The Thief #2: The Thwarting of the Thief (1/1)
The Thwarting of the Thief
Rating: Teen
Genre: Gen, Episode-Related, Humor, Pre-Ship (Daniel/Vala)
Timeline: Season 08
Warnings: Adult Themes
Summary: Vala's quest to catch "her" Daniel continues
Series: The Thief and the Archaeologist (The Thief)
Word Count: 3,144
Awards: None
The Thwarting of the Thief
"A great many men, who are sane and reasonable in other matters, allow themselves,
on the slightest provocation, to be worked into a fever over the aspirations of women."
-Robert Grant, The Art of Living
The cantina was noisy, dark, and filled with a number of disreputable individuals... just the way Yvondra Amicass liked it. As a dealer in information, she specialized in the shady, under-handed transactions that frequented a dive like this, and had pretty well made this particular establishment her home. Once her reputation had begun to grow, it wasn't uncommon for people to seek her out there. Comfortably resting in her favorite booth, she idly swished her drink while waiting for her client to arrive.
The former Lo'taur to Svarog had begun her career while still working for the false god. The position of 'most-trusted' servant to the powerful System Lord enabled her to overhear some of the best-kept secrets in the galaxy. Her beauty, brains, and quick thinking had done the rest, elevating her status in a very short time after her falling-out with Svarog.
Sometimes, people came to her seeking a specific bit of information, and if she didn't have it, they'd go elsewhere. Most of the time, though, the client would then commission her to "get" it. Once the information was collected, she'd contact the buyer and "deliver the goods". Some missions were fairly mundane, others were far from ordinary.
This one was one of the more interesting contracts. A fairly well-known thief and opportunist-and, curiously, one of the few people Yvondra would consider a friend-had requested information on a target who was both extremely easy and astonishingly difficult to gain intelligence on, and was apparently not spoken of by any of the remaining System Lords directly. Then there was the intriguing little fact that Yvondra herself had once met the individual in question and not even known it! "Daniel Jackson," said the warrant on the marker, but she had known him by a different name. Her curiosity most definitely piqued, Yvondra agreed, not realizing at the time how difficult learning anything substantial would prove.
Even if I had known, she thought to herself, I'd probably have accepted, anyway. What a remarkable challenge! Then there was the obligation she had to fulfill to a certain other client... but if all went well, that would take care of itself soon enough.
A sudden burst of whistles and cat-calls drew her attention to the door, where she witnessed Vala Mal Doran walk into the cantina wearing... Well, it was actually far easier to describe what she wasn't wearing, as it left little to the imagination of even the most cerebrally under-developed creature in the room. Spotting Yvondra immediately, the dark-haired exhibitionist made her way through the bar and seated herself in the high-backed bench across the table.
"Hello, Yvondra," she practically purred. "Do you have a something nice for me?"
"Oh, I might. What are you looking for?"
"Hmmm... Well, that information you were supposed to collect for me, for starters."
"Oh, that," Yvondra smiled back, enjoying the game. "You know I can't work without the proper context, love. Why do you need this little tidbit?"
"Because he's responsible for the Lucien fiasco, love," the thief replied equally. "I'd practically gift-packaged that ship and hand-delivered it, when he decided not to give it up!"
"Oh, so that's why-"
"Not that I blame him of course," Vala amended. "After all, it was his ship to begin with and I didn't exactly request his permission. Still, I'd gone through all the trouble of arranging for Tenat O'Varan and his little goon to meet me with the naquadah, and he messed up the trade!"
"Can't say that I blame him, either," Yvondra grinned, momentarily dropping the act. "So... did you use feminine wiles to charm him or did you simply knock him over the head?"
"Knocked him over the head, then tried to seduce him. Neither worked. That man's as stubborn as a Tigorian paktish!" she pouted. One could never be sure if her sultry personality was an act or not, as it rarely wavered. Yvondra admired her for that. "Anyway, what's the latest from the War of the Lords?"
"Baal's wearing them all down," the broker answered. "Word is that Amateratsu's had half her armada wiped out by some mysterious force, which also seems to be giving Baal some trouble, too."
"The Jaffa Rebellion? The Tau'ri?"
