thanks everyone...
I really appreciate what everyone who commented said to me on my last post. It really helps to know that there are supportive people there for me.
I have been doing so much thinking since my "confession" two weeks ago. Afterward I had some conversations that I really should have had years ago and it felt really good to be honest with people who have always meant so much to me and who I always felt like I was hiding a huge part of myself from. I'm still trying to figure out what I do in regards to all the other people in my life as well as what I do from here in regards to building some kind of life for myself.
The one person in my life I do not want to lose is the one who I am worried about telling the most. It's torturing me! If she feels uncomfortable being around lesbians, which she once said, would she start to feel uncomfortable with me since I have been attracted to women? Truth is, I think she's the most amazing person I've ever met, and I really don't want to lose her friendship but we have very different backgrounds and religious beliefs and I'm afraid that will cause her to feel awkward with me even though she's a really kind, caring and honest person. I'm not sure what to do.
Yesterday I was taking a walk with my mother and mom starts telling me I should start dating because I was telling her about this weird 45 year old man who was hitting on me at work yesterday. Thanks mom. I shut down the conversation before it could get into that nice awkward place where I start hyperventilating and she starts talking about "having a partner or a boyfriend" and I want to run in front of a car.
I'm a solitary person. I've always been. I'm also really introverted and I'd say repressed and I think dating is going to be a really horrible process especially if I haven't completely sorted out my sexuality which is why I ignore the whole dating scene completely. I think I'm too messed up and jaded to really have any kind of healthy relationship anyway.
I'm going to end this on a positive note. The new Cobra Starship cd is amazing and everyone should buy it when it comes out or find it online to listen to.
I have been doing so much thinking since my "confession" two weeks ago. Afterward I had some conversations that I really should have had years ago and it felt really good to be honest with people who have always meant so much to me and who I always felt like I was hiding a huge part of myself from. I'm still trying to figure out what I do in regards to all the other people in my life as well as what I do from here in regards to building some kind of life for myself.
The one person in my life I do not want to lose is the one who I am worried about telling the most. It's torturing me! If she feels uncomfortable being around lesbians, which she once said, would she start to feel uncomfortable with me since I have been attracted to women? Truth is, I think she's the most amazing person I've ever met, and I really don't want to lose her friendship but we have very different backgrounds and religious beliefs and I'm afraid that will cause her to feel awkward with me even though she's a really kind, caring and honest person. I'm not sure what to do.
Yesterday I was taking a walk with my mother and mom starts telling me I should start dating because I was telling her about this weird 45 year old man who was hitting on me at work yesterday. Thanks mom. I shut down the conversation before it could get into that nice awkward place where I start hyperventilating and she starts talking about "having a partner or a boyfriend" and I want to run in front of a car.
I'm a solitary person. I've always been. I'm also really introverted and I'd say repressed and I think dating is going to be a really horrible process especially if I haven't completely sorted out my sexuality which is why I ignore the whole dating scene completely. I think I'm too messed up and jaded to really have any kind of healthy relationship anyway.
I'm going to end this on a positive note. The new Cobra Starship cd is amazing and everyone should buy it when it comes out or find it online to listen to.