bubble gum coma
god...where did it go...how many others wish they could be a child forever...not have to take part in the bullshit part of life...the part of life which is living for yourself which really has no meaning to me....i dont care about my life...all i can do is write music and lyrics filled with pain and love until im sucked dry...i need to stop drinking...i really am getting out of hand but ever since sarah was gone i really have nothing to do except go to work and play my guitar endlessly...the only upside is i can play almost all of the master of puppets album...with solos and everything...ive almost finished learning opiate...lateralus i already know...and justice for all i know...black album...l.d.50...slipknot self titled...all ages from bad religion...punk in drublic by nofx...tons of alice in chains...there isnt much left to learn...i guess that leaves my own work to study on...i have 13 fully written songs (with lyrics) which 7 compare to intensity of tool or smashing pumpkins...honestly...im more critical of my own shit than maynards or corgans...one song i cant even play without shedding a tear...but who gives a fuck...im the only one who knows the songs...and death is knocking at my front door...obviously almost no one comprehends tool, bad religion, or smashing pumpkins so why should i bother to write music no one will understand...because im not the only thoughtful person on this planet...and music from the bands i listed have touched my life and made me who i am, why not help that creative enthusiasm? because it doesnt effect anything...no one really cares...only one person ive met brings the things they care about into their daily lives as much as i do...and she's gone now...so why do i live...why do i bother to talk myself in circles...i dont fucking care why...and i dont care to write anymore tonight.... what happened to my bubble gum coma of happiness...when will i find that new peice of cotton candy that drugged me unwittingly for so long...is death my next answer? i dont expect or want sympathy from anyone and id rather not hear it...this is no cry for attention cuz i really dont want attention at all...its more a remembrance of what i once was...who knows how long ill last...maybe god?.............hahahaha........