Chapter 20 - Remember
CHAPTER 20
“You feel like doing anything today?” Tango asked, leaning against Matti’s door frame. Matti continued to stare out her window, her knees pulled to her chest. After a few moments, Tango got an idea. “Let’s go to the park.”
“I really don’t feel like going out.” Matti mumbled.
“When was the last time you went out? You've been cooped up in hotel rooms and houses and hospitals…” He trailed off. Walking towards her, he grabbed her hand and started pulling her towards the door. “We’re going to the park.”
*****
“I’m not going on those things.” Matti said, her arms folded over her chest.
“Aw, come on!” Tango said, holding a rusty looking chain in his hands. “I’ll even do it too.” He said, sitting in a swing and beginning to swing back and forth.
“They look like they’re about to break!” Matti said, eyeing the old looking swing set.
Tango shot her a large grin as he started to swing higher. “Come on!” Matti continued to stand there, shaking her head but he could see the hint of a smile hiding behind her lips. “Get on the damn swing, Hawes!” he yelled as he swung higher, a large grin on his face.
Rolling her eyes, she couldn’t stop the smile from forming on her lips and she sighed as she walked over to the swing next to Tango and sat down. Suddenly, she was jerked sideways and forward as Tango grabbed her swing by the chain, pulling her up as he swung.
“What are you doing?” She laughed, holding onto the chains.
All she received in return was a laugh as Tango continued to swing, still holding onto her swing. Letting her go at the peak of the swing, she swung back, spinning in circles and she couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted from her. Tango smiled as she straightened out and began leaning back to make herself swing higher.
“So what do you want to do now?” Tango asked, sitting in the grass beside her. When he didn’t get an answer, he looked over her. She was watching a few kids roll down the large hill they were sitting on, a faint smile on her lips. Smirking, he nudged her with his shoulder and held out his hand. “Take my hand.”
She looked at him curiously. “What? Why?”
“Just take my hand, damn it.” he said, trying to hold back a smile.
Matti rolled her eyes and looked back over at the kids. Tango cleared his throat, his hand still out for her to take. Sighing, she placed her hand in his. “What is this all…” She never got to finish her sentence as Tango suddenly threw both of them forward, down the hill. Still hand in hand, they rolled to the bottom of the hill, covered in grass. Sitting up, she tried to glare at him but found it difficult seeing grass sticking out from his hair and stuck to his face.
Seeing a smirk on her face, Tango faked stupid. “What?” He asked, reaching up completely missing the grass and dirt on his face. “Do I have something on my face?”
Matti shook her head, a small smile on her lips, and stood up to stretch. Getting another idea, Tango crawled between her legs and stood up. She grabbed onto his shoulders as she felt herself being lifted. “Tango, what are you doing!”
“It’s called a piggyback ride!” He laughed, holding onto her legs that wrapped around him.
*****
Tango lay in bed that night, his arms folded behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. He replayed his day with Matti in his head. Today was the first day she hadn’t gotten sick and she had stopped shaking. Frowning, he reminded himself that while she may have felt better today, she still had a long way to go before she was completely okay. There was a light knock on his door and he glanced over at his clock; 11:03pm. He climbed out of bed and opened his bedroom door.
“Hey, everything alright?” he asked, seeing Matti on the other side.
She stood in here pajamas and a black zip up hoodie, playing with the ends of her sleeves. She nodded before suddenly wrapping her arms around his torso and hugging him. Taken back, he stood there with his arms raised slightly, before realizing what was happening and hugging her back.
“Thank you for today.” She whispered, her head resting against his chest, her hair tickling his nose.
Tango closed his eyes, as they hugged. She smelt like honey and peaches. He felt her pull away and he opened his eyes. She was staring at him curiously.
He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, no problem.”
“Goodnight.”
Tango watched her walk down the hall and into her room, her door closing quietly behind her. He stood there for a few minutes thinking about what had just happened before he whispered “Goodnight” and returned to his bed. Laying down, he began to think about their day again. His heart swelled at the memory of her laugh and suddenly all he could see was her smile.
*****
I lay in bed thinking about my day with Tango. I can’t help but smile remembering the feeling of his hand taking mine. I can feel my heart begin to beat faster at the memory. My face hurts from smiling and I realize its been too long since I’ve felt this way. Not since Steve and Grant. My smile is gone now. What is wrong with me? I can’t have these feelings for Tango. I can’t. I refuse to. Then I remember that its been weeks since I talked or heard from either of them. Weeks since I’ve heard from Kris or even my parents. Weeks since Tango has left for a case. Pulling out my cell phone I send a text to Steve. I tell him that I’m sorry for everything I’ve put him through and that I miss talking to him. I tell him that I feel like I’m getting better and today was the first day I didn’t get sick. His reply is quick. He tells me that he understands and that if what happened between us didn’t happen, him and Kris wouldn’t have realized their feelings for each other. We text back and forth for another hour talking about everything that has changed in our lives since we last talked. Finally I confess to him my budding feelings for Tango. It takes him a while to reply. He says that he’s cant say he isn’t hurt, but he gives us his blessing if anything happens. I find myself apologizing to him again and again and that I never meant for any of this to happen. I’m about to tell him that I did love him when I realize that we never said it. Neither one of us. He replies to my previous text saying that I don’t need to apologize and that while it may hurt that I have had feelings not only for his boss, but his best friend as well, he’s happy for me. He thinks Tango and I will be good for each other.
I don’t bother replying. I don’t know what to say, all I know is that some of the guilt has been lifted. Sighing, I send a text to Grant. My conversation with him goes better than it did with Steve. He tells me that he’s sorry about everything that happened too and he wishes it would have ended differently, but he’s thankful for the time we were able to be together. He tells me that he still loves me, but we’re better off this way and that him and Reanna are actually trying to work things out now. I ask if he’s spoken to my dad since the hospital. He tells me that dad called him a week after it happened, apologizing for hurting him and that they talked it out. He still didn’t forgive him for being with me the way he was, but they were working towards rebuilding their friendship. I take a deep breath before telling him about my feelings for Tango. I tell him how confused I am; how scared I am. I tell him about my guilt. A few minutes later, I read his text and I have an inkling that Steve may have gotten in touch with him before me because he tells me almost the exact thing that Steve said. He says he will always have feelings for me but we’re both better off this way and that if I’m going to fall for someone new, Tango is a good choice. We continue to text back and forth until he falls asleep.
I lay in bed, wide awake before throwing off my covers and grabbing my old notebook from my guitar case. Smiling at the memories of my day with Tango, I write until the sun comes up.
