby's crew end up at the same place and it's Abby's knack for finding things that leads her to the black sheep JD, who's been gutted like a, well, sheep, I guess. Looks like our best suspect is bleeding out in front of a traumatized Abby. And there's also a man in the shadows behind her. Uh oh.
Now that wraps up my little summary recap thing I seem to have going but I want to address something a little different.
Okay, so, I've seen a trailer for Katie Cassidy's most recent movie role, some little mistaken identity teeny bopper affair alongside a Disney tween-turned-jailbait and one of the Gossip Girls. I'm not saying it annoys me that Katie's doing so well (I'm sure the actress is a nice person even if the characters I've seen her play so far really piss me off), I just wish the similarly-surnamed Elaine Cassidy (the pretty actress playing Abby) had more mainstream/major movie or TV roles. The only recognizable movie I see she's been in was 'The Others' and I remember seeing that movie about a year ago and I cannot remember seeing Elaine in it so you know her role was small. (Or my crappy memory is acting up again.)
That's it. It would be a dream if Elaine had a role on Supernatural. Bizarre reunion with her sheriff daddy! I could totally ship her with Sam or Dean. Unless they decide to slut her up. But even so she looks so sweet, the writers could probably make her bitchslap Castiel and knee Bobby in the jewels and she'd still have my love. Though to be fair I'm thinking Castiel needs a good bitchslapping after what he's done. I keep saying I'm gonna post my thoughts on Supernatural's recent season here but I keep putting it off! I guess I can find some comfort in knowing fans overseas are probably still not done with season 6, and for all I know I may have some international readers. Or reader. Very bored reader who googled Greek mythology and maybe Harper's Bazaar or something. Hmm.
** Light Spoilers beyond here for anyone who hasn't watched this bangin' horror miniseries yet. **
Previously, it was not fun times for rich snobby daddies since both the bride's dad and the creepy little girl's dad got totally run through with pointy objects. The murder of Papa Wellington is the only one everyone knows about since it happened right before the guests' eyes and they don't seem to care about the dwindling number of guests as every episode comes and goes. In any case, the bride is all somber and mopey and the wedding is called off meaning the guests are ready to leave the evil island of evilness.
Jimmy and Abby still manage to make lemonade out of these murder lemons by sharing a sweet and sad moment that segues into a flashback, back when Abby was still living on the island and dating Jimmy (and in fact there are several Jimmy/Abby flashback scenes throughout the 'Thrack, Splat, Sizzle' episode. Did I mention how much that title amuses me?) Oh, and you can tell they're young high schoolers because Abby has a ponytail and Jimmy is clean shaven. Yeah. Very convincing, Hollywood.
Meanwhile, in non-flashback land, evidence points to Henry's brother, JD, being the killer and an all out manhunt begins with Henry joining the sheriff and providing a bit of his own backstory (too bad he and his brother don't get their own flashbacks). At least I can enjoy my two favorite male characters on screen together having a conversation. Now for the other end of the "male bonding" spectrum: the other groomsmen finally find out about their friend, Booth's, accidental death and the money that their token fat guy friend hid in his bag. They get angry at him and declare they're going to tell the sheriff everything. The fat guy burns the money in a giant, totally not-safe incinerator and I'd say that he's back to square one with his financial problems except that he gets killed at the end of this episode. The plumper ones always take longer to cook, killer guy.
Abby tries to comfort poor non-bride Trish and they bond over their murdered parents. An old deputy we've never heard of until the fairy of convenience needed him sneaks up on Abby looking all scarred and spooky. He claims her dad isn't as truthful as he seems and more flashbacks show how she stumbled upon her dead mother's body then got coldly sent away to the mainland by her daddy. Also, apparently, the old murderer Wakefield knew Abby's mother back in the day. Also, the man hunters finally find JD with Henry delivering a cool flying tackle. JD of course insists he's innocent.
Wallowing Won't-Wed Trish reveals she indirectly blames Henry for her father's death (will she still feel that way when they find out JD is so obviously innocent?) If I didn't dislike her and her stupid little family so much I'd almost feel sympathetic. The first of these two episodes ends with Abby trying to get Trishy-poo to rethink the whole not-getting-married-to-Henry thing because, hey, she won't be getting a refund on that wedding dress no matter what happened to her daddy. That scene was followed by the much more preferable and non-grating scene between Abby and Jimmy where she thanks him for saving her life back when they were young lovaaahhhs (via one of the many flashbacks) and then they pretty much make-up and make-out. D'aawww... they're much sweeter together than Trash, er, Trish and Henry.
