The Idaho Spud: Worse candy ever most resembling a turd.
In honor of the fact that President Obama will likely not be winning the completely irrelevant state of Idaho, I think it would be appropriate for me to discuss a nasty little treat named in honor of said state and it's favorite product: shit.
A co-worker of mine came back from a weekend trip to Austin, TX bearing gifts of old-timey candy, including the much detested Idaho Spud.
Packaged, one wonders, "What can this be??" Obviously chocolate is involved. Maybe potatoes. Possibly both.
Unleashed:
How rude.
Oh but it gets worse... much, much worse...
Untouched, it looks like shit covered in dandruff. Opened, it looks like shit-covered marshmallow shit covered in dandruff. And the taste? How shall I describe the melange of flavors? Well, first, let me mention that my first reaction was acute nausea, followed by panic (I walked back to my desk and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST EAT??!" I would have spat it out, but that would have been rude.) My next reaction was wondering if the amount I consumed would kill me. And this is mostly just from the texture, which, as I described to someone else, is something like the thickest of whipped phlegm. The flavor is, either on purpose or not, something like potato-y. Let's get graphic.
Imagine a marshmallow. Hmm, fluffy, sweet, brand-name! Now imagine a completely off-brand marshmallow. Not so fluffy, kind of tastes like chemicals. Now imagine that off-brand marshmallow was powdered mash potato-flavored. Ehh, okay. Now imagine that that powdered potato-flavored off-brand marshmallow was steeped in rancid jizz and covered in chocolate that was probably around when your nana was born. Sprinkle that with some dry-ass coconut. Presto! You have just been Spud'ed. Now you can curl up and cry.
Briefly... RE: MGMT Halloween Spectacular. Everything was supremely awesome, except the entire audience. Now back to harassing Republican anonymously on messageboards...
A co-worker of mine came back from a weekend trip to Austin, TX bearing gifts of old-timey candy, including the much detested Idaho Spud.
Packaged, one wonders, "What can this be??" Obviously chocolate is involved. Maybe potatoes. Possibly both.
Unleashed:
How rude.
Oh but it gets worse... much, much worse...
Untouched, it looks like shit covered in dandruff. Opened, it looks like shit-covered marshmallow shit covered in dandruff. And the taste? How shall I describe the melange of flavors? Well, first, let me mention that my first reaction was acute nausea, followed by panic (I walked back to my desk and yelled, "WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST EAT??!" I would have spat it out, but that would have been rude.) My next reaction was wondering if the amount I consumed would kill me. And this is mostly just from the texture, which, as I described to someone else, is something like the thickest of whipped phlegm. The flavor is, either on purpose or not, something like potato-y. Let's get graphic.
Imagine a marshmallow. Hmm, fluffy, sweet, brand-name! Now imagine a completely off-brand marshmallow. Not so fluffy, kind of tastes like chemicals. Now imagine that off-brand marshmallow was powdered mash potato-flavored. Ehh, okay. Now imagine that that powdered potato-flavored off-brand marshmallow was steeped in rancid jizz and covered in chocolate that was probably around when your nana was born. Sprinkle that with some dry-ass coconut. Presto! You have just been Spud'ed. Now you can curl up and cry.
Briefly... RE: MGMT Halloween Spectacular. Everything was supremely awesome, except the entire audience. Now back to harassing Republican anonymously on messageboards...