(no subject)
"It just means your body knows what you're supposed to be, and it's trying to change it."
Today I've been feeling extra down and upset. Crying at the drop of the hat, because, unfortunately the magical faerie has decided that I'm still physically female, and has 'blessed me' with yet another monthly reminder of that. Add in the fact that I may have PCOS, and I've been one miserable duckling. (note: I probably do, I pretty much hit all the symptoms on the head). I know I have to go to the doctors, but I was feeling extra pathetic today. (for those that don't know PCOS is basically my body producing high amounts of Testosterone normally, and because I happen to have been born female, the body likes to go O___O WTF!!!)
I pretty much just want the ovaries out, I want to start T and I'm to the point that if I wasn't sure I'd probably end up killing myself out of sheer stupidity I'd taken a melon baller and try to scoop them out (one of my young fantasies when starting puberty... yes fantasy, not nightmare. The other one included the idea that if I pulled hard enough on my chest, they'd just pop off like suction cups. I used to spend hours fantasizing that I could do it... never could).
But feel like some gum on the bottom of the shoe and getting that low pain that just hurts because it's mean and awful and ugly, I was complaining about just... just the shittiness of it all, and Aylee said the above message.
Not only did I burst into tears, but I felt better than I had all day, all week. It was something I just needed to hear, something that just was... yeah. I don't even have the words, but it meant a lot.
Thank you so much Aylee.
Today I've been feeling extra down and upset. Crying at the drop of the hat, because, unfortunately the magical faerie has decided that I'm still physically female, and has 'blessed me' with yet another monthly reminder of that. Add in the fact that I may have PCOS, and I've been one miserable duckling. (note: I probably do, I pretty much hit all the symptoms on the head). I know I have to go to the doctors, but I was feeling extra pathetic today. (for those that don't know PCOS is basically my body producing high amounts of Testosterone normally, and because I happen to have been born female, the body likes to go O___O WTF!!!)
I pretty much just want the ovaries out, I want to start T and I'm to the point that if I wasn't sure I'd probably end up killing myself out of sheer stupidity I'd taken a melon baller and try to scoop them out (one of my young fantasies when starting puberty... yes fantasy, not nightmare. The other one included the idea that if I pulled hard enough on my chest, they'd just pop off like suction cups. I used to spend hours fantasizing that I could do it... never could).
But feel like some gum on the bottom of the shoe and getting that low pain that just hurts because it's mean and awful and ugly, I was complaining about just... just the shittiness of it all, and Aylee said the above message.
Not only did I burst into tears, but I felt better than I had all day, all week. It was something I just needed to hear, something that just was... yeah. I don't even have the words, but it meant a lot.
Thank you so much Aylee.