(no subject)
People disappear when they die. Their voice, their laughter, the
warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living
memory of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some
there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write
they continue to exist.
~ Diane Setterfield
When I read that it really made me think. I'd like nothing more at times to die and be forgotten. I want to be forgotten because I am all but useless.
I lost my job last week, barely avoided criminal charges for an offense I DID NOT commit. So I ended up paying Country Fair $150 in restitution. To whom, I don't know. I wasn't formally charged with anything. And I had to pay the $50 for the drive off I had ten days ago that started this entire mess. I believe it was all a set up. My dad said to not think about it and get over it. Put it all behind me. Easy to feel like I have WASTED the last four and a half years of my life with that company. I was fucking set up, making it worse. kjsfhsjdhdjgh. God damn. Which is really unfortunate because I had just got my transfer back to my cushy Millcreek store. I had my last paycheck hopefully rationed out enough to last me until I get a new job, bit since I had to pay that scum bag company off a whopping $200, I'm screwed. I can't afford my medicine. I won't have a car until probably the middle to end of February. I may just have to swallow my pride and apply at all the fast food chains down 26th street. Just to have some sort of income. I haven't been employed for six days now. This is the longest I've went without a job since that six week stint between West and Ponderosa when I was 16 years old. Maybe I'll even try West again. Couldn't get into ICT because I have no fucking GED. Can't go get said GED because I have to car. And I believe withdrawal is going to set in soon. I made ninety clonezepam last nearly thirty days. But coming off a three week oxy binge isn't going to be easy. And my morphine connect lost his hookup; which is no use to my broke ass anyhow. I need income.
I feel so defeated.
warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living
memory of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. Yet for some
there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write
they continue to exist.
~ Diane Setterfield
When I read that it really made me think. I'd like nothing more at times to die and be forgotten. I want to be forgotten because I am all but useless.
I lost my job last week, barely avoided criminal charges for an offense I DID NOT commit. So I ended up paying Country Fair $150 in restitution. To whom, I don't know. I wasn't formally charged with anything. And I had to pay the $50 for the drive off I had ten days ago that started this entire mess. I believe it was all a set up. My dad said to not think about it and get over it. Put it all behind me. Easy to feel like I have WASTED the last four and a half years of my life with that company. I was fucking set up, making it worse. kjsfhsjdhdjgh. God damn. Which is really unfortunate because I had just got my transfer back to my cushy Millcreek store. I had my last paycheck hopefully rationed out enough to last me until I get a new job, bit since I had to pay that scum bag company off a whopping $200, I'm screwed. I can't afford my medicine. I won't have a car until probably the middle to end of February. I may just have to swallow my pride and apply at all the fast food chains down 26th street. Just to have some sort of income. I haven't been employed for six days now. This is the longest I've went without a job since that six week stint between West and Ponderosa when I was 16 years old. Maybe I'll even try West again. Couldn't get into ICT because I have no fucking GED. Can't go get said GED because I have to car. And I believe withdrawal is going to set in soon. I made ninety clonezepam last nearly thirty days. But coming off a three week oxy binge isn't going to be easy. And my morphine connect lost his hookup; which is no use to my broke ass anyhow. I need income.
I feel so defeated.