*Chokes on her own vomit*
"I'm going to marry Billy Joel."
It was a common saying between Michelle and I at the age of 13. Yes. We both fought over an overweight, balding, middle-aged Jewish man with a drinking problem. We thought he was dashing and his voice made us think dirty thoughts during science class. One day Michelle wrote me a letter from Florida when she was visiting her dad to answer one I wrote about giving up obsessions. Okay, so it only took nine more years for that to come true, but still, I recognized and tried to solve the problem back then but the point of the matter is, Michelle was ready to give up the dream of marrying the Piano Man. "Who am I kidding," she wrote. "Why would Billy Joel ever want to marry someone my age?"
And when we turned 23, Billy Joel did just that. Married someone our age. Now fully matured and able to understand that fantasies never come true, that fantasies should never come true, it seemed odd that Billy Joel would marry someone born the same year as us. A little disconcerting that his daughter trails only a few years behind us and also the fact that he married someone our age! What could they possibly have in common? Come on now. I don't care how "mature" this Katie Lee is, I'm just not buying it. First off, her name is Katie. My name is Katie. Katie is a name of the generation I come from and the majority of Katies you meet are the same. We're all generic. All the blonde Katies look the same. Trust me. I went to school with 100 girls that could pass as my sister. I'm not saying she's not a good person or nice or caring but I think about my father's friends and I don't think they would have any interest in dating me either. They get up on Saturday to golf. I get up on Saturday to teach a boy with autism how to do push-ups correctly. They eat dinner with their family all week. I eat dinner standing up in the kitchen after I go to the gym at nine pm. They fall asleep watching the 10 o'clock news. I watch reruns of Family Guy and play SNES games on the computer with Steve until I realize I have to work in five hours. They get the AARP magazine in the mail. I get Transworld Surf. So really, what do us 24 year olds have in common with someone 30 years our senior? Well, my dad and I like to go out to dinner or to the Philharmonic or maybe even a movie but I can't see him coming with me to the ice rink or me going with him to an eyeball convention. It just seems unnatural.
Maybe Katie and Billy are truly in love. Who am I to say that they aren't? I just think the romantic gesture of him coming out of retirement of 13 years to follow up Famous Last Words with a lifeless throw-back-to-the-Dean-Martin-era song he wrote for her an insult. How do you follow such a beautifully written album with a song billowing with crap? If you want to check out the cheesy love song it's here. I would advise you to get a plastic bag just in case the gagging doesn't stop.
It was a common saying between Michelle and I at the age of 13. Yes. We both fought over an overweight, balding, middle-aged Jewish man with a drinking problem. We thought he was dashing and his voice made us think dirty thoughts during science class. One day Michelle wrote me a letter from Florida when she was visiting her dad to answer one I wrote about giving up obsessions. Okay, so it only took nine more years for that to come true, but still, I recognized and tried to solve the problem back then but the point of the matter is, Michelle was ready to give up the dream of marrying the Piano Man. "Who am I kidding," she wrote. "Why would Billy Joel ever want to marry someone my age?"
And when we turned 23, Billy Joel did just that. Married someone our age. Now fully matured and able to understand that fantasies never come true, that fantasies should never come true, it seemed odd that Billy Joel would marry someone born the same year as us. A little disconcerting that his daughter trails only a few years behind us and also the fact that he married someone our age! What could they possibly have in common? Come on now. I don't care how "mature" this Katie Lee is, I'm just not buying it. First off, her name is Katie. My name is Katie. Katie is a name of the generation I come from and the majority of Katies you meet are the same. We're all generic. All the blonde Katies look the same. Trust me. I went to school with 100 girls that could pass as my sister. I'm not saying she's not a good person or nice or caring but I think about my father's friends and I don't think they would have any interest in dating me either. They get up on Saturday to golf. I get up on Saturday to teach a boy with autism how to do push-ups correctly. They eat dinner with their family all week. I eat dinner standing up in the kitchen after I go to the gym at nine pm. They fall asleep watching the 10 o'clock news. I watch reruns of Family Guy and play SNES games on the computer with Steve until I realize I have to work in five hours. They get the AARP magazine in the mail. I get Transworld Surf. So really, what do us 24 year olds have in common with someone 30 years our senior? Well, my dad and I like to go out to dinner or to the Philharmonic or maybe even a movie but I can't see him coming with me to the ice rink or me going with him to an eyeball convention. It just seems unnatural.
Maybe Katie and Billy are truly in love. Who am I to say that they aren't? I just think the romantic gesture of him coming out of retirement of 13 years to follow up Famous Last Words with a lifeless throw-back-to-the-Dean-Martin-era song he wrote for her an insult. How do you follow such a beautifully written album with a song billowing with crap? If you want to check out the cheesy love song it's here. I would advise you to get a plastic bag just in case the gagging doesn't stop.