I had a lot of catching up to do...
So, I hadn't played CoX in a few months, just because life and work and other games were clubbing me like the proverbial baby seal, so I took the nice long Easter Weekend to get back into it and see what was happening. I decided to deprive myself of all the available information on Issue 21 and 22 and what not and jump right in.
[A popup message shows up saying that Captain Nolan wants to talk to me. Yadda yadda. I close that because, whatever, I'm sure he doesn't have anything important to say.]
"Hi, Paragon City, I'm Recyclotrix, and I'm back from my, uh, sabbatical program in Australia. What's shakin'?"
"GAAAAAAAAH DARK GOD EATING SOULS HELP PLZTHX"
"Goddammit."
"THATS NOT FUNNY."
"Ok, ok, Dark Astoria here I come."
[insert travel time here, including the part where I forgot about Ouroboros portaling and took the subway. How lowbrow. Real heroes use interdimensional portals to get around.]
"I'll just go through this big door and... WTF?"
"Hi, can I help you, good Heroic person?"
"Hello, Paragon City Security Person. I would like to go to Dark Astoria. I heard there is a cranky deity who needs smacking."
"Oh. This door is closed."
"Thank you, I can see that. How do I get in?"
"I'm not really paid enough to know that. But it's not here."
"Hmm. So what are you paid to do?"
"Tell you not to go through this closed door."
"Goddammit."
[I will not use Paragon Wiki to find the way. It will be obvious and logical and I can do this on my own.]
[...]
[...OK, if I were a portal to another city zone, where would I hide?]
"Oh, good Heroic person, Dark Astoria is full of really bad things. You should probably warm up to it with some new information."
"And you would have this information?"
"Oh no, I'm just here to tell you about this door. But my supervisor, Captain Nolan, knows a bit more. Maybe you should talk to him, like the popup screen suggested ten minutes ago."
"...fine. You win this round, but we shall meet again."
[Ok, this time I can use the Ouroboros portal and get there. Thanks, Mender Nemesilos!]
"Ok, Captain Nolan, I see you're buddies with Detective McLord, hanging around outside the Police Station and not arresting the eight Nemesis Dragoons twenty feet away. What do you have for me?"
"He's dead, Jim."
"I'm ready for punching! Except I'm a controller, so maybe not too much punching."
"Joke's on you, then; here's a mission with words and stuff instead."
[I fell in a pit with tentacles! And there was a guy in there! And hey, check out that new splash screen for Dark Astoria! It's got more tentacles! City of Hentai, here we come!]
"Hello, Dark Astoria! I will save you from... oh sweet mother of cheeses, they got rid of that annoying fog. Ok, Mot, you get full credit for that one. You da bomb."
"Please stop praising the Dark God. That's in bad taste."
"Sorry, Ms. Townshend. What's the drill?"
"Go save these two Midnighters."
"Montague said the same thing to me thirty levels ago."
"You're their only hope."
"Dammit, I fell for it then too."
[Still, now I had an opportunity to hit things! With powers!]
"This looks like a job for my friend Singh. Come on out, buddy!"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"I do say, Singh, you look a little more... badass than usual. Why is that?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"Fair enough. You never were the best conversationalist. Let's move on and beat up some... Knives of Vengeance! Grav Distortion and Propel, two hit combo and whoah, Propel's a lot faster than it used to be. Let's try that again on someone... else... umm... Singh, did you take out everyone else for me?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"If you weren't a non-corporeal gravitational field, I would have sex with you. Let's find some more jerks to hit... there! Grav Distortion and Propel!"
*IMPACT DAMAGE*
"Holy shit, what was that? Impact? Is Propel actually giving splash damage?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"It was a rhetorical question, Singh. And good job killing arresting those other jerks. Let's finish this story."
[And in conclusion, Mot ate a Knife of Artemis. I never liked those ladies anyway. OM NOM NOM.]
[And then I was helping the Tsoo. Except I was hitting them at the same time. My helpfulness seems suspect.]
