A bad time for the past
Who: Rinali, her cell phone, and whoever else (out of the people in Cali, of course)
What: Calling big brother and wandering the beach
When: March 17, 2008 (Evening)
Where: California
Warnings: Possible Language and an emo Rinali
FINISHED
Rinali wandered her way down the sandy beach late in the evening. The stars were brilliant in the sky, and the muted sounds of the waves rustling against the shore made for a very serene experience.
Rinali, however, was not serene in the slightest. She wandered down the beach, still in her over sized t-shirt which belonged to her liar of a brother. She stared at her cell phone, trying to muster the courage to call him. She had slept all day...and had wanted so badly to go have fun with everyone....but she couldn't...not in this state.
Her medicine wasn't working again, and she could feel herself slipping more and more into crushing doubt and a need to hurt herself. She had to ask him...maybe if she asked him it would help her.
She finally called. She stopped walking and stood facing the open ocean, while the wind blew lazily through her hair, making her pigtails flutter out to her left side.
"Heya," came the familiar voice on the phone, "having a good time without big brother around to ruin everything?" He was joking of course, but Rinali wasn't laughing.
"My medicine isn't working again, and I need to ask you something," she said bluntly, in a very flat voice missing all of her usual cheer and kindness.
"Are you okay? Do you need me to come get you??" he naturally began to worry and sound panicked, it always scared him out of his mind when her medicine stopped working.
"I'm fine, stay where you are. I keep feeling like everything I know right now is wrong, and I can't make the feeling go away anymore. I keep getting strange images and dreams, and some of the people I am with for some reason seem to know me. Tell me what's going on."
There was a long pause at the other end of the phone, followed by a dejected sigh. "First thing's first. I want you to know I didn't lie to you for any other reason but to help you get better..."
Rinali cut him off, "So you DID lie?? You've been lying to your sick sister??"
"Let me finish!" It wasn't like Komui to yell...and it surprised Rinali to the point of falling silent to allow him to finish. "I'm not telling you exactly what happened, that is something your mind has to remember on it's own to fully adjust, understand?" he didn't wait for her answer. "At eleven years old you experienced a massive trauma...massive enough to change you completely. Naturally, you blocked it out. However....instead of just having repressed memories you spiraled into self-loathing and madness. All you did was try to kill yourself, and even try to kill me for a whole year. I couldn't even take my eyes off of you. Hell, I even had to take you to WORK and keep you tied up in a chair, Linali."
She went ahead and cut him off, "Why did you call me Linali? Everyone has been calling me that. I keep thinking it's just a strange mispronunciation everyone is experiencing but...I don't get it. My name is Rinali...R-i-n-a-l-i."
"No, your name is Linali Li. Let me finish please and I'll explain. Now, in order to keep you from terminating your own life I had to put you on mental stabilizers. Prompted by the medication...your mind created it's own safe fabricated world for you to live in. It's not permanent, it's only there to help you cope with your trauma do you understand?."
Linali was speechless...well...almost. "So, why do I have two names then?"
Komui sighed. "Just let me explain please. We didn't live in Colorado all our lives. You and I were born in America yes, but our parents took us back to china shortly after you were born. For reasons based around the trauma you experienced I took you with me back here to America, and to Colorado. You have been enrolled in this school before, and probably know some of the people there a little. You weren't there long...because you had a horrible episode with your mental condition. I don't know what caused it...but you were in the hospital for months and nothing was working. Just when we thought we were going to lose you to madness you suddenly recovered. So, I kept you out of school up until this point. I re-enlisted you in the same school because...well...I can't move because of my job...and I don't have time to home-school you." He had almost forgotten to explain her name situation. "Oh, after your episode you began calling yourself Rinali instead of Linali...I'm thinking it's your mind's attempt to create an entirely new person away from your trauma-scarred psyche. I really don't know, I'm not a psychologist."
"Linali...it was never my intention to lie to you. I reinforced what your mind had already come up with in the hopes that it would help you get better. The fact you are asking me these questions now, to me, shows your mind is trying to heal."
Linali remained silent. She didn't know how to respond. It sounded so out-there to her...yet she couldn't help thinking it made sense. She wasn't sure she wanted to remember anymore.
"You still there?"
"Yea," she said quietly. All she could think to ask was, "should I keep taking my meds?"
There was a long pause before her brother answered. "I'll leave that up to you. Are you sure you don't need me to come get you? I can fly out there."
Linali shook her head, despite being on the phone. "No, I'm fine. My "new" friends are taking good care of me anyway. The loud-mouthed blond is even a ways down the street keeping an eye on me. He probably thinks I don't know he's there."
"Tell him he'd better keep his hands off. I WILL kill him."
"I wish you'd knock that off. It IS possible for a girl my age to be just friends with a boy."
"But it's not possible for a boy your age to be just friends with a girl."
"I don't care who calls you a genius, you're an idiot." Linali smiled, in spite of herself. Her brother always found a way to make her smile...even when she'd lost her trust in him.
"I know, I have them all fooled," he said with a laugh. "I'll talk to you more about this when you get home okay? Try to have fun."
"Thank you," she said meekly, and added "I love you."
"Me too. Just call if you need me. Bye!" He always hung up too quickly, she thought. Though she had gotten answers, she wasn't at all sure if they even helped at all. She slowly sunk to her knees on the sand, letting the watter boil up around her legs. She held her hands to her face and cried, barely audible over the rushing water surging up and down the shore around her.