But of course, that creepy little girl has to ruin the moment and screw up everyone's chances of escaping alive by getting her stupid ass kidnapped. And it wouldn't have happened if her aimless, moronic mother was actually keeping an eye on her. Am I being irrationally angry? Perhaps but it's just my remembering how this ends and how much these two annoying females get away with. Blegh. Speaking of people I don't necessarily want to see, looky who we have still in jail. Crazy ole' Shane will be sharing a cell with suspected murderer JD. Too bad it doesn't last long since there's some sudden power outage and the only guard on duty gets shot allowing JD to escape. Buh-bye Shane.
Much of 'Gurgle' revolves around the wedding party splitting up and looking for Madison. She's not in the basement or the kitchen freezer or the lake. They do however manage to find the body of Madison's dad (ruling him out as a potential kidnapper). The girl finally calls Abby 20 minutes into the episode to give some half-hearted message about everyone staying on the island lest they endanger poor wittle Madison's life. I'd sooner stay to save that shivery little poodle dog the sheriff found (I believe that dog belonged to one of the bridesmaids who got burned up many episodes back.) Oh, and lest I forget, my poor old sheriff got caught in a forest booby trap and spends about half the episode struggling in the woods before being rescued by his scarred deputy who makes his second and, I believe, last appearance. Now the creators are just stalling by killing off people they just introduced.
Back at the large hotel where the non-wedding was to take place, Groomsman Sully makes an understandable case for leaving the island (how do they know creepy girl isn't playing one of her creepy games? She didn't even sound scared over the phone.) The Single Sadsack Trish slaps Sully and if I were him I'd just sneak off the island when they all slept. I suppose arming himself and a few of the other men with the island hotel's emergency shotguns on the off chance he'll "accidentally" shoot one of the Wellington women is a reasonable revenge alternative. It would be especially believable once the power gets cut off and sends the second half of the episode into X-Files/Supernatural level darkness. Why do horror/sci-fi/mystery shows have terrible lighting? You'd think the protagonists would start carrying flashlights and avoiding dark, moonlight strolls where the boogie men are just itching to jump out.
The injured sheriff isn't safe in his deputy's cabin, not because the facially disfigured deputy is hell bent on plausible revenge, but because some archer has gone night shooting and starts using the cabin as target practice. Luckily Abby finds the cabin and saves her dad but not the Phantom of the Harper-a. Oh hey, looks like Sully and a few others are taking my idea of sneaking away in a stolen boat while the Wellington women are all distracted. But Chloe and Cal chicken out at the last minute and see JD the escapee. Abby's crew end up at the same place and it's Abby's knack for finding things that leads her to the black sheep JD, who's been gutted like a, well, sheep, I guess. Looks like our best suspect is bleeding out in front of a traumatized Abby. And there's also a man in the shadows behind her. Uh oh.
Now that wraps up my little summary recap thing I seem to have going but I want to address something a little different.
Okay, so, I've seen a trailer for Katie Cassidy's most recent movie role, some little mistaken identity teeny bopper affair alongside a Disney tween-turned-jailbait and one of the Gossip Girls. I'm not saying it annoys me that Katie's doing so well (I'm sure the actress is a nice person even if the characters I've seen her play so far really piss me off), I just wish the similarly-surnamed Elaine Cassidy (the pretty actress playing Abby) had more mainstream/major movie or TV roles. The only recognizable movie I see she's been in was 'The Others' and I remember seeing that movie about a year ago and I cannot remember seeing Elaine in it so you know her role was small. (Or my crappy memory is acting up again.)
That's it. It would be a dream if Elaine had a role on Supernatural. Bizarre reunion with her sheriff daddy! I could totally ship her with Sam or Dean. Unless they decide to slut her up. But even so she looks so sweet, the writers could probably make her bitchslap Castiel and knee Bobby in the jewels and she'd still have my love. Though to be fair I'm thinking Castiel needs a good bitchslapping after what he's done. I keep saying I'm gonna post my thoughts on Supernatural's recent season here but I keep putting it off! I guess I can find some comfort in knowing fans overseas are probably still not done with season 6, and for all I know I may have some international readers. Or reader. Very bored reader who googled Greek mythology and maybe Harper's Bazaar or something. Hmm.