I was trying to do a positive post. Oops
If I were back in high school, knowing what I know now, what would I do?
- Get a counselor/therapist to deal with the gay thing earlier.
- Drop Physics my senior year, maybe try the computer programming course.
- Start exercising, dressing better, and get a better haircut.
- Come out to myself, friends, and family.
All of these things I’ve done (except the physics one which is solely located in the woulda coulda shoulda category), but I feel like my life would have been better earlier if I had done these things. I am very glad I never tried drugs and glad I survived drinking my way through my freshman year of college.[1] I’ve seen/dated too many guys who used these as crutches to (not) deal with their sexuality, a way to cut themselves off from their feelings. That is why there are so many gay smokers.[2]
I remember that I was so uncomfortable with anything dealing with homosexuality[3] because I was afraid that someone was going to point me out. I used gay as a pejorative partly because everyone else did and partly to distance myself from it.
Now I look for guys from my high school in gay clubs in D.C. I have heard of others from high school, but never see them out and about.
Being a teenager is about learning to accept yourself for who you are; figuring out what type of adult you will be. Gay kids just have their own special hidden drama that suites being a teenager really well.
[1] The heavy drinking times weren’t the fun ones, they were the sad ones. I did have an amazing tolerence.
[2] Luckily, smoking is dieing out too!
[3] I think I would get stiff if the subject was brought up. I wish someone had said, it is OK if you are gay to my poor tormented teenage self.