(no subject)
so i have decided to not care whether i am happy or not. i am going to try to start being ok with being sad and then maybe i will be able to get happy. i mean people keep telling me that i need to tell people that i am not doing very well. that then they will be easier on me. but thats not going to do anything because then whats gunna happen when things get hard and i can;t avoid them. and then others say i should address what is upsetting me. but that is hard to do when i don't really know what it is that is upsetting me. i want to be happy. but i think i need to accept the fact that you can't be hapyy all the time and that its ok to be sad and frustrated. if i allow myself to get down sometimes then maybe i will more capable of being up. i am also going to try to stop caring about what i am doing right now. i keep looking to the future like college, thinking that when i get there i will be happy. i just have to get through this next year. but thats no way to look at life. so i need to start to take advantage of life. i need to stop caring about what people think of me. i need to stop thinking that i am being a pest. it has become a vicious cycle, i don't push for people to hang out with me, i rarely call people to see if they want to hang out. and i absolutly hate inviting myself. but that means i sit home by myself. and... this can't go on. i should be going out all the time. i have friends. life should be one exciting and new adventure after anouther. instead i am scared and nervous and moving backwards. so i am going to try to let my life go.