"Not according to my source, but then again, the System Lords don't talk about the Tau'ri anyway. No, this new adversary is apparently some sort of anthropoid automaton."
"A mechanical bug? That's ridiculous."
"It sounded pretty far-fetched to me, too, but my source is generally reliable... though easily distracted." Yvondra inhaled deeply, causing her bosom to strain against the fabric covering it.
Vala grinned wickedly, understanding the unspoken meaning quite well. "So... if the System Lords don't talk about the Tau'ri, how were you able to get information about my Daniel?"
The eavesdropper on the bench behind the broker twitched, but thankfully said nothing as Yvondra replied, "'Your' Daniel? You don't even know who he is, but you've taken up proprietorship already?"
"An entire case of refined, weapons-grade naquadah, Yvondra, that's what he cost me!" Vala cried, exasperated.
"So you think you'll be able to recoup your losses by turning him in for the reward? Hate to break it to you, love, but Osiris and Anubis are both dead. Collecting that pay-off is impossible."
"Oh, I have no intention of trying to collect on the bounty. Let's just say, I plan to work out the payment arrangements... personally."
In other terms, thought Yvondra, she intends to seduce him, then rob him blind. It was Vala's standard ploy, and the gullible men of the galaxy still fell for it. "If you insist," she smiled knowingly.
"So? What can you tell me?"
"I can say with all honesty that I have never worked a contract that was both as easy and as difficult to produce results as this one. You and this marker both say his name is 'Daniel Jackson', of the Tau'ri group known as SG-1. I knew him as a Lo'taur, Jarren."
Vala twitched in her seat. "You knew him? And you didn't tell me this because...?"
"Met him briefly, more like. Never actually talked to him."
"When? Where?"
Yvondra's brows rose. She hadn't seen Vala this genuinely interested in anything since... Well, was anything ever genuine with her? "How much do you know about my past, love?"
"You were once the Lo'taur to Svarog, but had some sort of falling-out with him about three years ago," Vala replied with a careless shrug. "Really not much else, Yvondra, you know personal details are boring to me."
"Of course they are. Well, shortly before I escaped with Svarog's personal tel'tac, there was a summit of the System Lords. The meeting was called to discuss the rising threat of what we soon learned was Anubis, and was comprised of little more than petty bickering and baseless finger-pointing. Things took an interesting turn when Osiris invited herself, then proceeded to press for the re-instatement of Anubis among the System Lords."
"For all the good that did. They ended up turning on the System Lords anyway," Vala pointed out.
"True, and that may be due in part to a sudden disruption which broke down the talks. Osiris disobeyed the rules of the summit by bringing a knife aboard, which she used to attack Yu Huang Shang-Ti after they'd gotten into a bit of a scrap. The real reason for the argument was never made clear to myself or any of the other servants aboard the station, but the rumor was that Osiris had taken a shine to Yu's Lo'taur and attempted to kidnap him for her own. He certainly hadn't looked the typical Lo'taur of choice for Yu, but I figured that the doddering old fool had merely shown uncharacteristically good taste when he'd selected Jarren."
"My Daniel was once Yu's Lo'taur?"
"You're interrupting, love."
"Sorry."
"While attempting to kidnap the supposed slave, Osiris found herself battling with Yu in the close confines of a cargo ship. The Lo'taur was shoved into an escape pod to get him out of the way, then accidentally ejected out into space. Presumably, no one sent a ship to recover the pod, as word had then gotten around that the Lo'taur in question was less-than-loyal to his master and may have actually encouraged Osiris' attentions. Suddenly all the Lo'taur at the summit came under close scrutiny, and half of the 'most-trusted' servants were put to death for their own indiscretions-including, ironically, the instigator of the rumor, Baal's Lo'taur. The rest of us either successfully proved our loyalties or jumped ship.
"I, of course, decided to leave while I still drew breath, thus starting my new career," Yvondra finished, tapping the table with her fingers. "Not a moment too soon, either, as Svarog met a grisly fate over the planet called Latona not long after. Still, I'm sure you can imagine my surprise when you walked up to me and requested information on the subject of an out-dated bounty marker, one who just happened to look exactly like the missing Lo'taur!"
