(no subject)
MINE
the bleek october days hit me hard
like a bullet
in the back
my gut instict tells me to run
but im being held due to lack
of self reassurance
and my marriage fact
he is attached to me now
i cant let go
and break free
of my mind insanity
but in my heart
i dont want to let go
i want to stay
and be loved
until he wont anymore
until he finds someone better
which could be happening right now
i want to be his wife
his lover
his best friend
for eternity
the thought of someone else
never crosses my mind
his is my one
my only
mine.
Today a question was proposed to me by a work friend, because thats all i have now, work friends.
they asked me "what is your fondest memory?"
How do you answer a question like that?
At first it was the memory of my wedding day, that is a very fond one, and very fresh. But then i looked at this person and said " i don't have just one, i have a million, i have a 3/4 years worth. It started the summer between my junior and senior years of high school and didn't stop until february of 2003. "
and then i walked away. its 1048 right now. i have not done any work simply because i can't focus. i haven't been able to focus all week. I am so depressed its not funny. and why should i be? i have no reason to be depressed now. early this week i was upset because of my aunt, but my gut told me she would be okay. last night my grandmother called and told me her surgery went great and she is even awake and telling jokes. but i am depressed. i am depressed because i has finally hit me that i no longer have my freedom to do whatever i want. i am married, i have to consult my husband before i do anything drastic, before i make any changes. im not saying that i regret getting married to mike, because i dont. i love him and whether i did it now or twenty years from now it would still be the same. i realize that my freedom has disappeared and it hurts me. people like me survive on changing. now that i cant i dont know how to act. micheal is my husband and he makes me happy at night when we lie in bed and he tickles me and then kisses me and makes love to me. he makes me happy when he comes home from work and im napping but only pretending to be asleep and he knows it and tucks me in tighter and kisses my forehead. he makes me happy when he begs me to get up in the morning with him to make him lunch and see him off to work. he even made me happy this morning even though he left with my car keys in his jacket pocket. he works for me. he works long hard days to bring money home to me to pay our bills and buy me pretty things. he comes home at night and doesnt "go out with the boys" or "goes out for a beer" or anything like that. he comes home to me. he wears his wedding band like a medal of honor and doesn't hesitate to stand up to anyone who is making me stand down. i can hide behind him when i am frightened and i can stand in front of him when someone challegens our love and devotion to one another, but mostly i stand next to him, being proud that he is my husband and ONLY MINE. whenever i get really depressed i think of our wedding day, i think of the way i almost choked when it was mine turn to say those vows and i think of the way he didnt once falter and said every word confidently and proudly. i remember the look he had on his face when he told me that we would be together forever and always and through sickness and health. and the way that he looked at me when i literally choked when i said "i do". i remember the way he just stared into my eyes when i started to cry and i remember how i couldnt tell if those tears were from happiness or sadness. there is no doubt in my mind that they were tears of happiness now. i remember how different that kiss was from any other kiss that we have ever shared. but most importantly i know that every kiss that he gives me now will be just as sweet if not sweeter that that first kiss. i remember how as we kissed i was taken back to the first time we kissed in the bathroom of my mother's house when he ran away so many years ago. god, it seems like ages. i know that mike loves me and that no one will ever be able to love me as he does and if they do, it wont feel nearly as good. he is my soul mate and even if things go down hill and we aren't together anymore i know that i will never find someone to replace him. not in a million life times or millenia.
i only love him. and if you are wondering about that other person, jon, i havent spoken to him in a long while, nor do i wish to.
Mrs. Micheal P. Brady, REALTOR®
the bleek october days hit me hard
like a bullet
in the back
my gut instict tells me to run
but im being held due to lack
of self reassurance
and my marriage fact
he is attached to me now
i cant let go
and break free
of my mind insanity
but in my heart
i dont want to let go
i want to stay
and be loved
until he wont anymore
until he finds someone better
which could be happening right now
i want to be his wife
his lover
his best friend
for eternity
the thought of someone else
never crosses my mind
his is my one
my only
mine.
Today a question was proposed to me by a work friend, because thats all i have now, work friends.
they asked me "what is your fondest memory?"
How do you answer a question like that?
At first it was the memory of my wedding day, that is a very fond one, and very fresh. But then i looked at this person and said " i don't have just one, i have a million, i have a 3/4 years worth. It started the summer between my junior and senior years of high school and didn't stop until february of 2003. "
and then i walked away. its 1048 right now. i have not done any work simply because i can't focus. i haven't been able to focus all week. I am so depressed its not funny. and why should i be? i have no reason to be depressed now. early this week i was upset because of my aunt, but my gut told me she would be okay. last night my grandmother called and told me her surgery went great and she is even awake and telling jokes. but i am depressed. i am depressed because i has finally hit me that i no longer have my freedom to do whatever i want. i am married, i have to consult my husband before i do anything drastic, before i make any changes. im not saying that i regret getting married to mike, because i dont. i love him and whether i did it now or twenty years from now it would still be the same. i realize that my freedom has disappeared and it hurts me. people like me survive on changing. now that i cant i dont know how to act. micheal is my husband and he makes me happy at night when we lie in bed and he tickles me and then kisses me and makes love to me. he makes me happy when he comes home from work and im napping but only pretending to be asleep and he knows it and tucks me in tighter and kisses my forehead. he makes me happy when he begs me to get up in the morning with him to make him lunch and see him off to work. he even made me happy this morning even though he left with my car keys in his jacket pocket. he works for me. he works long hard days to bring money home to me to pay our bills and buy me pretty things. he comes home at night and doesnt "go out with the boys" or "goes out for a beer" or anything like that. he comes home to me. he wears his wedding band like a medal of honor and doesn't hesitate to stand up to anyone who is making me stand down. i can hide behind him when i am frightened and i can stand in front of him when someone challegens our love and devotion to one another, but mostly i stand next to him, being proud that he is my husband and ONLY MINE. whenever i get really depressed i think of our wedding day, i think of the way i almost choked when it was mine turn to say those vows and i think of the way he didnt once falter and said every word confidently and proudly. i remember the look he had on his face when he told me that we would be together forever and always and through sickness and health. and the way that he looked at me when i literally choked when i said "i do". i remember the way he just stared into my eyes when i started to cry and i remember how i couldnt tell if those tears were from happiness or sadness. there is no doubt in my mind that they were tears of happiness now. i remember how different that kiss was from any other kiss that we have ever shared. but most importantly i know that every kiss that he gives me now will be just as sweet if not sweeter that that first kiss. i remember how as we kissed i was taken back to the first time we kissed in the bathroom of my mother's house when he ran away so many years ago. god, it seems like ages. i know that mike loves me and that no one will ever be able to love me as he does and if they do, it wont feel nearly as good. he is my soul mate and even if things go down hill and we aren't together anymore i know that i will never find someone to replace him. not in a million life times or millenia.
i only love him. and if you are wondering about that other person, jon, i havent spoken to him in a long while, nor do i wish to.
Mrs. Micheal P. Brady, REALTOR®