Janus
A while back I wrote something about how people always take the time to commemorate the beginnings of things. I don't think it ever made it to this blog (or its previous incarnations), but the main thrust of the piece was how humans like to remember beginnings, and forget about endings if we can... for a variety of reasons, I think, but probably mostly in denial of the concept of mortality. We don't like to remember that things change, people move on, institutions crumble and are rebuilt in a new incarnation. I've never particularly understood that attitude - the idea that things are meaningless simply because they end. I've come across this idea so frequently it's almost depressing - I was once told that someone had wasted 2 years of their life in a relationship with me, because it didn't work out the way they had expected. I was flabbergasted... what do you say to something like that? How does a person who believes such a thing go through life without being constantly hurt and disappointed by the natural process of change?
Granted, that's a pretty extreme example, but I see it in smaller ways too, especially as a foreigner living in another country. It's not enough to be an outsider in an extremely insular society - you also must be transient, temporary, and therefore not worth building a relationship with, simply because you will not stick around. As someone who has lived my whole life around the reality that people leave, many times it's really difficult for me to deal with the idea that people don't want to even try to have a relationship with me for that reason alone, regardless of anything else.
At the end of the year, however, it's become a tradition to sit back and look at what you have accomplished, and what you want to do in the future. It's always harder for me to think of the things I have done rather than what I want to do, but when I look back at the year, I think I have done pretty well.
I've grown a lot as a teacher and a person, in part thanks to my students, and in part to my friends. I've learned more about myself and how I work and the things that make me unhappy about myself, and given myself ideas for how to go about fixing them - whether I can put them into practice remains to be seen. I've enjoyed being a teacher with primary responsibility for my students, instead of being the surrogate/babysitter that I felt like last year. I have tried to become more patient, and I feel like, at least in regards to my kids, I've managed a little bit. I've become better at not underestimating them, but I know that's still a work in progress too; I constantly have to remind myself not to judge people and it's the kids that keep me focused on that, because they so often surprise me.
As a knitter, I've grown a lot this year. Not that there's not a ton more things I still want to learn to do, but I've managed to do things that are frankly awesome. I finished 2 sweaters this year, and learned lots from them. I finished my Aeolian shawl, which is huge and beaded and gorgeous. I learned to cable without a needle and created my first pattern (still need to write that up, I think.). I got over my fear/annoyance of ripping back, since I realized that if I don't like it, I won't wear it, and it's better to have something I spent more time on and love, than something that I spent time on and was too lazy to make it really wearable. I've even made quite a few things for other people, which is pretty cool since I'm a self-identified Selfish Knitter.
So, what are the plans for 2011? Well, I set up a plan for myself to pay off as much of my student loans as possible, which means I will need to live frugally. I'm still cold-sheeping, because let's face it, I have more than enough yarn to keep me busy for the next year or so. I want to spend some more time thinking about my future career and how to get there, as well.
Financial Goals:
- Pay off my smallest loan (about $3.5k), and reduce my other loans ($8k and $10k) to around $5k each.
- Pay off my car ($4k).
- Be more mindful of my monthly budget.
- Save at least $1000.
Crafting Goals:
- Use at least 50 balls of yarn this year.
- Skills to learn: colorwork, toe-up socks, crochet
- Make a hat, something with colorwork, and that crochet shawl
- Make 3 sweaters.
- Edit and upload pictures from Korea to Flickr.
- Redesign this blog.
Educational / Personal Goals:
- Study for/ take the GRE.
- Take Korean classes.
- Decide on choices for grad school and begin applying.
- Practice Japanese (maybe find a program to attend in Japan?)
- Learn CSS / XML
I think that's enough for the year. I'll probably re-examine them throughout the year and see how I am progressing.