Aug 05, 2006 04:02
my male co-worker should be commended. he actually managed to remember a conversation that we females were having earlier in the day, and after the kids left, he put on some music that related to our earlier conversation. How was he supposed to know that hearing Relient K would make me, well, not cry (i managed to not cry! :-) ), but definitly be a little sad for a little while. then the rest of my co-workers all yelled out "Joe! why'd you play something that would make andrea sad?!? you're so meeeeaaaan!" it was enough for me to laugh and get my equilibrium back.
you know what happens when i go to bed at 9:30 pm? i wake up suddenly at 3:35 am with the thought, "he's awake. find laptop." i'm articulate in the morning. well, needless to say, i can't get back to sleep. i know, i know. i'm a sad pathethic creature. tough.
the little kids at the preschool crack me up sometimes. they go around saying that "so-n-so's my boyfriend" (or girlfriend, as the case may be), they have little soap-operas that are clearly things that they see their older sibs, or sometmes parents doing. little drams that most weeks i simply take with a grain of salt and give a nonesensical answer to, and the drama stops in a peal of laughter. this week was harder. see, we have to keep certain kids separate, so that they cease to invade each other's space. they need to develope as their own person, not as an extension of the other. well, one of the kids in this pairing that i've been in charge of separating turned to me the other day and said, "we are good friends. we don't want to be separated." normally, i would have been able ato come up with a cute little answer to that, get them into different rooms, and the incident would be over. but, there was little trevor saying that he didn't want to be separated from his friends, and he was saying it so soon after weekend bittersweet, that i kinda looked at the little boy, paused for a few moments (the kid waited, surprisingly), and said to him, "sometimes we have to be separated from our friends. it doesn't mean that we love them any less. one of my best friends isn't coming back to school with me, and i'm going to miss him, but separation from one's friends is a part of life." well, wouldn't you know, little trevor looked at me for a moment, turned to his friends, said "guys, i'm going to see what's in the other room now. you guys need to stay here." a long answer that i barely got through worked better than all my cute answers have in the past.
it has been definitly odd, though. the little kids are trying to figure out how i can have a big friend with the same name as one of them. on the other hand, the fact that i have a friend with the same name as one of their own comes in handy. all the kids look up to little trevor (1, because he towers over them). since they all look up to little trevor, if i can relate a story to "my big friend trevor", the kids listen, and follow the moral of the story, since the name of my friend is the name of their friend.
last friday, there was marshmallow stuck in "my" rug (the rug that i have to clean at the preschool), so elizabeth and i vinegared it. then the weekend was so bittersweet (it wasn't fully horrible, because it was a nice a setting with good friends). so this week, there was frosting ground into my rug. i vacumed it and left it. i can't take another bad weekend. this is now august. it's been august for a couple days, but i was still reelling from a sucky july.
i have to say, i'm greatful for this chance to show myself that i do have normal reactions to loss. so many times in the past, when it came time to part with friends, boyfriends, or familiy members, i was always the dry-eyed one. i knew the loss was coming, i anticipated it, and when the good-byes happened, i was the rock. well, let me just say that i was refreshingly not the rock this time. i had a normal reaction to loss, and it was really nice. well, the crying for days, the being "not hungry" (i.e. too upset to eat right), i haven't even argued with colleen since returning from ohio. before i went, there was a spat every few days or so (too long cooped up with each other).
the wond chimes are singing. there's one problem -- there's no breeze where they are right now. :-)
No one has "allowed" me to sit and wallow. it's been really funny to watch, as a casual observer (yes, i just said that i am "casually observing" my life). but listen to this: at work, granted, i was no slacker before, but now, the minute i step into the classroom, it's like connie feels a disturbance in the force or something, and immediately asks me if i can help her with something. i haven't done any smallgroup stuff since the beginning of this week -- i've been the motor TA. get me moving, running around after the kids. don't let me sit in a smallgroup situation where all i really end up doing is engaging a small fraction of my brain into what is going on in the room. in smallgroup, the only reason for the second body in the room is for safety reasons. in motor, there is losts more for me to do, so i can't go to "la-la-land" and escape reality.
there are certain things that you cannot pull past these kids. at snack time, the adults eat snack at the same time as the kids, well, we have the option of eating. it's good modeling. well, this past monday, i didn't eat with the kids. i wasn't hungry. one of the little girls yells out in the middle of snack, "WHY AREN'T YOU EATING ANYTHING, ANDWREWA?" (this child only communicates at a yell). well, think of something fast andrea. so, on monday i was "not hungry" and none of the kids believed me. tuesday, same thing. the kids didn't believe that i was not hungry. wednesday, same thing, but someone brought in donuts. once i had something to eat, the kids stopped bugging me to eat. thursday, again, donuts were brought in, and when i had one infront of the kids they stopped their nagging. Guess i'm not allowed to waste away to nothing in my sadness. even if it wasn't for the kids, i simply like food too much to not eat. it came close for a while there.
colleen's alarmclock rang about 7 minutes ago, at 5 am. i haven't heard any movement at all coming from any of the regions upstairs. at all.
i'm thinking fo getting another hour's worth of sleep. i have a long day today, and the reason why i think i woke up at this early hour never happened. oh well. sigh. these things happen. life has an interesting way of moving on.
i'm going to be doing yoga at 7:15 in the morning this upcoming schoolyear. i'm looking forward to it. for one thing, it will be with Mel and Karen. that'll be fun! :-) for another, yoga is something that i have wanted to do for a while, and this should be a great way to start.
i need to get the paperwork done for sheila's respite stuff. and i need to get my license. all things with time. if i have no license, then i have no car, and i can't do respite for sheila.
endings,
family,
thoughts,
trevor,
friends,
alone,
children,
preschool,
emotions