Waking up humbled
Hmmmm... God is so good at gently responding even when we have been really ungrateful and a bit snippish. Of course He is... He is God!
In update to my freak-out post earlier -- I figure if I am going to put the thrashings out there, I need to also put the sighs of surrender out there, too. The Lord used Mitch's message on Sunday to get me thinking (http://www.summitview.com/messages.cfm)... helplessness, numbness, hopelessness, and taking things into our own hands...
I do think there was some validity to my feelings, however, I did let them get twisted from honest confusion and sadness into a hopeless anger where I thought talking to someone else would feel better than once again bringing it before the Lord. And when he gently tried to remind me to go to him FIRST, then my heart took it wrong and became entangled in an age-old battle of what is and is not gossip.... and I am honestly sitting here wondering what the big deal was. I took a wise command to not slander or be loose of tongue, and allowed it to make me feel helpless and angry at God for not giving me the outlet I need - how irrational and foolish that sounds to me now.
How easy it is to believe lies. Satan took a struggle in my life and effectively made me feel as though I had absolutely nowhere to turn, when in actuality I had the Creator of the Universe as well as a whole network of people he has blessed me to run with. Why on earth did I feel so incredibly lost? Why did I believe it? We were never meant to run alone, so of course it isn't a sin to share my heart with a trusted friend when I need help -- but it is a sin when I want to do that more and believe there is more refuge in that than in the Lord. I told God, "You already know all this! I need someone new! I need someone who can tell Ryan and me something new - new is refreshing, new is hope".... and that was definitely the wrong motive and pretty ridiculous. I picture God watching a two-year old have a fit because her daddy wouldn't let her pick up the candy off of the street instead of the candy out of his hand. After I sat still long enough to hear that and admit it, then God brought several people to me offering to be an ear. I am humbled by how foolish I am when I think I know everything. Things in my family are still pretty sad, but God is no less powerful than He ever was, so prayer it is! And prayer is a very powerful tool. If anyone tells you otherwise they are lying.
Thanks to everyone who offered to help.
You can just pray for my family to let God be the platform upon which all decisions are made. That faith will increase and become real, that they will truly come to know God. That each of my family members will walk with God closer than anything/anyone else. That He will heal all the brokenness that has built up over the years, and be glorified in their lives by how perfect and powerful and awesome He is in all circumstances.
Now.... was that so hard?
In update to my freak-out post earlier -- I figure if I am going to put the thrashings out there, I need to also put the sighs of surrender out there, too. The Lord used Mitch's message on Sunday to get me thinking (http://www.summitview.com/messages.cfm)... helplessness, numbness, hopelessness, and taking things into our own hands...
I do think there was some validity to my feelings, however, I did let them get twisted from honest confusion and sadness into a hopeless anger where I thought talking to someone else would feel better than once again bringing it before the Lord. And when he gently tried to remind me to go to him FIRST, then my heart took it wrong and became entangled in an age-old battle of what is and is not gossip.... and I am honestly sitting here wondering what the big deal was. I took a wise command to not slander or be loose of tongue, and allowed it to make me feel helpless and angry at God for not giving me the outlet I need - how irrational and foolish that sounds to me now.
How easy it is to believe lies. Satan took a struggle in my life and effectively made me feel as though I had absolutely nowhere to turn, when in actuality I had the Creator of the Universe as well as a whole network of people he has blessed me to run with. Why on earth did I feel so incredibly lost? Why did I believe it? We were never meant to run alone, so of course it isn't a sin to share my heart with a trusted friend when I need help -- but it is a sin when I want to do that more and believe there is more refuge in that than in the Lord. I told God, "You already know all this! I need someone new! I need someone who can tell Ryan and me something new - new is refreshing, new is hope".... and that was definitely the wrong motive and pretty ridiculous. I picture God watching a two-year old have a fit because her daddy wouldn't let her pick up the candy off of the street instead of the candy out of his hand. After I sat still long enough to hear that and admit it, then God brought several people to me offering to be an ear. I am humbled by how foolish I am when I think I know everything. Things in my family are still pretty sad, but God is no less powerful than He ever was, so prayer it is! And prayer is a very powerful tool. If anyone tells you otherwise they are lying.
Thanks to everyone who offered to help.
You can just pray for my family to let God be the platform upon which all decisions are made. That faith will increase and become real, that they will truly come to know God. That each of my family members will walk with God closer than anything/anyone else. That He will heal all the brokenness that has built up over the years, and be glorified in their lives by how perfect and powerful and awesome He is in all circumstances.
Now.... was that so hard?