The epitome of the enigma that is woman
I know this will probably piss off all the two women that read this, but I can't help myself.
I'd like to introduce Exhibit A in why women are impossible enigmas:
Astronaut tried to kidnap love rival
ORLANDO, Florida (Reuters) - Disguised in a dark wig, glasses and a trench coat, U.S. space shuttle astronaut Lisa Nowak waited in hiding for a woman she considered a rival for another astronaut's affections and tried to kidnap her, police in Orlando said on Monday...
...She told police she drove from Houston to the Orlando International Airport to confront Colleen Shipman, who Nowak considered a rival for the attentions of fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein, the affidavit said.
Nowak, a married flight engineer with three children, was awaiting her next flight assignment after traveling aboard the shuttle Discovery in July 2006.
Let's consider this:
Lisa Nowak is by any definition a very successful and accomplished person. She's an astronaut! Nobody can speak ill of that career path. An astro-fucking-naut! Kudos, Lisa.
BUT WAIT!
Not content with being a kick-ass astronaut, or life with her husband and three kids, she decides pull insane teenage shit:
Around midnight on Monday, Nowak went to the airport disguised in a wig and trench coat, waited for Shipman's flight from Houston to arrive and then followed Shipman to the parking garage armed with pepper spray, a steel mallet and a BB gun, police said.
Nowak also carried black gloves, a folding knife with a 4-inch blade, rubber tubing and trash bags, police said.
So... on one hand, homegirl has her shit together to an awesome degree. She FLIES AROUND SPACE, for crap sake!!! Like you or I ever will.
But on the other hand... what kind of loopy, cartoony bullshit is that? A WIG and a BB GUN? She can escape the gravitational pull of Earth, but can't come up with a better plan than that? And for what?
It gets worse!
In her statement to police, Nowak said she did not intend to physically harm Shipman, but "only wanted to scare Ms. Shipman into talking with her."
In a search of Nowak's car, police later found diapers that Nowak told them she wore so she wouldn't have to stop to urinate during her drive. They also discovered a letter describing how much Nowak loved Oefelein, e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, directions to Shipman's house and receipts indicating Nowak paid only in cash during her trip from Houston, including for her hotel stay.
Scare someone into talking to you? Love notes? Diapers?
Damn, lady.
This woman went so Loony Tunes, I think she might be the first person to contract a cartoon illness: Space Madness
I'm not saying men don't fuck up worse and do crazier shit every single day. We do. But that's our schtick. For every one ordinary man is ten lunatics (and about 10 million ordinary men for every astronaut!)
Ladies, you're supposed to not act as crazy and stupid as men. And that goes triple for women that kick so much ass they become an ass-tronaut.
Pull it together, Nowak. I'm already afraid of women enough as it is.
Then again, if she'd waited until after the mission launch, and killed someone people in orbit, the headlines would have ruled:
Astronaut Killed In Space By Cling-on!
The future would have arrived in one huge lurch...
I'd like to introduce Exhibit A in why women are impossible enigmas:
Astronaut tried to kidnap love rival
ORLANDO, Florida (Reuters) - Disguised in a dark wig, glasses and a trench coat, U.S. space shuttle astronaut Lisa Nowak waited in hiding for a woman she considered a rival for another astronaut's affections and tried to kidnap her, police in Orlando said on Monday...
...She told police she drove from Houston to the Orlando International Airport to confront Colleen Shipman, who Nowak considered a rival for the attentions of fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein, the affidavit said.
Nowak, a married flight engineer with three children, was awaiting her next flight assignment after traveling aboard the shuttle Discovery in July 2006.
Let's consider this:
Lisa Nowak is by any definition a very successful and accomplished person. She's an astronaut! Nobody can speak ill of that career path. An astro-fucking-naut! Kudos, Lisa.
BUT WAIT!
Not content with being a kick-ass astronaut, or life with her husband and three kids, she decides pull insane teenage shit:
Around midnight on Monday, Nowak went to the airport disguised in a wig and trench coat, waited for Shipman's flight from Houston to arrive and then followed Shipman to the parking garage armed with pepper spray, a steel mallet and a BB gun, police said.
Nowak also carried black gloves, a folding knife with a 4-inch blade, rubber tubing and trash bags, police said.
So... on one hand, homegirl has her shit together to an awesome degree. She FLIES AROUND SPACE, for crap sake!!! Like you or I ever will.
But on the other hand... what kind of loopy, cartoony bullshit is that? A WIG and a BB GUN? She can escape the gravitational pull of Earth, but can't come up with a better plan than that? And for what?
It gets worse!
In her statement to police, Nowak said she did not intend to physically harm Shipman, but "only wanted to scare Ms. Shipman into talking with her."
In a search of Nowak's car, police later found diapers that Nowak told them she wore so she wouldn't have to stop to urinate during her drive. They also discovered a letter describing how much Nowak loved Oefelein, e-mails from Shipman to Oefelein, directions to Shipman's house and receipts indicating Nowak paid only in cash during her trip from Houston, including for her hotel stay.
Scare someone into talking to you? Love notes? Diapers?
Damn, lady.
This woman went so Loony Tunes, I think she might be the first person to contract a cartoon illness: Space Madness
I'm not saying men don't fuck up worse and do crazier shit every single day. We do. But that's our schtick. For every one ordinary man is ten lunatics (and about 10 million ordinary men for every astronaut!)
Ladies, you're supposed to not act as crazy and stupid as men. And that goes triple for women that kick so much ass they become an ass-tronaut.
Pull it together, Nowak. I'm already afraid of women enough as it is.
Then again, if she'd waited until after the mission launch, and killed someone people in orbit, the headlines would have ruled:
Astronaut Killed In Space By Cling-on!
The future would have arrived in one huge lurch...