Cinque / I'm awkward around kids like a fat kid is to tofu.
Yesterday I went to my co-worker's daughter's birthday BBQ.
Her daughter was turning four, and there were about 10 other kids with their parents there.
[Side note: If you aren't familiar with Oregon, the fashion for moms it to hold their chubby baby on one hip while using the one available arm to hold a cigerette while cussing at their 3 other kids to stop beating other kids' faces in. It is the trend to become a mother as soon as you possibly can after highschool.]
Kids, especially the weird ones, are drawn to me...Like my awardness is a magnetic force to their curiousity.
As I was sitting in the grass, minding my own buisness, soaking in the awkwardness of being around a circus of kids and stylish Oregon moms, this 10 year old runs up to me and asks if I want to play ball with her.
"I don't know how to play." I reply.
She's not satisfied. "Weellll all you haveta do is throw the ball back."
"Yea, I can't do that."
She throws the ball at me.
I awkwardly throw the ball up and smack it... and it slams another little girl right in the face. (Luckily, none of the parents noticed--probably because of the thick wall of smoke they created between them and their kids)
Forgivingly, the girl gives me the ball back and I aim it better towards the ten year old.
After a few hits back and forth, I screw up and hit the damn thing over the fence into the neighbor's yard.
It was devestating! These poor little girls' faces just sagged, and there I am trying to defend myself that I don't even know how to play and should have stopped after the ball-to-face-impact I had on that other little girl, that I couldn't stand the peer pressure to play, and and and it wasn't my fault! Dear God I hate being around kids. Why can't they leave me alone! I don't know how to play ball!!!!
I need to remember to never ever have kids.
Her daughter was turning four, and there were about 10 other kids with their parents there.
[Side note: If you aren't familiar with Oregon, the fashion for moms it to hold their chubby baby on one hip while using the one available arm to hold a cigerette while cussing at their 3 other kids to stop beating other kids' faces in. It is the trend to become a mother as soon as you possibly can after highschool.]
Kids, especially the weird ones, are drawn to me...Like my awardness is a magnetic force to their curiousity.
As I was sitting in the grass, minding my own buisness, soaking in the awkwardness of being around a circus of kids and stylish Oregon moms, this 10 year old runs up to me and asks if I want to play ball with her.
"I don't know how to play." I reply.
She's not satisfied. "Weellll all you haveta do is throw the ball back."
"Yea, I can't do that."
She throws the ball at me.
I awkwardly throw the ball up and smack it... and it slams another little girl right in the face. (Luckily, none of the parents noticed--probably because of the thick wall of smoke they created between them and their kids)
Forgivingly, the girl gives me the ball back and I aim it better towards the ten year old.
After a few hits back and forth, I screw up and hit the damn thing over the fence into the neighbor's yard.
It was devestating! These poor little girls' faces just sagged, and there I am trying to defend myself that I don't even know how to play and should have stopped after the ball-to-face-impact I had on that other little girl, that I couldn't stand the peer pressure to play, and and and it wasn't my fault! Dear God I hate being around kids. Why can't they leave me alone! I don't know how to play ball!!!!
I need to remember to never ever have kids.