Yo Mama Jokes!
YOMOMMA'S SO FAT...
...her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.
...when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
...her nickname is "Damn!"
...she eats Wheat Thicks.
...we're in her right now.
...people jog around her for exercise.
...she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
...she has been declared a natural habitat for condors.
...you haveta roll over twice to get off her.
...she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her.
...when you get on top of her your ears pop.
...when she has sex, she has to give directions.
...she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
...when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!"
...she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
...she has to iron her pants on the driveway
...she put on her lipstick with a paint roller.
...she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
...when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please."
...she fell in love and broke it.
...when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued."
...she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon.
...whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in.
...even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction.
...I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
...she wakes up in sections.
...when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck.
...that her senior pictures had to be arial views.
...she's on both sides of the family.
...that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
...even her clothes have stretch marks.
...she has a run in her blue-jeans.
...when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
...that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
...she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
...when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
...that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
YO MOMMA'S SO STUPID...
...it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
…she ordered her sushi well done.
...when she went to the movies and saw the "Under 17 Not Admitted" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
...that she puts lipstick on her head just to make up her mind.
...she could trip over a cordless phone.
...she sold her car for gas money.
…she got hit by a parked car.
...she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
…she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
…she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.
…every time she blinks, she get lost.
…she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
…she jumped out the window and went up.
…she spent 20 minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "concentrate."
…she couldn't read an audio book.
…she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
…when she heard 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
...when you stand next to her you hear the ocean.
…she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the Ws.
…she sits on the TV, and watches the couch.
YO MOMMA'S SO UGLY...
...when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
…she could scare a dog off a meat truck.
...she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
…she just got a job at the airport sniffing for drugs.
...just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" Her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
...they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
...instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.
...her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
…her dentist treats her by mail.
…even Rice Krispies won't talk to her.
...her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
…she could curdle urine.
...when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours just for a quote.
…I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
...she tried to take a bath the water jumped out.
…it looks like she sleeps on a bed of nails-face down.
…her doctor is a veterinarian.
…she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.
...that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
YO MOMMA'S SO OLD...
...I told her to act her own age, and she died.
...she has Jesus' beeper number.
...her social security number is 1.
...that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch.
...that when she was in school there was no history class.
...she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
...her birth certificate says expired on it.
...she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
YO MOMMA'S SO POOR...
...when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Moving."
...she can't afford to pay attention.
…when someone rings her doorbell, she says, "Ding!"
…she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
...I stepped through her front door and fell out the back.
...when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.
YO MOMMA'S SO HAIRY...
...you almost died of rugburn at birth.
...she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
...her cereal bowl has a lifeguard.
...when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
...her nickname is "Damn!"
...she eats Wheat Thicks.
...we're in her right now.
...people jog around her for exercise.
...she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
...she has been declared a natural habitat for condors.
...you haveta roll over twice to get off her.
...she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her.
...when you get on top of her your ears pop.
...when she has sex, she has to give directions.
...she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay!"
...when she wears a yellow raincoat, people say, "Taxi!"
...she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
...she has to iron her pants on the driveway
...she put on her lipstick with a paint roller.
...she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
...when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please."
...she fell in love and broke it.
...when she gets on the scale it says, "To be continued."
...she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon.
...whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in.
...even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction.
...I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
...she wakes up in sections.
...when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck.
...that her senior pictures had to be arial views.
...she's on both sides of the family.
...that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
...even her clothes have stretch marks.
...she has a run in her blue-jeans.
...when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
...that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
...she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
...when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
...that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
YO MOMMA'S SO STUPID...
...it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
…she ordered her sushi well done.
...when she went to the movies and saw the "Under 17 Not Admitted" sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
...that she puts lipstick on her head just to make up her mind.
...she could trip over a cordless phone.
...she sold her car for gas money.
…she got hit by a parked car.
...she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
...she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
…she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
…she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.
…every time she blinks, she get lost.
…she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
…she jumped out the window and went up.
…she spent 20 minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "concentrate."
…she couldn't read an audio book.
…she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.
…when she heard 90% of all accidents occur around the home, she moved.
...when you stand next to her you hear the ocean.
…she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the Ws.
…she sits on the TV, and watches the couch.
YO MOMMA'S SO UGLY...
...when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals."
…she could scare a dog off a meat truck.
...she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
…she just got a job at the airport sniffing for drugs.
...just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" Her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
...they filmed Gorillas in the Mist in her shower.
...instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck.
...her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
…her dentist treats her by mail.
…even Rice Krispies won't talk to her.
...her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
…she could curdle urine.
...when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours just for a quote.
…I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
...she tried to take a bath the water jumped out.
…it looks like she sleeps on a bed of nails-face down.
…her doctor is a veterinarian.
…she practices birth control by leaving the lights on.
...that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
YO MOMMA'S SO OLD...
...I told her to act her own age, and she died.
...she has Jesus' beeper number.
...her social security number is 1.
...that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch.
...that when she was in school there was no history class.
...she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
...her birth certificate says expired on it.
...she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
YO MOMMA'S SO POOR...
...when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Moving."
...she can't afford to pay attention.
…when someone rings her doorbell, she says, "Ding!"
…she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
...I stepped through her front door and fell out the back.
...when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers.
YO MOMMA'S SO HAIRY...
...you almost died of rugburn at birth.
...she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.