BREAKING NEWS!

[floodingisfun]

The Rapture Tribune
March the Whateverth, Nineteen-Something | still only 99¢!

Beloved Figurehead Goes Down In Flames
By Stanley Poole

Atlas and Fontaine were killed today in a battle that will leave its scars on Rapture for years to come.

Many lives have been claimed in the great Anon-Rper Battle of 19??. But no loss was more tragic than that

Comments

[greatchainmyass]

SCREW FONTAINE'S 5th DEATH AND ATLAS'S!

ME AND SOFIA ARE GETTIN' MARRIED!

... No but really, they're gonna come back. I just know these things.

[floodingisfun]

Whoa, married?

You poor man Congratulations!

[greatchainmyass]

Hey, she's better than a frozen, dead body... Sorry Betty...

[floodingisfun]

/opens mouth to speak

...

/closes it again

Yanno what, you two are made for each other. /cheerful smile!

[greatchainmyass]

I can tell you're lyin' 'bout your good wishes soggy faced Fontaine.

But really, Fontaine will be back for sure.

[floodingisfun]

...Who're you callin' soggy-faced?

[urmothergoose]

MEIN GOTT! HUND, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

DID YOU PLAY WITH COLLEAGUE STEINMAN AGAIN?

[floodingisfun]

DON'T LOOK AT ME! D':

[covers face in both hands]

[urmothergoose]

[STRETCHES STAN'S EARS]

Dumbo! Where have you been?

[floodingisfun]

Doctor Tenenbaum, buddy, can ya... can ya do me a favour? Could ya pretend not ta know me? I'm supposed ta be incognito a little bit earlier than I'd intended.

[resolutely keeps hands over face, cringing]

[urmothergoose]

Now that I see this hideous ears, I for sure know that they are not ones of our beloved flying pet Dumbo full of flying Adam. It appears Colleague Steinman gave operation to that ugly creature who has unhealthy obsession with a cheap ring made of fake gold. What a mistake he make.

[kicks him and leaves]

You owe me, Hund.

[floodingisfun]

Yeah, he - Oof. Yeah he did.

I do. I owe ya. And, uh, the incognito thing is indefinite...

[urmothergoose]

Hund, what are you doing congratulating the air?

You of all people should know which rumors are true and which are not.

[floodingisfun]

I'm just hopin' that if these people are busy stalkin' and druggin' each other, Lamb won't have time ta do it to me.

[mmhsocommongood]

Stanley, Stanley, Stanley.

It must be hard for you, seeing me married and with child and married so soon, but there is no need for jealousy; I may no longer be able to hide under your bed, behind your wardrobe or in your fridge in a couple of months, but I will always, always make time for you.

[floodingisfun]

And I'll keep on makin' it difficult for ya.