The Deviant Minds of the English, and Irish, and Swedish, and....
For my flist's edification, I thought you all might like to see a little of what was discussed at the HP UK Meetup this weekend! I should probably apologise in advance...but I won't! *grins*
Dislaimer: I am officially absolving myself of any and all responsibility for the following crossovers and pairings as I:
a) am far too naively innocent to have come up with any of this. What? It wasn't me, I swear! Stop laughing!
b) had been drinking all day.
c) am blaming everyone else for any trauma inflicted by their dirty, dirty minds.
The HP/Narnia Crossover - in which Draco fixes the Vanishing Cabinet & finds himself in Narnia rather than Borgin & Burkes;
- Draco/Fur Coats (Draco rubbed his cheek sensuously against the luxurious fur of one of the hanging coats. He moaned softly as he wrapped a second coat around his naked hips and the material brushed against his aching erection).
- Aberforth Dumbledore/Mr Tumnus (The fawn shuddered in pleasure as he discovered exactly what the rumours about Aberforth and his goats were all about).
- Bellatrix/Jadis,The White Witch (Bellatrix wrapped her lips around a piece of the Turkish Delight the beautiful witch sitting next to her in the sleigh had kindly offered, and promptly forgot all about that skanky Lord Voldemort and his unfortunate lack of nose).
- Filius Flitwick/Ginarrbrik, the White Witch's Dwarf (Filius perked up in excitement as he spotted the whip in the dwarf's capable-looking hands. "I bet you really know how to use that," he offered flirtatiously).
- Fenrir Greyback/Maugrim, Chief of the Secret Police...because evil wolves need to fuck stick together!
- Mr & Mrs Weasley/Mr & Mrs Beaver...because talking animals make bestiality wife-swapping more fun!
- Fred/Prince Caspian/George...because what Prince doesn't want to be the filling in a Weasley sandwich!
AnimagusLion!Harry/Aslan...doing it Lion-style!
- Albus Dumbledore/Father Christmas (Albus and his new friend Nicholas both swept their long beards over their shoulders as they moved into the 69 position).
- Filch/Puddleglum...ummm, ewwwww!
- Cormac McLaggen/Cousin Eustace...because smarmy bastards deserve each other!
- Minerva McGonagall/Mrs Macready (Minerva gazed in adoration at the woman with her hair in a severe bun and her heavy Scottish brogue. She had a feeling they had met somewhere before as she seemed so familiar).
- Grawp/Giant Rumblebuffin...because what else is the Vanishing Cabinet/Narnia Cupboard for, if not a glory hole for giants!
Harry as Forrest Gump: Harry Gump! Life is like a box of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans - sometimes you get a vomit-flavoured one. Ruuuun, Haaaarrrrrry, ruuuunnnn!
The HP/Sesame Street Crossover - in which Big Bird finally gets his leg over!
- Big Bird/Buckbeak/Hedwig...birds of a feather fuck get together!
- Oscar the Grouch/Severus Snape..because trash cans are meant to be used for giving blowjobs to the Potions Master!
- The Count/Lord Voldemort (Thrust One! Ah, ah, ah. Thrust Two! Ah, ah, ah).
- The Cookie Monster/Hagrid/Rock cakes...a mutually beneficial relationship, Hagrid finally gets his monster.
- Eric & Ernie/Fred & George...the mother of all daisy chains.
- Snuffleupagus/The Giant Squid...trunk & tentacle pr0n!
- Elmo/topping every male student in Hogwarts...because Elmo is clearly a Dom.
The HP/Muppets Crossover - in which I cried with laughter at the Miss Piggy pairing!
- Kermit/Trevor while Neville watches...because he is really into his amphibians!
- Miss Piggy/Umbridge (Dolores bonded quickly with Miss Piggy over their mutual love of pink...and not-so-mutual love of bacon).
- Animal/Filch/Mrs Norris...an animal sandwich in every sense!
- Fonzie/Mr Weasley...because they look so alike in their attempts at muggle clothing! *pets the bowties*
- Gonzo/Severus Snape (After three days of vigorous sexual exploits, Severus & Gonzo went on to form the inaugural Hogwarts Hooked Nose Appreciation Gala).
Harry/Dobby necrophilia...the reason that Harry was outside alone digging Dobby's grave for so long! I am completely blaming utteramusement for this one - she claims I misheard her, but I don't think so!!!!!
The reason Voldemort failed so spectacularly at being an Evil Overlord of Doom - he had a speech impediment caused by his lack of nose, and so failed to enunciate his spells properly. Adabra Kedabra just doesn't do the job properly.
Molly Weasley/Dudley Dursley - because Mrs Weasley is a feeder! (I blame accioscar for the horrific mental images I now need to scrub out of my brain).
Mr Weasley/Vernon & Petunia - because Arthur loves to play with the muggle pets he keeps leashed in his garden shed!
Dobby/Dudley Dursley non-con ("Harry Potter is a great wizard and you has been mean to him, so Dobby will be mean to you. Now stop struggling." Dobby purred).
