I'm just trying to be a better person...
I'm a firm believer in Karma. Okay, maybe not like Granny Smith apple firm more like brown banana firm, but I definitely believe that you ultimately get what's coming to you. I fear that sometimes good deeds go unnoticed which is why the firmness is closer to being rotten than ripe but the idea of Karma keeps me on my toes.
Steve and I are watching the food network while lazing around in a mess of flannel sheets and blankets sort of paying attention, sort of reading and playing video games. The show Unwrapped with Marc Summers (yeah Double Dare!) catches our attention with an episode titled "Munchy Crunchy". It is a behind-the-scenes shoot of how certain snacks are made. The coolest one of all is called Popchips which is a potato chip that is not fried or baked but actually popped. It starts out as rabbit poop-pellet sized potato balls that get poured into a circle mold, heat and pressure is applied by a metal machine, and it literally POPS into a chip. It's totally healthy (unless you account for the 200mg of salt added) and it totally becomes one of my "must try" things. ( A must try: is just an excuse to overindulge in something introduced to me whether it be food or an object I will overeat it or overuse it but only because "I must try something new")
A few days pass and I take a walk to Jamba Juice for lunch. It is hot as balls in my office and cooking up a can of Beefaroni is not as appetizing as slurping down a cold smoothie. So as I order a Strawberry Energizer for Cassandra and a Berry Fulfilling for myself, my eyes wander around the snack section. Low and behold! Several bags of Popchips! I immediately snag a bag and add it to my order. Well, I must try it!
They are actually quite delicious and I make a mental note to tell Steve that I tried them and they were everything I hoped they would be.
My mental note then gets lost in translation somewhere and never reaches Steve.
So today I grab a Caribbean Passion at Jamba and see that they carry BBQ flavored Popchips. It's a new flavor...I MUST try it! I decide to bring this bag home with me and have it with Steve but as I'm standing on the platform waiting for my train I’m having a little trouble...well...waiting. I look down at the bag, turn it over in my hands, try to distract myself from eating it by reading the content ingredients. I think about how the conversation with Steve will go when I get home: "Steve look at what I found!" as I giddily hold up the bag of chips. "Awesome!" Steve answers trying to muster up the same excitement as me. "Wanna try it?" I hopefully ask as my mouth waters. "Nah maybe later..." he replies which is exactly what would happen and then I would be upset that I eyed the bag of chips next to me the WHOLE way home knowing I couldn't open it until I was with Steve and that time was wasted because I could have been eating the chips while on the train...
I guess I could just eat half the bag now and save the rest for him, right?
Satisfied with my logical reasoning I tear open the bag and begin the feast. Then I realize the weather is kind of crummy and wet so the chips will naturally absorb the dampness in the air making them not as tasty.
I should just eat this whole bag then, right?
Satisfied with my logical thinking that why taint the product with the atmosphere, I go to grab another chip. I'll just buy two bags tomorrow to avoid a tragic loss of potato chips to weather again.
And that's when the obsessional thoughts kick in.
What if there is no tomorrow? What if something happens to me and I never get to tell Steve I ate the Popchips? Or worse! What if something happens to Steve? Then he'll never know what Popchips tasted like!
And with this thought comes the guilt of being selfish and fat. And the guilt comes in the form of another chip as I shove it into my mouth. And then Karma barges in and instead of popping another chip in my mouth, my jaw pops instead.
Karma laughs at me as I struggle to chew without opening my jaw all the way. Karma laughs at me as I try to eat my way through the pain and finish what I’ve started. Karma laughs at me as if to say: "Try enjoying that bag of chips now, bitch!"
Steve and I are watching the food network while lazing around in a mess of flannel sheets and blankets sort of paying attention, sort of reading and playing video games. The show Unwrapped with Marc Summers (yeah Double Dare!) catches our attention with an episode titled "Munchy Crunchy". It is a behind-the-scenes shoot of how certain snacks are made. The coolest one of all is called Popchips which is a potato chip that is not fried or baked but actually popped. It starts out as rabbit poop-pellet sized potato balls that get poured into a circle mold, heat and pressure is applied by a metal machine, and it literally POPS into a chip. It's totally healthy (unless you account for the 200mg of salt added) and it totally becomes one of my "must try" things. ( A must try: is just an excuse to overindulge in something introduced to me whether it be food or an object I will overeat it or overuse it but only because "I must try something new")
A few days pass and I take a walk to Jamba Juice for lunch. It is hot as balls in my office and cooking up a can of Beefaroni is not as appetizing as slurping down a cold smoothie. So as I order a Strawberry Energizer for Cassandra and a Berry Fulfilling for myself, my eyes wander around the snack section. Low and behold! Several bags of Popchips! I immediately snag a bag and add it to my order. Well, I must try it!
They are actually quite delicious and I make a mental note to tell Steve that I tried them and they were everything I hoped they would be.
My mental note then gets lost in translation somewhere and never reaches Steve.
So today I grab a Caribbean Passion at Jamba and see that they carry BBQ flavored Popchips. It's a new flavor...I MUST try it! I decide to bring this bag home with me and have it with Steve but as I'm standing on the platform waiting for my train I’m having a little trouble...well...waiting. I look down at the bag, turn it over in my hands, try to distract myself from eating it by reading the content ingredients. I think about how the conversation with Steve will go when I get home: "Steve look at what I found!" as I giddily hold up the bag of chips. "Awesome!" Steve answers trying to muster up the same excitement as me. "Wanna try it?" I hopefully ask as my mouth waters. "Nah maybe later..." he replies which is exactly what would happen and then I would be upset that I eyed the bag of chips next to me the WHOLE way home knowing I couldn't open it until I was with Steve and that time was wasted because I could have been eating the chips while on the train...
I guess I could just eat half the bag now and save the rest for him, right?
Satisfied with my logical reasoning I tear open the bag and begin the feast. Then I realize the weather is kind of crummy and wet so the chips will naturally absorb the dampness in the air making them not as tasty.
I should just eat this whole bag then, right?
Satisfied with my logical thinking that why taint the product with the atmosphere, I go to grab another chip. I'll just buy two bags tomorrow to avoid a tragic loss of potato chips to weather again.
And that's when the obsessional thoughts kick in.
What if there is no tomorrow? What if something happens to me and I never get to tell Steve I ate the Popchips? Or worse! What if something happens to Steve? Then he'll never know what Popchips tasted like!
And with this thought comes the guilt of being selfish and fat. And the guilt comes in the form of another chip as I shove it into my mouth. And then Karma barges in and instead of popping another chip in my mouth, my jaw pops instead.
Karma laughs at me as I struggle to chew without opening my jaw all the way. Karma laughs at me as I try to eat my way through the pain and finish what I’ve started. Karma laughs at me as if to say: "Try enjoying that bag of chips now, bitch!"