whatever....
so life is going ok. well at least as good as it can. my best friend is pissed at me and really i dont blame her, i just wish i felt better about it. see i have a crush on this guy who is amasing except for the fact that he has a girlfriend. and oh it gets better. he kissed me.... and i liked it and feel completely shity and extatic at the same time. because on one side im like thank god someone who has a crush on me actually has a crush on me too... which is awesome.... but at the same i feel completley retched because he has a girlfriend and i should have stoped it but i didnt. yeah im horrible... thats what goes through my head every five seconds. and to make it worse i dont want it to stop cause you know i like him. so whenever i think about our first kiss which was amazing i feel like this horrible bitch.... which yes i am but i just want to be able to think about it and be happy. which right now hasnt been working so well.... but oh well... such is life. but other than that things are going really well! school and work. and i have tan lines now yes they are very minute and im still pasty white but there is some color. yay! but yeah,.... i dont know what to do, i mean i know what i should do i just wished i wanted to listen to myself... and dont get me wrong i do want to ya know be doing the right thing.... but im afraid it wont work the way i want it too.... which is a stupid reason. but im working on it