The Cross ~ (1/1)

[clawofcat]

Title: The Cross
Author: ClawofCat
Timing: Season 6, Post-Wrecked
Rating: PG
Pairing: Implied B/A and B/S
Word Count: 360
Summary: Today she chooses something different. Today she wears a cross.

A/N: Written for 

Comments

[clawofcat]

A lot of people don't like Buffy, just like a lot of people don't like Dawn. It so happens I write about the two Summers ladies the most of any female character on the show. To say that I admire Buffy isn't exactly true. I feel for her. I sympathize with her. She's had a real shit life, lost so much, and yet she still is able to hold it (mostly) together. The sort of conviction she has to not give up even if she feels like they'll be nothing left of her afterward is impressive. It makes me love her so much. It makes me cry for her because it can't be easier. So when I write Spuffy, I often write from her POV to try and explain her motivation and why she does these hurtful and self-destructive things to herself and others.

I wouldn't say her coping mechanisms are anything to admire either, but everyone works out there shit in their own way and I can't fault her for that. She's not a normal person and the people she interacts with aren't normal either.

So, I guess, in short, I admire Buffy's conviction, but more so the sorts of story's you can tell given her various issues and disfunctionality. She's so bad at expressing herself with words, that writing fic (for me) becomes an exercise in how I can try and explain (not defend or excuse) Buffy either through action or POV.

Going back to Buffy's relationship with pain for a second. In "Never Leave Me" Spike tells her that "You need the pain we cause you. You need the hate. You need it to do your job, to be the slayer." I'm not sure I agree with this, but I thought it was an interesting insight that I'll just throw out there as food for thought. Hate and pain does seem to fuel and motivate Buffy. The larger the threat, the more Buffy steps it up.

[ellan_vannin]

Awesome. I hope I didn't cause you to feel defensive, I really am curious. I tend to identify with Buffy's need to constantly move forward myself, although at this point I hope it's just due to restlessness and not such self destructiveness. (*pinches self* Ouch! Nope, don't think I'm a slayer. CERTAINLY haven't been shagging Spike -more's the pity!)

So I wonder what people see when they look at her relentless drive. I think conviction is a generous term, but tend to agree with you. Although her conviction seems to be in her own... hm, morality isn't the word I'm looking for here... in her own ability to manifest meaningful change instead of adopting a "wait and see", reactionary stance. (Whew, too wordy. Sorry, I'm tired!) Which, again, I identify with but have been taken to task for being a control freak or someone who just can't "leave well enough alone". Of course, for the purposes of a t.v. show, we need our protagonist to keep going, otherwise it'd be a short show. But thanks to something psych101 calls "projection", I love Buffy for the fact that I DO see it as a flaw, as you mentioned.

I'm not sure I agree with Spike's assessment in "Never Leave Me" either, though I hadn't made the connection until you mentioned it. Will have to give that some thought, when I'm not trying to use my keyboard for a pillow (which it sucks at, btw). Thanks for responding in such depth!