The Ultimate Game of Horrify the Twilight Noob
... in which I am schooled by my mother:
She was home at lunch talking about how she'd seen something on the news that morning about Catherine Hardwicke being fired, and she was all proud that she knew what was going on because she'd already heard it from me, and the conversation drifted towards Twilight stuff in general and how Pattinson-as-Edward is "very... magnetic" (she said), and finally she fixes me with this very determined look and says, "Okay, look. Where is Edward at the end of the series? What's happening with him?"
"Uh... nothing, really," I say, perplexed. "It's actually kind of funny you should mention it, because that's what a lot of fans complained about, that he spent the whole fourth book kind of just wringing his hands while Bella was pregnant and then while she took control and took care of everything at the end--"
"But after he imprinted on the baby? Nothing happened with that?"
"... what?"
"After he imprinted on the baby!"
"...WHAT?"
"Edward! On the baby!"
"It's his baby, his baby with Bella--"
"I KNOW! THAT'S WHY IT'S SO AWFUL!"
"NO! NO NO NO! JACOB THE WEREWOLF KID, NOT EDWARD! Jacob imprints on the baby, not Edward, not on his own kid! It's not ACTUAL INCEST! JESUS!"
She takes a moment to process this. Then this beatific look of relief passes over her face. "Well, that's a lot better."
"But Jacob STILL imprints on the baby of the girl he was in love with, the baby he just DELIVERED, and--"
"But at least the FATHER of the baby doesn't."
"You're just really never going to be impressed by anything now, are you? Not after thinking that Edward fell in love with his own kid."
She shakes her head, thoughtfully chewing her deli macaroni and cheese.
"I feel a lot less bad about liking Edward now," she says.
Meanwhile, the real reason I'm going ahead and posting Twicrap separately:
SOURCE: 'Twilight' Sequel Offer From Summit Out To Director Chris Weitz?
1. If he turns them down, Summit's delusional. If he takes them up, they're delusional... like a fox.
2. Because that whole trilogy thing worked out so well for him.
3. Yes, I am STILL BITTER ABOUT THAT.
From profbutters: 'Twilight' stars see red (subhead: "Pattinson, Stewart want Hardwicke to direct sequel, too"). This was posted before the Weitz news/rumor broke, so no one knows what the situation is now.
Meanwhile, an interview with Robert Pattinson FROM THE FUTURE ("Posted Dec 11, 2008 1:15 PM") where he talks about wanting to take the scene in Bella's room "to the verge of wrong" and also, how he "got sent this really well-bound book with all these Unibomber-type notes"; plus a video interview in which he declares that in real life, Edward would be "one of those guys who would be an ax murderer."
From umbra_fish: Edward Cullen Crochet Doll. And dig the Joker doll on the sidebar there.
I don't know when the regular linkspam will be up, because I'm going Christmas shopping! Yays!
She was home at lunch talking about how she'd seen something on the news that morning about Catherine Hardwicke being fired, and she was all proud that she knew what was going on because she'd already heard it from me, and the conversation drifted towards Twilight stuff in general and how Pattinson-as-Edward is "very... magnetic" (she said), and finally she fixes me with this very determined look and says, "Okay, look. Where is Edward at the end of the series? What's happening with him?"
"Uh... nothing, really," I say, perplexed. "It's actually kind of funny you should mention it, because that's what a lot of fans complained about, that he spent the whole fourth book kind of just wringing his hands while Bella was pregnant and then while she took control and took care of everything at the end--"
"But after he imprinted on the baby? Nothing happened with that?"
"... what?"
"After he imprinted on the baby!"
"...WHAT?"
"Edward! On the baby!"
"It's his baby, his baby with Bella--"
"I KNOW! THAT'S WHY IT'S SO AWFUL!"
"NO! NO NO NO! JACOB THE WEREWOLF KID, NOT EDWARD! Jacob imprints on the baby, not Edward, not on his own kid! It's not ACTUAL INCEST! JESUS!"
She takes a moment to process this. Then this beatific look of relief passes over her face. "Well, that's a lot better."
"But Jacob STILL imprints on the baby of the girl he was in love with, the baby he just DELIVERED, and--"
"But at least the FATHER of the baby doesn't."
"You're just really never going to be impressed by anything now, are you? Not after thinking that Edward fell in love with his own kid."
She shakes her head, thoughtfully chewing her deli macaroni and cheese.
"I feel a lot less bad about liking Edward now," she says.
Meanwhile, the real reason I'm going ahead and posting Twicrap separately:
SOURCE: 'Twilight' Sequel Offer From Summit Out To Director Chris Weitz?
1. If he turns them down, Summit's delusional. If he takes them up, they're delusional... like a fox.
2. Because that whole trilogy thing worked out so well for him.
3. Yes, I am STILL BITTER ABOUT THAT.
From profbutters: 'Twilight' stars see red (subhead: "Pattinson, Stewart want Hardwicke to direct sequel, too"). This was posted before the Weitz news/rumor broke, so no one knows what the situation is now.
Meanwhile, an interview with Robert Pattinson FROM THE FUTURE ("Posted Dec 11, 2008 1:15 PM") where he talks about wanting to take the scene in Bella's room "to the verge of wrong" and also, how he "got sent this really well-bound book with all these Unibomber-type notes"; plus a video interview in which he declares that in real life, Edward would be "one of those guys who would be an ax murderer."
From umbra_fish: Edward Cullen Crochet Doll. And dig the Joker doll on the sidebar there.
I don't know when the regular linkspam will be up, because I'm going Christmas shopping! Yays!