[Wait, what's this? A "personal story mission"? No fighting, just story? I pretend I'm Heather and redeem her past? I... ok, I like the concept. I'll play along.]
"Ok, I'm in, I look like Heather, and... Singh, how did you get in here?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
[Quick, easy, redeemed, badge. Next!]
"Ok, I can get a mission from a new contact. Or, I could wander around this new zone and see what's up. And... hey, are those guys Level 54?"
[PWNT]
"This is a really nice hospital."
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"Ok, no more street sweeping for the moment. Let's call this new contact and... What, I'm helping Arachnos now? Listen, I did the whole tip mission thing, went all the way down and back. Arachnos is jerks. Now I'm chatting with Moo Vorkan, and he says they're here to help stop Mot?"
"I did say that. I'm also planning to usurp Scirocco and become Lord Recluse's newest Patron. But you'll find that out in my Personal Story Mission where you pretend to be me."
"...Fine. I guess Scirocco was always the least jerky of the Patrons. Singh and I can totally go along."
[ICE MISTRAL OM NOM NOM]
"Awww, he's sad! It's touching, I'm touched. What do you think, Singh?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"My thoughts exactly. So... what's next? Let's see... Max wants to talk on the phone. And Max is... a Malta Agent? Really? I've helped the Tsoo, Arachnos, and now Malta? Am I sure I'm still batting for the right team?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"What do you mean, the Praetorians are next? I need a break. Enough of this Mot nonsense. Dark God, feeding on death, gotta work with enemies, end of the world, rah bah bah. Let's try something else... Ah, the Signature Story Arcs! Haven't played since Episode IV: A New Hope. Let's see what V, VI, and VII hold! ONWARD FOR GLORY!"
[hours later]
"Right, so, Reborn God, draining powers, had to work with enemies, end of the world. Guess they showed me. Also, when did Penelope Yin get all growed up? And... Oooh, Lore and Judgement unlocked! Too much new information! What else is there?"
[Two BAFs, an ITF, a Keyes, some tips and Morality, some Ouroboros flashbacks, and two TPNs later...]
"Brain... no worky... zzzzzz."
[And on the third day he rested.]
FIN
[A popup message shows up saying that Captain Nolan wants to talk to me. Yadda yadda. I close that because, whatever, I'm sure he doesn't have anything important to say.]
"Hi, Paragon City, I'm Recyclotrix, and I'm back from my, uh, sabbatical program in Australia. What's shakin'?"
"GAAAAAAAAH DARK GOD EATING SOULS HELP PLZTHX"
"Goddammit."
"THATS NOT FUNNY."
"Ok, ok, Dark Astoria here I come."
[insert travel time here, including the part where I forgot about Ouroboros portaling and took the subway. How lowbrow. Real heroes use interdimensional portals to get around.]
"I'll just go through this big door and... WTF?"
"Hi, can I help you, good Heroic person?"
"Hello, Paragon City Security Person. I would like to go to Dark Astoria. I heard there is a cranky deity who needs smacking."
"Oh. This door is closed."
"Thank you, I can see that. How do I get in?"
"I'm not really paid enough to know that. But it's not here."
"Hmm. So what are you paid to do?"
"Tell you not to go through this closed door."
"Goddammit."
[I will not use Paragon Wiki to find the way. It will be obvious and logical and I can do this on my own.]
[...]
[...OK, if I were a portal to another city zone, where would I hide?]
"Oh, good Heroic person, Dark Astoria is full of really bad things. You should probably warm up to it with some new information."
"And you would have this information?"
"Oh no, I'm just here to tell you about this door. But my supervisor, Captain Nolan, knows a bit more. Maybe you should talk to him, like the popup screen suggested ten minutes ago."
"...fine. You win this round, but we shall meet again."
[Ok, this time I can use the Ouroboros portal and get there. Thanks, Mender Nemesilos!]
"Ok, Captain Nolan, I see you're buddies with Detective McLord, hanging around outside the Police Station and not arresting the eight Nemesis Dragoons twenty feet away. What do you have for me?"