"My Daniel was once Yu's Lo'taur?"
"You're sounding like a faulty recording, love."
"I paid you an extremely valuable data crystal for the information, Yvondra, stop playing games with me."
The broker leaned back in her own seat. "More valuable than that necklace you sold Inago, certainly."
"That was a priceless heirloom! And I still don't know what to do with that worthless power coil he sold me!"
"I'm sure you'll manage. And the only thing 'extreme' about the crystal was the measures I had to go through to de-crypt the blasted thing." Not to mention the deal she'd had to make to get it done.
"It was worth it, wasn't it?"
"You're incorrigible." The thief flashed her a toothy grin in reply. "And yes, it did contain some intriguing information."
"I knew it."
"And while I'm sure Arlos worked very hard on compiling all that research, he's not so besotted with you he won't miss it any time soon. Or his mother's necklace."
"You forgot about the Goa'uld marriage bracelets, love. Those came from him, too," Vala replied haughtily, not even attempting to deny the theft.
Yvondra resisted the urge to smack her forehead. For a moment, she toyed with revealing the true nature of the ornate bands to her friend, then decided a certain someone listening in might be against it. Actually, getting her life bound to another's might actually do wonders to curb Vala's impulsive nature, so Yvondra was more than willing to go along with it. "Marriage bracelets, right."
"Now... My Daniel was once Yu's Lo'taur?"
Like a courser with a coney, Yvondra grinned. "I did some back-tracking. Turns out the real Jarren was executed by order of Yu right around the same time as the summit, though it isn't known why. The 'Jarren' who was at the summit was one of the infamous, Not-To-Be-Spoken-Of-In-The-Presence-Of-A-System-Lord Tau'ri, lending greater credence to the rumors that Yu is far more sympathetic to the human rebels than is wise for a Goa'uld of his precarious position and mental health."
"Mental health?"
"He's senile, love, over five thousand years old and stays in one host for entirely too long at a time. The sarcophagus has eaten him alive."
"I see. But enough about Yu."
Yvondra huffed playfully. "And I thought you were my friend."
"What?" Vala cried. "I just said... Oh. Funny."
"Thanks, love."
"Daniel?"
"Right! Right after that, Osiris posted an increase in the bounty on his head, presumably because of what happened aboard the station. Then, just as suddenly, his bounty was removed from circulation."
"Someone caught him?"
"No, my source said he was killed in an accident on a planet called Langara. Big explosion, or something. One of the Langarans then filled his place on SG-1."
"Well, obviously he wasn't killed," Vala pointed out, playing with her hair. "Another undercover operation?"
"My source either didn't know or refused to say. Wherever he disappeared to, his reappearance a year later resulted in the reinstatement and drastic increase of the bounty offered for him to the oh-so-ridiculous sum you saw on that marker."
"Anything else? Do you know of any way I can contact him?"
"I've heard it said that the Tau'ri have some sort of shield over their Stargate, which can be removed only by sending a special coded signal through the open 'Gate. The codes and the devices used to send them are closely guarded by the Tau'ri and their allies," Yvondra explained. "Short of convincing the Tok'ra or the rebel Jaffa it's absolutely vital you see Jackson face to face, I don't see any way you're going to get through their shield."
"I could always take a ship."
"Let me refresh your recent Tau'ri knowledge a bit, love: seven years ago, Apophis attacked their world, Earth, with two ha'tak. Both were destroyed in orbit. Osiris disappeared when she returned to the planet on some grand, mysterious mission. Last year, Anubis and his entire fleet met the same fate. Do you honestly think you can take a ship there?"
"Well, I could try."
Yvondra gaped. What happened to that infamous survival instinct which had kept the former Goa'uld host alive all this time? "What?"
"You're right, probably not a good idea, anyway," Vala mused, toying with the white streak in her hair again, oblivious to the reaction of her friend. "I have no idea where to find him on their world."
"Right," the broker agreed, regaining her composure.
"Well? You haven't really given me anything I can work with, yet. What are his strengths and weaknesses? Anything I can properly take advantage of?"
