"He didn't open your blouse to see a better view of your heart..."
It's been really long since i've written in this thing... and i guess alot in my life has changed. i've moved into a new place, i'm starting a new school, i'm looking for a new job and i've definitely come to alot of conclusions about so many different things.
Living alone has been...really interesting. Sometimes, there's nothing better than knowing i can do whatever i want whenever i want. But then again, i miss those random 3 am meijer trips with joycie or random ppl waking me up @ noon on the weekends to go get "breakfast" haha... i dunno man, its just definitely...different. but i'm adjusting and so far i haven't had alot of mental breakdowns about it, which is good, right? haha...
the next big BIG bridge in my life...GUYS. what else. so the other night i fell in love with another boy only to have him rip out my heart from under me... and it made me think, when is this ever gonna stop? And really, when you look at the big picture, i only have myself to blame for most of it, i put myself in these types of situations and it can only end bad for me. when you look back and you can remember (excuse my bluntness) that the number of blowjobs you've given totally outweighs the number of times you've kissed a guy or even hugged a guy...it's a really sad day. and i literally can't do it anymore. So now i'm thinking...what, does this mean i want a boyfriend? i dont like the drama that comes with that and i'm confused... i know i just cant get hurt anymore and doing the "friends" with benefits thing isnt cutting it at all...i feel used every god damn time and i hate that... how can guys walk away so easy from a girl that they act like they want and give her so many compliments and then say "you're getting too attached...this is gonna be bad"... excuse the fuck out of me, we just had sex for god sakes! i dont get it but whatever... who wants to go strolling for a boyfriend with me? haha... you guys are all already taken anyways... this SUCKS! anyone got a cute guy friend they can hook me up with? ugh...
Work sucks... i get no respect for all the shit i do on a daily basis and then some. i do everyone's job plus mine and they still dont see what a good employee i am. but all the other jobs i've applied at have fallen thru and i would miss some of the ppl i work with, who knows whats gonna happen, i'm doin the best i can i guess...
massage therapy school starts soon and i'm actually really really excited. although i found out yesterday u cant wear jeans to "class" which kinda sucks haha... i'll keep everyone updated on how it goes but i picked out the color of my very first massage table the other day! haha...it's gonna be orchid... it's pretty, when i'm rubbin ya'll down, you'll love it...
anyways this is getting long enough. i miss you all so god damn much. and you know this.
Living alone has been...really interesting. Sometimes, there's nothing better than knowing i can do whatever i want whenever i want. But then again, i miss those random 3 am meijer trips with joycie or random ppl waking me up @ noon on the weekends to go get "breakfast" haha... i dunno man, its just definitely...different. but i'm adjusting and so far i haven't had alot of mental breakdowns about it, which is good, right? haha...
the next big BIG bridge in my life...GUYS. what else. so the other night i fell in love with another boy only to have him rip out my heart from under me... and it made me think, when is this ever gonna stop? And really, when you look at the big picture, i only have myself to blame for most of it, i put myself in these types of situations and it can only end bad for me. when you look back and you can remember (excuse my bluntness) that the number of blowjobs you've given totally outweighs the number of times you've kissed a guy or even hugged a guy...it's a really sad day. and i literally can't do it anymore. So now i'm thinking...what, does this mean i want a boyfriend? i dont like the drama that comes with that and i'm confused... i know i just cant get hurt anymore and doing the "friends" with benefits thing isnt cutting it at all...i feel used every god damn time and i hate that... how can guys walk away so easy from a girl that they act like they want and give her so many compliments and then say "you're getting too attached...this is gonna be bad"... excuse the fuck out of me, we just had sex for god sakes! i dont get it but whatever... who wants to go strolling for a boyfriend with me? haha... you guys are all already taken anyways... this SUCKS! anyone got a cute guy friend they can hook me up with? ugh...
Work sucks... i get no respect for all the shit i do on a daily basis and then some. i do everyone's job plus mine and they still dont see what a good employee i am. but all the other jobs i've applied at have fallen thru and i would miss some of the ppl i work with, who knows whats gonna happen, i'm doin the best i can i guess...
massage therapy school starts soon and i'm actually really really excited. although i found out yesterday u cant wear jeans to "class" which kinda sucks haha... i'll keep everyone updated on how it goes but i picked out the color of my very first massage table the other day! haha...it's gonna be orchid... it's pretty, when i'm rubbin ya'll down, you'll love it...
anyways this is getting long enough. i miss you all so god damn much. and you know this.