What: Calling big brother and wandering the beach
When: March 17, 2008 (Evening)
Where: California
Warnings: Possible Language and an emo Rinali
FINISHED
Rinali wandered her way down the sandy beach late in the evening. The stars were brilliant in the sky, and the muted sounds of the waves rustling against the shore made for a very serene experience.
Rinali, however, was not serene in the slightest. She wandered down the beach, still in her over sized t-shirt which belonged to her liar of a brother. She stared at her cell phone, trying to muster the courage to call him. She had slept all day...and had wanted so badly to go have fun with everyone....but she couldn't...not in this state.
Her medicine wasn't working again, and she could feel herself slipping more and more into crushing doubt and a need to hurt herself. She had to ask him...maybe if she asked him it would help her.
She finally called. She stopped walking and stood facing the open ocean, while the wind blew lazily through her hair, making her pigtails flutter out to her left side.
"Heya," came the familiar voice on the phone, "having a good time without big brother around to ruin everything?" He was joking of course, but Rinali wasn't laughing.
"My medicine isn't working again, and I need to ask you something," she said bluntly, in a very flat voice missing all of her usual cheer and kindness.
"Are you okay? Do you need me to come get you??" he naturally began to worry and sound panicked, it always scared him out of his mind when her medicine stopped working.
"I'm fine, stay where you are. I keep feeling like everything I know right now is wrong, and I can't make the feeling go away anymore. I keep getting strange images and dreams, and some of the people I am with for some reason seem to know me. Tell me what's going on."
There was a long pause at the other end of the phone, followed by a dejected sigh. "First thing's first. I want you to know I didn't lie to you for any other reason but to help you get better..."
Rinali cut him off, "So you DID lie?? You've been lying to your sick sister??"
"Let me finish!" It wasn't like Komui to yell...and it surprised Rinali to the point of falling silent to allow him to finish. "I'm not telling you exactly what happened, that is something your mind has to remember on it's own to fully adjust, understand?" he didn't wait for her answer. "At eleven years old you experienced a massive trauma...massive enough to change you completely. Naturally, you blocked it out. However....instead of just having repressed memories you spiraled into self-loathing and madness. All you did was try to kill yourself, and even try to kill me for a whole year. I couldn't even take my eyes off of you. Hell, I even had to take you to WORK and keep you tied up in a chair, Linali."
She went ahead and cut him off, "Why did you call me Linali? Everyone has been calling me that. I keep thinking it's just a strange mispronunciation everyone is experiencing but...I don't get it. My name is Rinali...R-i-n-a-l-i."
"No, your name is Linali Li. Let me finish please and I'll explain. Now, in order to keep you from terminating your own life I had to put you on mental stabilizers. Prompted by the medication...your mind created it's own safe fabricated world for you to live in. It's not permanent, it's only there to help you cope with your trauma do you understand?."
Linali was speechless...well...almost. "So, why do I have two names then?"
Komui sighed. "Just let me explain please. We didn't live in Colorado all our lives. You and I were born in America yes, but our parents took us back to china shortly after you were born. For reasons based around the trauma you experienced I took you with me back here to America, and to Colorado. You have been enrolled in this school before, and probably know some of the people there a little. You weren't there long...because you had a horrible episode with your mental condition. I don't know what caused it...but you were in the hospital for months and nothing was working. Just when we thought we were going to lose you to madness you suddenly recovered. So, I kept you out of school up until this point. I re-enlisted you in the same school because...well...I can't move because of my job...and I don't have time to home-school you." He had almost forgotten to explain her name situation. "Oh, after your episode you began calling yourself Rinali instead of Linali...I'm thinking it's your mind's attempt to create an entirely new person away from your trauma-scarred psyche. I really don't know, I'm not a psychologist."
"Linali...it was never my intention to lie to you. I reinforced what your mind had already come up with in the hopes that it would help you get better. The fact you are asking me these questions now, to me, shows your mind is trying to heal."
Linali remained silent. She didn't know how to respond. It sounded so out-there to her...yet she couldn't help thinking it made sense. She wasn't sure she wanted to remember anymore.
"You still there?"
"Yea," she said quietly. All she could think to ask was, "should I keep taking my meds?"
There was a long pause before her brother answered. "I'll leave that up to you. Are you sure you don't need me to come get you? I can fly out there."
Linali shook her head, despite being on the phone. "No, I'm fine. My "new" friends are taking good care of me anyway. The loud-mouthed blond is even a ways down the street keeping an eye on me. He probably thinks I don't know he's there."
"Tell him he'd better keep his hands off. I WILL kill him."
"I wish you'd knock that off. It IS possible for a girl my age to be just friends with a boy."
"But it's not possible for a boy your age to be just friends with a girl."
"I don't care who calls you a genius, you're an idiot." Linali smiled, in spite of herself. Her brother always found a way to make her smile...even when she'd lost her trust in him.
"I know, I have them all fooled," he said with a laugh. "I'll talk to you more about this when you get home okay? Try to have fun."
"Thank you," she said meekly, and added "I love you."
"Me too. Just call if you need me. Bye!" He always hung up too quickly, she thought. Though she had gotten answers, she wasn't at all sure if they even helped at all. She slowly sunk to her knees on the sand, letting the watter boil up around her legs. She held her hands to her face and cried, barely audible over the rushing water surging up and down the shore around her.