Ugggghhhhh, shit's really shitty right about now...
But i really want to catch up to the present so i'm gonna rush these next few chapters as there isn't a whole lot to tell. Mkay now, i was last at my transistion from Percy Hughes to elementary in the JD district. This was around first or second gradeish.
I remember moving here rahter clearly. I was still friends with Wendell and so he came over to the new house once we bought it. The basement had carpeting so we spent the ngiht downstairs and that's when i met our poltergeist. Nice little fellow he is. We saw him in the shadows on the wall while we were playing downstairs. Haven't had too many visits from him though so i guess he's okay. Anyway, i also remember on day while we were going through the process of moving, inheriting the basketball hoop that had been nailed to the top of the garage. One day i closed the garage door and shot hoops until i had made one hundred baskets. I used to be very in to basketball for all of you who didn't know that. Every little boy has his dreams. I liked to play and my *ahem* height advantage made me perfect for the sport [later, when i actually did play for a childrens league, the coach yelled at me too much for shotting different ly than how he wanted me to even though i made it twice as often as any other person on the team(I eventually learned how to shot the "right" way though)]. So anyway, i remember that and then i remember nothing in detail. I recall going to the Dewitt Town Hall sponsored summer program, also an after school program called "YES" which i would attend for some years afterwards. Nothing too interesting there though. The most important thing to remember about this period in my life was Lisa.
Lisa left my mother and I around this time. Perhaps a year or so before this. I don't remember her leaving. I simply remember a time in my life when she wasn't there. I guess i amde her disappear in my mind. I blocked it out. See, i had been living basically with Lisa. My mother Deborah, worked and provided for the family, and Lisa worked a little as well, but she was the "stay at home mom" that we hear so much about. She took care of Ben and I and as a result we grew close. But then one day she left. My mother tells me of a specific incident when we were camping in a cabin or something and lisa was cooking breakfast and there was an argument. Apparent there had been troubles in teh relationship. I would not learn of these until much later. One reason lisa said she was leaving was because of the fact that she wasn't home often enough for the family. This owuld later lead to my mom quitting her job to "be there for me" even though it hasn't been successful yet. Lisa also told her that whenever Deborah was home all she did was play videogames [My mother had a semi obsession with the mario series for super nintendo. She played so often and so well and one day i accidentally deleted her saved game where she was at bowser and she was... very upset(I would also findlater that Bowser wasn't hard to beat at all and i would restore her saved file in a matter of days)]. This declaration would lead to my mother getting depressed and quitting videogames as well. This only made her more depressed. Lisa leaving was a source of a lot of stress in our family. My mother found herself trying to support me and ben occasionally, though she now told his mother we couldn't fully take care of him as we had before, as well as having to take care of herself and her job as regional head of her company. Life was hard and we were all sad. Lisa was sad, Deborah was sad, I was sad. Lisa left and didn't see me again for... a number of years. She simply disappeared.
Her disappearance led to me becoming heavily indeendant. My mother would buy the cereal but all of a sudden it became my job to wake up and feed myself breakfast, pack my bag, do my homework. I had to take care of myself. Under her guidance, but on my own accord. I took up the challenge readily and progressed very well academically, but as a result i was shy for a long time as well. I didn't make new friends easily as i lacked any social skills. My mornings were quiet as were my evenings. I didn't have much interaction with people my age until i moved to JD. Here i met friends who would be supportive and some who i still have today. I got by without lisa but i missed her and i didn't know what to do. I had lost a parent in such a way that she seemed to be dead. I developed depression. I cried oftedn at night and sometimes randoly. My mother knew i was crying a lot. I was a sensitive child growing up with two mothers. So she sent me to a number of psychologists.
The first of these psychologists was a Louise Dilalo or something of the sort. What a crazy woman she was. She was supposedly play therapy. I would go to her to have a fun time. I found it odd though. But it was okay, at that point i didn't have much better to do with my time. But i recall the day we got rid of her. I was in her office and we were looking at an emotion chart. You know, one of those big posters that has pictures of all these faces with emotions underneath them. A classic among child psychologists. Anyway, we were pointing at ones that describe the other. I had pointed to silly and said that was her. She laughed, but suddenly became serious and pointed to one that said something like angry. It had an ugly picture of a dog's face on it and she said that it looked like me. I laughed at first, but then she kept insisting that it was what i was. I shrugged and she said it again as i said "no it's not". "Yes is it" she growled back. At this point i was insulted and i ran out of her office and down the stairs past my mom who was in the waiting room. She asked what was wrong and i just left. I never had to talk to Louise DiLalo again.
But i was angry. I think i knew i was and maybe i didn't want to admit it. Life was tough those days. I was angry at the world for many reasons. I was angry that i was abandoned and i wanteed a real mother and a real family. I think all i ever really wanted inlife was to be normal and i was adopted into the most abnormal family i can imagine. I have a friend who i call my brother who has ADHD, a depressed mother who is depressed, her female partner who left us. Life couldn't be any more screwed up and i don't think i can blame myself for feeling so bad. I was angry that i was taken here. I regretted it for a time. Then iw qas angry that lisa left me alone to fend for myself. I was angry at Ben for no longer being there for me when my mom was being unreasonable. I was angry at my mother for being depressed and making me feel bad. The chemistry in our family was very bad. I was stuck in a pit not to emerge truly for a long long time.
