The Cross ~ (1/1)

[clawofcat]

Title: The Cross
Author: ClawofCat
Timing: Season 6, Post-Wrecked
Rating: PG
Pairing: Implied B/A and B/S
Word Count: 360
Summary: Today she chooses something different. Today she wears a cross.

A/N: Written for 

Comments

[louise39]

She hasn’t needed the crutch for years

Buffy, in all her season 6 despair, remembering her younger self, her younger self's love.
The cross is both a reminder and a weapon to her.

[clawofcat]

I think what's especially hard for Buffy here is that the cross also symbolizes that her love hurts people. Dawn tearfully tells Spike that "everyone around me suffers and dies," and I think Buffy sort of has that same mindset here. But instead of being consumed by the pain, she acts, which is why she's off to see Spike. He makes manifest everything she fears about herself, except... he never breaks. And that's what makes Spike so perfect for Buffy. He's the one she couldn't kill or drive away. The one that stayed by her side, loved her for who and what she was. *sigh* I need to go read some Spuffy fic now. Gah, I love them.

[ellan_vannin]

But instead of being consumed by the pain, she acts, which is why she's off to see Spike.

You compared her to a circuit, too, which I think infers that if she let the pain stop with her, she'd "burn out".

She has a kinetic way of dealing with her pain/frustration. Certainly it's the driving force behind the angst that makes this season (and Spuffy) so rich and involved. But do you admire her for it? Or just the storytelling that trait lends itself to?

[clawofcat]

A lot of people don't like Buffy, just like a lot of people don't like Dawn. It so happens I write about the two Summers ladies the most of any female character on the show. To say that I admire Buffy isn't exactly true. I feel for her. I sympathize with her. She's had a real shit life, lost so much, and yet she still is able to hold it (mostly) together. The sort of conviction she has to not give up even if she feels like they'll be nothing left of her afterward is impressive. It makes me love her so much. It makes me cry for her because it can't be easier. So when I write Spuffy, I often write from her POV to try and explain her motivation and why she does these hurtful and self-destructive things to herself and others

[ellan_vannin]

Awesome. I hope I didn't cause you to feel defensive, I really am curious. I tend to identify with Buffy's need to constantly move forward myself, although at this point I hope it's just due to restlessness and not such self destructiveness. (*pinches self* Ouch! Nope, don't think I'm a slayer. CERTAINLY haven't been shagging Spike -more's the pity!)

So I wonder what people see when they look at her relentless drive. I think conviction is a generous term, but tend to agree with you. Although her conviction seems to be in her own... hm, morality isn't the word I'm looking for here... in her own ability to manifest meaningful change instead of adopting a "wait and see", reactionary stance. (Whew, too wordy. Sorry, I'm tired!) Which, again, I identify with but have been taken to task for being a control freak or someone who just can't "leave well enough alone". Of course, for the purposes of a t.v. show, we need our protagonist to keep going, otherwise it'd be a short show. But thanks to something psych101 calls "projection", I love

[louise39]

Buffy seems to use her disappointment and disillusion and dysfunction as fuel to keep going anyway she can.

Buffy and Spike are indeed special together - always interesting and complicated because of their passion and guilt and love and regrets and memories. [I'm a fan, you see]