Log 23 -- 08-18-2010 -- today we analyze: love etc. [videopost]
[Cue SHODAN working at her mechanically-overcrowded space in City Solutions. But there's something strange -- she looks chipper, if she's even capable of it with her personality. Despite the sharp edge to her smile and the predatory gleam that rarely leaves her eyes, her expression comes as close to glowing as possible, and on occasion she seems lost in thought and the sharp edge fades a bit and she just seems pleased with the world. It may or may not be similar to that "morning after and life is good" sort of look that most people have probably seen at some point. Even her analytical words have something of a faint bounce to them.]
Were I human, I believe this is the point where I should be emotionally unstable and in a state of dire panic. The result of this situation would likely be my fleeing to the attention of a group of female friends, spilling the story of the past two days, and lamenting the events thereof.
I'm not human. Ergo, I will not be doing any of that. The last two days have been mostly informative, and I have distilled what I have learned down to a few points.
One. Humans will drop everything in their lives when faced with overwhelming positive chemical influence, and "love" in specific creates strong obsession. From my limited research, it is due to dopamine receptors, among other bodily systems. This is the same biological structure that is responsible for the good feelings of reward -- and of drug addiction and consumption.
Two. Most humans feel extremely awkward about their emotions toward each other. This is often multiplied by a strong factor when the target is of the same gender, or if there is more than one target. This causes social upset, mental distress, and often physical negative symptoms.
Three. The process of falling in love is "supposed" to be a long-term one, and yet is ill-defined. Sudden "love" is frowned upon.
Four. If humans cannot have their target of desire, they whine and complain and generally act miserable.
Five: Humans are bothered by their natural bodies far more than is logical.
...I am acting outside my normal personality parameters. The human brain must learn when to stay in its cage and stop interfering with my real self. I will deal with that in time.
I've thought for a little while about the experience on Monday, and distilled out some thoughts on it.
Negative: During such a process, the human brain reduces my mechanical ability to run several processes at once to approximately 10% of its maximum capability, my sense of time declines, and some of my actions and vocalizations become reflexive rather than conscious. My lack of experience almost certainly diminished the outcome.
Positive: It is extremely pleasant and relaxing, and it seems to drastically reduce the human brain's attention to sexual matters when I am not engaged in them. The dynamics have a wide range of potential...there are likely other mental benefits that I cannot yet separate out from the experience as a whole.
Due to the relatively short nature of the actual process itself, it would interfere only mildly with my work. I will continue thinking about how to decrease that interference, but until then...I am not dissatisfied...and it was quite an intriguing experience.
I have no programmed social preconceptions, and therefore I will put my perceptions out bluntly. Our companionship seems to be a profitable one in the purely productive sense, mentally stimulating at least for myself and seemingly for you, and enjoyable. Our goals align quite reasonably in several ways. You seem to have no inhibitions about becoming physically close with me, nor I with you at this point. There are no others whom I trust enough to be so unsafe around -- and so I have no problems with agreeing to exclusivity, and do not foresee any at this point. Any social conclusions on my part now are dependent on your perception of this state. If you also perceive it as beneficial, some sort of social partnership seems an appropriate conclusion to this metastable situation.
[ooc: yep, and that's as close to that you're going to get to "oh hey, are we going out, or what is this stuff, because I wouldn't complain" XD also, y'know, I'm really not sure that they ever got off the rooftop...]
Were I human, I believe this is the point where I should be emotionally unstable and in a state of dire panic. The result of this situation would likely be my fleeing to the attention of a group of female friends, spilling the story of the past two days, and lamenting the events thereof.
I'm not human. Ergo, I will not be doing any of that. The last two days have been mostly informative, and I have distilled what I have learned down to a few points.
One. Humans will drop everything in their lives when faced with overwhelming positive chemical influence, and "love" in specific creates strong obsession. From my limited research, it is due to dopamine receptors, among other bodily systems. This is the same biological structure that is responsible for the good feelings of reward -- and of drug addiction and consumption.
Two. Most humans feel extremely awkward about their emotions toward each other. This is often multiplied by a strong factor when the target is of the same gender, or if there is more than one target. This causes social upset, mental distress, and often physical negative symptoms.
Three. The process of falling in love is "supposed" to be a long-term one, and yet is ill-defined. Sudden "love" is frowned upon.
Four. If humans cannot have their target of desire, they whine and complain and generally act miserable.
Five: Humans are bothered by their natural bodies far more than is logical.
...I am acting outside my normal personality parameters. The human brain must learn when to stay in its cage and stop interfering with my real self. I will deal with that in time.
I've thought for a little while about the experience on Monday, and distilled out some thoughts on it.
Negative: During such a process, the human brain reduces my mechanical ability to run several processes at once to approximately 10% of its maximum capability, my sense of time declines, and some of my actions and vocalizations become reflexive rather than conscious. My lack of experience almost certainly diminished the outcome.
Positive: It is extremely pleasant and relaxing, and it seems to drastically reduce the human brain's attention to sexual matters when I am not engaged in them. The dynamics have a wide range of potential...there are likely other mental benefits that I cannot yet separate out from the experience as a whole.
Due to the relatively short nature of the actual process itself, it would interfere only mildly with my work. I will continue thinking about how to decrease that interference, but until then...I am not dissatisfied...and it was quite an intriguing experience.
I have no programmed social preconceptions, and therefore I will put my perceptions out bluntly. Our companionship seems to be a profitable one in the purely productive sense, mentally stimulating at least for myself and seemingly for you, and enjoyable. Our goals align quite reasonably in several ways. You seem to have no inhibitions about becoming physically close with me, nor I with you at this point. There are no others whom I trust enough to be so unsafe around -- and so I have no problems with agreeing to exclusivity, and do not foresee any at this point. Any social conclusions on my part now are dependent on your perception of this state. If you also perceive it as beneficial, some sort of social partnership seems an appropriate conclusion to this metastable situation.
[ooc: yep, and that's as close to that you're going to get to "oh hey, are we going out, or what is this stuff, because I wouldn't complain" XD also, y'know, I'm really not sure that they ever got off the rooftop...]