lonely and out of place
I've no idea who I am anymore.
Nor where I am and what I am doing.
It's been this way for a while -- but the bottom has fallen out.
I shouldn't complain... I have alot of love around me.
I am just so out of touch with it all ---
and the things I know could cure me -- are so far away [distance]...
or things that will never again [probably] be in my life.
I've no motivation for life anymore.
Where I am, it's nice and comfortable, but not where I feel "right".
Those I surround myself with are good and loyal, but not the cure to the hole in my heart.
I know you're out there.
Somewhere out there.
Please find me.
I feel out of touch with God ... and that scares me the most.
So where do I go?
My family thinks I belong in a hospital...
My friends are upset because their efforts and company are fruitless .. they're "worried".
I'm hurting myself and everyone around me .. and I just cannot find it in myself to seek the help I "need".
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore ...
ultimately I want to lock myself away from everyone and everything and be forgotten.
Unrealistic.
My thoughts are fragmented .. my actions are misguided.
My intentions are blurry and without foundation.
I'm losing it.
I need Carrie.
I need Zack .. I need Casey .. I need my "family" that once was my soul reason for existance.
My heart is constantly aching for things I cannot even name ... my light is fading.
And I just watch. I spend half my days now sleeping away time .. only getting up for work or a class or two.
Somehow I manage to mask my devastated being for a few hours at a time -- but even that is a weak act that is starting to become steadily more obvious ... I don't know what to do -- I don't know how to save myself. I just want out.
Nor where I am and what I am doing.
It's been this way for a while -- but the bottom has fallen out.
I shouldn't complain... I have alot of love around me.
I am just so out of touch with it all ---
and the things I know could cure me -- are so far away [distance]...
or things that will never again [probably] be in my life.
I've no motivation for life anymore.
Where I am, it's nice and comfortable, but not where I feel "right".
Those I surround myself with are good and loyal, but not the cure to the hole in my heart.
I know you're out there.
Somewhere out there.
Please find me.
I feel out of touch with God ... and that scares me the most.
So where do I go?
My family thinks I belong in a hospital...
My friends are upset because their efforts and company are fruitless .. they're "worried".
I'm hurting myself and everyone around me .. and I just cannot find it in myself to seek the help I "need".
I don't want to hurt anyone anymore ...
ultimately I want to lock myself away from everyone and everything and be forgotten.
Unrealistic.
My thoughts are fragmented .. my actions are misguided.
My intentions are blurry and without foundation.
I'm losing it.
I need Carrie.
I need Zack .. I need Casey .. I need my "family" that once was my soul reason for existance.
My heart is constantly aching for things I cannot even name ... my light is fading.
And I just watch. I spend half my days now sleeping away time .. only getting up for work or a class or two.
Somehow I manage to mask my devastated being for a few hours at a time -- but even that is a weak act that is starting to become steadily more obvious ... I don't know what to do -- I don't know how to save myself. I just want out.