"I did say he was both easy and difficult to find any information on. The easy part is hearing all about the exploits of the Tau'ri group called SG-1 and their four members. Which is now, by the way, three members. Apparently Colonel Jack O'Neill is now ranked 'General', and is the leader of their facility. The female's been promoted to Colonel, and now leads the team."
"Details, details."
"Exercise a bit of restraint, love, I don't do this for everyone, you know," Yvondra admonished.
"Y-von-dra..."
"And don't whine. It's unbecoming." She took a sip of her long-neglected drink, grimacing at the warmth. "Now, I have a source among the Tok'ra who I'm sure knew considerably more details than he was willing to discuss, nor could I properly entice further answers from him."
"You're at least as good as I am, why not?"
"Because it's not polite to ask about another man when you're... otherwise occupied."
Vala grinned. "Right! A girl's gotta do-"
"-What a girl's gotta do. Something close to ten years ago, Daniel Jackson and Jack O'Neill blew up Ra's ship in orbit of the planet Abydos. O'Neill returned to their homeworld, but Jackson married the local princess and stayed behind."
"He's married? Well, that'll make things more difficult, but it wouldn't be the first time I've-"
"Would you stop interrupting? Suddenly the single-most powerful Goa'uld out there, Apophis started casing Ra's territories, kidnapping slaves to make hosts for his offspring. One of those was Jackson's wife, who was chosen by Apophis' mate, Ammaunet."
"The poor man."
"Exactly. He never got her back, as she was apparently killed attempting to kill him sometime later."
"Oh, that's tragic."
"It gets better. His brother-in-law was taken at the same time as his wife, and chosen by Klorel. The Tok'ra removed the symbiote from him sometime later, and did the same for the host of Osiris a year ago... apparently she used to be a lover of his, and it may well have been her recognition of him at the summit that precipitated the fight with Yu." She smiled. "Don't you get it, Vala? You already have the capacity to exploit his single greatest weakness: you were once the victim of Goa'uld possession."
The thief looked very thoughtful. "Wouldn't be the first time I've used that to... open negotiations with someone. And there's really nothing more tragic than a widower bereft of a lady's company."
Yvondra chuckled. "One last thing: the Tok'ra rarely wanted anything to do with Tau'ri throughout the course of their alliance, but on a few occasions they deliberately sought out Jackson's expertise. It seems he speaks more than two dozen languages and has working knowledge of the cultures of half the galaxy's human population."
"Wow! All that and a great a-ability to get himself into and out of trouble," Vala finished, but not before Yvondra heard the slip.
"More recently, though, he's come to be considered the galaxy's foremost expert on the race known as the Ancients," the broker finished, trying hard not to laugh outright. She had a pretty good idea what Vala had meant to say initially, and was now gaining a better understanding of her motives. "Supposedly, he can read, write, and speak the Ancients' language with ease."
"The Ancients? The original 'Gate builders? Now, that's got to be worth something, at least. Maybe I can force him to translate an Ancient treasure map for me."
"Yes, I'm sure they've left riches just lying around for you to find." Yvondra rolled her eyes. "That's all I have, love, unless you'd care to commission anything else."
"No, no, that should make a nice start," Vala assured her, removing a slim gold band from the pouch attached at her waist. "And if feminine wiles don't do the trick this time, either, my bracelets should provide sufficient motivation."
Not in the way you think, Yvondra thought to herself, easily imagining the reluctant Tau'ri's response to being tethered to the amorous thief. "I guess they might. Take care, Vala. Don't try to steal anything you can't carry."
"Actually, he was the one who carried me when I- I mean, thanks Yvondra. I'll do my best." She rose from the booth, stretching dramatically for the benefit of all the male eyes in the room, then departed.
Yvondra sighed, turning to the hooded figure seated in the booth behind her own. "Turnabouts really are fair play. I think she's got a taste of what all the hapless hearts she's broken across this galaxy are feeling."
"It's certainly what she deserves," agreed Arlos wistfully. "I already feel sorry for the young man she's after."
So did she, but mentally wished them both well. "Our deal is concluded, Arlos. Is there anything else?" she asked.
"Just one more thing, my dear: help Vala find a suitable Ancient treasure map. The sooner she gets herself stuck to the poor Tau'ri, the better."