I'm fairly sure there were more, but I think I may have traumatised everyone enough! Sick, twisted puppies? Us? ;D
Dislaimer: I am officially absolving myself of any and all responsibility for the following crossovers and pairings as I:
a) am far too naively innocent to have come up with any of this. What? It wasn't me, I swear! Stop laughing!
b) had been drinking all day.
c) am blaming everyone else for any trauma inflicted by their dirty, dirty minds.
The HP/Narnia Crossover - in which Draco fixes the Vanishing Cabinet & finds himself in Narnia rather than Borgin & Burkes;
- Draco/Fur Coats (Draco rubbed his cheek sensuously against the luxurious fur of one of the hanging coats. He moaned softly as he wrapped a second coat around his naked hips and the material brushed against his aching erection).
- Aberforth Dumbledore/Mr Tumnus (The fawn shuddered in pleasure as he discovered exactly what the rumours about Aberforth and his goats were all about).
- Bellatrix/Jadis,The White Witch (Bellatrix wrapped her lips around a piece of the Turkish Delight the beautiful witch sitting next to her in the sleigh had kindly offered, and promptly forgot all about that skanky Lord Voldemort and his unfortunate lack of nose).
- Filius Flitwick/Ginarrbrik, the White Witch's Dwarf (Filius perked up in excitement as he spotted the whip in the dwarf's capable-looking hands. "I bet you really know how to use that," he offered flirtatiously).
- Fenrir Greyback/Maugrim, Chief of the Secret Police...because evil wolves need to fuck stick together!
- Mr & Mrs Weasley/Mr & Mrs Beaver...because talking animals make bestiality wife-swapping more fun!
- Fred/Prince Caspian/George...because what Prince doesn't want to be the filling in a Weasley sandwich!
AnimagusLion!Harry/Aslan...doing it Lion-style!
- Albus Dumbledore/Father Christmas (Albus and his new friend Nicholas both swept their long beards over their shoulders as they moved into the 69 position).
- Filch/Puddleglum...ummm, ewwwww!
- Cormac McLaggen/Cousin Eustace...because smarmy bastards deserve each other!
- Minerva McGonagall/Mrs Macready (Minerva gazed in adoration at the woman with her hair in a severe bun and her heavy Scottish brogue. She had a feeling they had met somewhere before as she seemed so familiar).
- Grawp/Giant Rumblebuffin...because what else is the Vanishing Cabinet/Narnia Cupboard for, if not a glory hole for giants!
Harry as Forrest Gump: Harry Gump! Life is like a box of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans - sometimes you get a vomit-flavoured one. Ruuuun, Haaaarrrrrry, ruuuunnnn!
The HP/Sesame Street Crossover - in which Big Bird finally gets his leg over!
- Big Bird/Buckbeak/Hedwig...birds of a feather fuck get together!
- Oscar the Grouch/Severus Snape..because trash cans are meant to be used for giving blowjobs to the Potions Master!
- The Count/Lord Voldemort (Thrust One! Ah, ah, ah. Thrust Two! Ah, ah, ah).
- The Cookie Monster/Hagrid/Rock cakes...a mutually beneficial relationship, Hagrid finally gets his monster.
- Eric & Ernie/Fred & George...the mother of all daisy chains.
- Snuffleupagus/The Giant Squid...trunk & tentacle pr0n!
- Elmo/topping every male student in Hogwarts...because Elmo is clearly a Dom.
The HP/Muppets Crossover - in which I cried with laughter at the Miss Piggy pairing!
- Kermit/Trevor while Neville watches...because he is really into his amphibians!
- Miss Piggy/Umbridge (Dolores bonded quickly with Miss Piggy over their mutual love of pink...and not-so-mutual love of bacon).
- Animal/Filch/Mrs Norris...an animal sandwich in every sense!
- Fonzie/Mr Weasley...because they look so alike in their attempts at muggle clothing! *pets the bowties*
- Gonzo/Severus Snape (After three days of vigorous sexual exploits, Severus & Gonzo went on to form the inaugural Hogwarts Hooked Nose Appreciation Gala).
Harry/Dobby necrophilia...the reason that Harry was outside alone digging Dobby's grave for so long! I am completely blaming utteramusement for this one - she claims I misheard her, but I don't think so!!!!!
The reason Voldemort failed so spectacularly at being an Evil Overlord of Doom - he had a speech impediment caused by his lack of nose, and so failed to enunciate his spells properly. Adabra Kedabra just doesn't do the job properly.
Molly Weasley/Dudley Dursley - because Mrs Weasley is a feeder! (I blame accioscar for the horrific mental images I now need to scrub out of my brain).
Mr Weasley/Vernon & Petunia - because Arthur loves to play with the muggle pets he keeps leashed in his garden shed!
Dobby/Dudley Dursley non-con ("Harry Potter is a great wizard and you has been mean to him, so Dobby will be mean to you. Now stop struggling." Dobby purred).
I'm fairly sure there were more, but I think I may have traumatised everyone enough! Sick, twisted puppies? Us? ;D