Epiphany...
It is amazing how sometimes we look at the little things going on in our lives and we get upset that things aren’t going the way we want them to. We get upset, get angry, even hateful towards the world just because our selfish needs aren’t being met the way we hoped they would, and we almost convince ourselves that we are unhappy. Then something comes up, in an unexpected moment, that makes us realize that we are blessed. Yesterday I had that epiphany.
I have been feeling a little blue. I should be happy for the fact that I am almost through the semester, and especially with the fact that in less than a week I will be going to Mexico to visit my brother. I have been a bit upset however, that after what I thought had been a perfect date, Royce never called back… or answered my call…. OR my email.
It’s been over two weeks now since he said he’d call me in a text message, so I guess I have a reason to be upset. It is, however, kind of pathetic that I take it so personal whenever a guy says he’ll call and he doesn’t. I mean, I do wish guys I like would like to keep dating me, or at least call or email me to tell me they just don’t feel the butterflies I do. But I need to learn to understand that these things happen for a reason, and in the big schema of the world, they really are so insignificant.
So yesterday in class it hit me. Here I am, still upset at Royce rather than moving on, and life shoves it in my face that I am so much luckier than I like to believe sometimes. Sure I am single. Sure I’d like to have someone to rely on and to be there to cuddle and kiss and just be with. But I’m alive, and healthy… I’m NOT dieing.
At the beginning of this term I sat next to a guy from the First Nations diploma program. I have never really felt any type of attraction towards a First Nations guy, but I must confess I developed an instant crush on this boy. He is cute, and exotic, and there was an air of innocence around him that made me want to hug him. I don’t even know if he is even gay or not, but after the second week I didn’t really like him anymore.
And yesterday he’s up in front of the class presenting, and I began to look at him. You could tell he was really nervous by his shaky voice, and I felt a bit bad for him. I was hoping he’d calm down ‘cause I wanted him to get a good grade. I also kept looking and for a second I started to like him again. I don’t even know when I stopped having my crush on him. I guess I just got distracted with the other boys I’ve liked in the past three months.
And then it comes, the moment that shook me up and inspired me. The cute boy talking shakily at the front of the class mentions the fact that he is HIV positive, and wishes people would understand that people who are HIV positive or have AIDS are people too, with feelings, and that we should all have open minds and hearts.
And all of a sudden, all my little worries about final exams and boys not calling seem so minuscule in the schema of things. And I felt sad for him. And I felt bad for myself for not enjoying life as I probably should… and perhaps because I don’t do anything for others as I maybe should.
I left class, and the sadness turned into enlightenment, and now I’m looking at the world through completely different eyes. I feel this need to go out there and just enjoy the little good things, and not worry so much about the little bad things. Just take life as it comes and be as positive as I can and realize that even if things don’t go my way, I can still have fun and enjoy the other facets of my life.
Ok, So I don’t have a boy, and every boy I like seems to not like me. Well I got a great family and good friends. I got a job, and money to get by, and my education. I've got a home and food, and a bunch of material things that make my life more than comfortable. I am mentally and physically able, and I’ve got an open mind. The reality is that I am blessed to have so may things that, sadly, the majority of people in this planet don’t. More than that, i got my health, which is more than i can say for other people.
I am blessed in so many ways, and now I see that. We should all learn from each other and start to appreciate life, because it is beautiful, and we never know how much time we have to enjoy it.
So now I understand I am really much happier than I sometimes think. I looked back today and realized I’ve had a great life so far, and despite making a mistake or two along the way, I have absolutely no regrets.
I am feeling so fulfilled, I am so blessed… It’d still be nice if boys called though.
I have been feeling a little blue. I should be happy for the fact that I am almost through the semester, and especially with the fact that in less than a week I will be going to Mexico to visit my brother. I have been a bit upset however, that after what I thought had been a perfect date, Royce never called back… or answered my call…. OR my email.
It’s been over two weeks now since he said he’d call me in a text message, so I guess I have a reason to be upset. It is, however, kind of pathetic that I take it so personal whenever a guy says he’ll call and he doesn’t. I mean, I do wish guys I like would like to keep dating me, or at least call or email me to tell me they just don’t feel the butterflies I do. But I need to learn to understand that these things happen for a reason, and in the big schema of the world, they really are so insignificant.
So yesterday in class it hit me. Here I am, still upset at Royce rather than moving on, and life shoves it in my face that I am so much luckier than I like to believe sometimes. Sure I am single. Sure I’d like to have someone to rely on and to be there to cuddle and kiss and just be with. But I’m alive, and healthy… I’m NOT dieing.
At the beginning of this term I sat next to a guy from the First Nations diploma program. I have never really felt any type of attraction towards a First Nations guy, but I must confess I developed an instant crush on this boy. He is cute, and exotic, and there was an air of innocence around him that made me want to hug him. I don’t even know if he is even gay or not, but after the second week I didn’t really like him anymore.
And yesterday he’s up in front of the class presenting, and I began to look at him. You could tell he was really nervous by his shaky voice, and I felt a bit bad for him. I was hoping he’d calm down ‘cause I wanted him to get a good grade. I also kept looking and for a second I started to like him again. I don’t even know when I stopped having my crush on him. I guess I just got distracted with the other boys I’ve liked in the past three months.
And then it comes, the moment that shook me up and inspired me. The cute boy talking shakily at the front of the class mentions the fact that he is HIV positive, and wishes people would understand that people who are HIV positive or have AIDS are people too, with feelings, and that we should all have open minds and hearts.
And all of a sudden, all my little worries about final exams and boys not calling seem so minuscule in the schema of things. And I felt sad for him. And I felt bad for myself for not enjoying life as I probably should… and perhaps because I don’t do anything for others as I maybe should.
I left class, and the sadness turned into enlightenment, and now I’m looking at the world through completely different eyes. I feel this need to go out there and just enjoy the little good things, and not worry so much about the little bad things. Just take life as it comes and be as positive as I can and realize that even if things don’t go my way, I can still have fun and enjoy the other facets of my life.
Ok, So I don’t have a boy, and every boy I like seems to not like me. Well I got a great family and good friends. I got a job, and money to get by, and my education. I've got a home and food, and a bunch of material things that make my life more than comfortable. I am mentally and physically able, and I’ve got an open mind. The reality is that I am blessed to have so may things that, sadly, the majority of people in this planet don’t. More than that, i got my health, which is more than i can say for other people.
I am blessed in so many ways, and now I see that. We should all learn from each other and start to appreciate life, because it is beautiful, and we never know how much time we have to enjoy it.
So now I understand I am really much happier than I sometimes think. I looked back today and realized I’ve had a great life so far, and despite making a mistake or two along the way, I have absolutely no regrets.
I am feeling so fulfilled, I am so blessed… It’d still be nice if boys called though.