"He's dead, Jim."
"I'm ready for punching! Except I'm a controller, so maybe not too much punching."
"Joke's on you, then; here's a mission with words and stuff instead."
[I fell in a pit with tentacles! And there was a guy in there! And hey, check out that new splash screen for Dark Astoria! It's got more tentacles! City of Hentai, here we come!]
"Hello, Dark Astoria! I will save you from... oh sweet mother of cheeses, they got rid of that annoying fog. Ok, Mot, you get full credit for that one. You da bomb."
"Please stop praising the Dark God. That's in bad taste."
"Sorry, Ms. Townshend. What's the drill?"
"Go save these two Midnighters."
"Montague said the same thing to me thirty levels ago."
"You're their only hope."
"Dammit, I fell for it then too."
[Still, now I had an opportunity to hit things! With powers!]
"This looks like a job for my friend Singh. Come on out, buddy!"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"I do say, Singh, you look a little more... badass than usual. Why is that?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"Fair enough. You never were the best conversationalist. Let's move on and beat up some... Knives of Vengeance! Grav Distortion and Propel, two hit combo and whoah, Propel's a lot faster than it used to be. Let's try that again on someone... else... umm... Singh, did you take out everyone else for me?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"If you weren't a non-corporeal gravitational field, I would have sex with you. Let's find some more jerks to hit... there! Grav Distortion and Propel!"
*IMPACT DAMAGE*
"Holy shit, what was that? Impact? Is Propel actually giving splash damage?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"It was a rhetorical question, Singh. And good job killing arresting those other jerks. Let's finish this story."
[And in conclusion, Mot ate a Knife of Artemis. I never liked those ladies anyway. OM NOM NOM.]
[And then I was helping the Tsoo. Except I was hitting them at the same time. My helpfulness seems suspect.]
[Wait, what's this? A "personal story mission"? No fighting, just story? I pretend I'm Heather and redeem her past? I... ok, I like the concept. I'll play along.]
"Ok, I'm in, I look like Heather, and... Singh, how did you get in here?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
[Quick, easy, redeemed, badge. Next!]
"Ok, I can get a mission from a new contact. Or, I could wander around this new zone and see what's up. And... hey, are those guys Level 54?"
[PWNT]
"This is a really nice hospital."
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"Ok, no more street sweeping for the moment. Let's call this new contact and... What, I'm helping Arachnos now? Listen, I did the whole tip mission thing, went all the way down and back. Arachnos is jerks. Now I'm chatting with Moo Vorkan, and he says they're here to help stop Mot?"
"I did say that. I'm also planning to usurp Scirocco and become Lord Recluse's newest Patron. But you'll find that out in my Personal Story Mission where you pretend to be me."
"...Fine. I guess Scirocco was always the least jerky of the Patrons. Singh and I can totally go along."
[ICE MISTRAL OM NOM NOM]
"Awww, he's sad! It's touching, I'm touched. What do you think, Singh?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"My thoughts exactly. So... what's next? Let's see... Max wants to talk on the phone. And Max is... a Malta Agent? Really? I've helped the Tsoo, Arachnos, and now Malta? Am I sure I'm still batting for the right team?"
"wrrrmmmwwwrrrmmmmwrrrmmmm"
"What do you mean, the Praetorians are next? I need a break. Enough of this Mot nonsense. Dark God, feeding on death, gotta work with enemies, end of the world, rah bah bah. Let's try something else... Ah, the Signature Story Arcs! Haven't played since Episode IV: A New Hope. Let's see what V, VI, and VII hold! ONWARD FOR GLORY!"
[hours later]
"Right, so, Reborn God, draining powers, had to work with enemies, end of the world. Guess they showed me. Also, when did Penelope Yin get all growed up? And... Oooh, Lore and Judgement unlocked! Too much new information! What else is there?"
[Two BAFs, an ITF, a Keyes, some tips and Morality, some Ouroboros flashbacks, and two TPNs later...]
"Brain... no worky... zzzzzz."
[And on the third day he rested.]
FIN