i should've kissed you ...
i talk, but i don't hear myself.
my brain computes each word and forces them out on my tongue but the meaning is lost and the truth is vague.
i've been cursed with a certain knowledge.
figured out some wordly truths I wish I could remain ignorant to.
i'm alive but not living.
my former self is stuffed into the back of my head, chained up and supressed by my chronic fear and phobia ...what am I running from? Where is the fear spawned? I cannot find the source ... I desperatly want to find the source so at least then I'd have some validation ...
I'm so confused.
My mind had become so twisted & numb ...I want more than anything to be forgotten, to be able to fall peacefully out of existance. I am slowly realizing the truths I seek do not exist. We're all alone here.
At the same time I want to be on top of it all.
In the spotlight ... noticed ... someone's reason for waking up every day ... and I want the same ... someone to save me from this bleak gray ... and I resist when love is there ... I push it away and refuse, all because of a past I am not willing to let go and forgive. Not yet.
I hated you.
But I have forgiven you.
I haven't forgiven myself.
I am subconciously punishing myself ....
I am slowly realizing the truths I seek do not exist.
We're all alone here.
things go from simple to complicated
in a matter of sunrise to sunset.
where are you?
i'm taking baby steps to fighting back ...
the light is vague but i see it
maybe i need to stop grasping for a hand to hold and find my own footing for a while ...
...maybe.
my brain computes each word and forces them out on my tongue but the meaning is lost and the truth is vague.
i've been cursed with a certain knowledge.
figured out some wordly truths I wish I could remain ignorant to.
i'm alive but not living.
my former self is stuffed into the back of my head, chained up and supressed by my chronic fear and phobia ...what am I running from? Where is the fear spawned? I cannot find the source ... I desperatly want to find the source so at least then I'd have some validation ...
I'm so confused.
My mind had become so twisted & numb ...I want more than anything to be forgotten, to be able to fall peacefully out of existance. I am slowly realizing the truths I seek do not exist. We're all alone here.
At the same time I want to be on top of it all.
In the spotlight ... noticed ... someone's reason for waking up every day ... and I want the same ... someone to save me from this bleak gray ... and I resist when love is there ... I push it away and refuse, all because of a past I am not willing to let go and forgive. Not yet.
I hated you.
But I have forgiven you.
I haven't forgiven myself.
I am subconciously punishing myself ....
I am slowly realizing the truths I seek do not exist.
We're all alone here.
things go from simple to complicated
in a matter of sunrise to sunset.
where are you?
i'm taking baby steps to fighting back ...
the light is vague but i see it
maybe i need to stop grasping for a hand to hold and find my own footing for a while ...
...maybe.