I think i may just now be emerging...
I remember moving here rahter clearly. I was still friends with Wendell and so he came over to the new house once we bought it. The basement had carpeting so we spent the ngiht downstairs and that's when i met our poltergeist. Nice little fellow he is. We saw him in the shadows on the wall while we were playing downstairs. Haven't had too many visits from him though so i guess he's okay. Anyway, i also remember on day while we were going through the process of moving, inheriting the basketball hoop that had been nailed to the top of the garage. One day i closed the garage door and shot hoops until i had made one hundred baskets. I used to be very in to basketball for all of you who didn't know that. Every little boy has his dreams. I liked to play and my *ahem* height advantage made me perfect for the sport [later, when i actually did play for a childrens league, the coach yelled at me too much for shotting different ly than how he wanted me to even though i made it twice as often as any other person on the team(I eventually learned how to shot the "right" way though)]. So anyway, i remember that and then i remember nothing in detail. I recall going to the Dewitt Town Hall sponsored summer program, also an after school program called "YES" which i would attend for some years afterwards. Nothing too interesting there though. The most important thing to remember about this period in my life was Lisa.
Lisa left my mother and I around this time. Perhaps a year or so before this. I don't remember her leaving. I simply remember a time in my life when she wasn't there. I guess i amde her disappear in my mind. I blocked it out. See, i had been living basically with Lisa. My mother Deborah, worked and provided for the family, and Lisa worked a little as well, but she was the "stay at home mom" that we hear so much about. She took care of Ben and I and as a result we grew close. But then one day she left. My mother tells me of a specific incident when we were camping in a cabin or something and lisa was cooking breakfast and there was an argument. Apparent there had been troubles in teh relationship. I would not learn of these until much later. One reason lisa said she was leaving was because of the fact that she wasn't home often enough for the family. This owuld later lead to my mom quitting her job to "be there for me" even though it hasn't been successful yet. Lisa also told her that whenever Deborah was home all she did was play videogames [My mother had a semi obsession with the mario series for super nintendo. She played so often and so well and one day i accidentally deleted her saved game where she was at bowser and she was... very upset(I would also findlater that Bowser wasn't hard to beat at all and i would restore her saved file in a matter of days)]. This declaration would lead to my mother getting depressed and quitting videogames as well. This only made her more depressed. Lisa leaving was a source of a lot of stress in our family. My mother found herself trying to support me and ben occasionally, though she now told his mother we couldn't fully take care of him as we had before, as well as having to take care of herself and her job as regional head of her company. Life was hard and we were all sad. Lisa was sad, Deborah was sad, I was sad. Lisa left and didn't see me again for... a number of years. She simply disappeared.
Her disappearance led to me becoming heavily indeendant. My mother would buy the cereal but all of a sudden it became my job to wake up and feed myself breakfast, pack my bag, do my homework. I had to take care of myself. Under her guidance, but on my own accord. I took up the challenge readily and progressed very well academically, but as a result i was shy for a long time as well. I didn't make new friends easily as i lacked any social skills. My mornings were quiet as were my evenings. I didn't have much interaction with people my age until i moved to JD. Here i met friends who would be supportive and some who i still have today. I got by without lisa but i missed her and i didn't know what to do. I had lost a parent in such a way that she seemed to be dead. I developed depression. I cried oftedn at night and sometimes randoly. My mother knew i was crying a lot. I was a sensitive child growing up with two mothers. So she sent me to a number of psychologists.
The first of these psychologists was a Louise Dilalo or something of the sort. What a crazy woman she was. She was supposedly play therapy. I would go to her to have a fun time. I found it odd though. But it was okay, at that point i didn't have much better to do with my time. But i recall the day we got rid of her. I was in her office and we were looking at an emotion chart. You know, one of those big posters that has pictures of all these faces with emotions underneath them. A classic among child psychologists. Anyway, we were pointing at ones that describe the other. I had pointed to silly and said that was her. She laughed, but suddenly became serious and pointed to one that said something like angry. It had an ugly picture of a dog's face on it and she said that it looked like me. I laughed at first, but then she kept insisting that it was what i was. I shrugged and she said it again as i said "no it's not". "Yes is it" she growled back. At this point i was insulted and i ran out of her office and down the stairs past my mom who was in the waiting room. She asked what was wrong and i just left. I never had to talk to Louise DiLalo again.
But i was angry. I think i knew i was and maybe i didn't want to admit it. Life was tough those days. I was angry at the world for many reasons. I was angry that i was abandoned and i wanteed a real mother and a real family. I think all i ever really wanted inlife was to be normal and i was adopted into the most abnormal family i can imagine. I have a friend who i call my brother who has ADHD, a depressed mother who is depressed, her female partner who left us. Life couldn't be any more screwed up and i don't think i can blame myself for feeling so bad. I was angry that i was taken here. I regretted it for a time. Then iw qas angry that lisa left me alone to fend for myself. I was angry at Ben for no longer being there for me when my mom was being unreasonable. I was angry at my mother for being depressed and making me feel bad. The chemistry in our family was very bad. I was stuck in a pit not to emerge truly for a long long time.
I think i may just now be emerging...