Maps
I dumped every guy I was dating a few months ago. I wanted genuine and this time around I'm getting it. I deserve for someone to treat me well and care about me as much as I do about them. I wasted so much time in trying to turn something fake into something real. I found that it wasn't worth it. Why wait for them to open their eyes to me when I can meet someone who already does? I want something real and special. It's nice meeting someone who wants that too.
I suppose I should summarize what has happened these past few months. Alot. My life is changed forever. It's not an entirely a bad thing. I think it has made me stronger and has definitely showed me who is really there for me. I got a job. Just until I start up school again. It's nice to be doing something but I won't be content with myself until I'm back on the right track headed to where I want to be. I'm meant to be more than this. I know this. People know this. Just need to make it happen. Anyways, I met someone a few months ago. I did what I do best. I fucked it up. He wanted me and I treated him like he wasn't special to me. I lost him and yet he won't let me go. He always talks about how intense it was and how he can't get me out of his head. But he's scared of me and there's nothing I can do about that. I didn't face my feelings for him until it was too late. It happens and that's a part of life. Maybe it was for the best. I do still care about him deeply and hope he finds what he's looking for. I just couldn't let him do what what he was doing to me. Yes, he might've been scared I might hurt him. But that was the exact same reason I ran away from him. I was scared of him too. I needed him to let go of me. It felt like he was stringing me along while he tried to figure out his feeling, his life, and deal with his trust issues towards me. While he was off doing that, I dated. While they got busy with life, I met the person whom I'm currently seeing.
I get butterflies when I go to see him. And the first hug... it's amazing. It's not a short one. It lingers... I haven't felt like this in a while. I'm open to him and I'm taking it seriously. I don't feel the need to distract myself with other guys. I'm not trying to stop myself from getting feelings. I'm not worried that he'll hurt me. For once, I'm not thinking about all that. Maybe I've just changed with my dating style and this is the result. Or maybe it's just instinct. I don't know. I don't have any expectations for this. We're still getting to know each other. But all I know is that we enjoy each others company. That's really all that matters at this point. If we enjoy each other's company on all levels, the rest will figure itself out. He got me flowers the last time I saw him. It surprised me. Nobody has given me just because flowers before. Every time I see them in my house I have to smile. It's nice to have a guaranteed smile in my day. I don't know what's going to happen with this guy. He excites me and makes me smile. I just want to explore things with him and see what happens. No need to get myself all worked up thinking about a future. I'm enjoying the present enough as is.
-Me
I suppose I should summarize what has happened these past few months. Alot. My life is changed forever. It's not an entirely a bad thing. I think it has made me stronger and has definitely showed me who is really there for me. I got a job. Just until I start up school again. It's nice to be doing something but I won't be content with myself until I'm back on the right track headed to where I want to be. I'm meant to be more than this. I know this. People know this. Just need to make it happen. Anyways, I met someone a few months ago. I did what I do best. I fucked it up. He wanted me and I treated him like he wasn't special to me. I lost him and yet he won't let me go. He always talks about how intense it was and how he can't get me out of his head. But he's scared of me and there's nothing I can do about that. I didn't face my feelings for him until it was too late. It happens and that's a part of life. Maybe it was for the best. I do still care about him deeply and hope he finds what he's looking for. I just couldn't let him do what what he was doing to me. Yes, he might've been scared I might hurt him. But that was the exact same reason I ran away from him. I was scared of him too. I needed him to let go of me. It felt like he was stringing me along while he tried to figure out his feeling, his life, and deal with his trust issues towards me. While he was off doing that, I dated. While they got busy with life, I met the person whom I'm currently seeing.
I get butterflies when I go to see him. And the first hug... it's amazing. It's not a short one. It lingers... I haven't felt like this in a while. I'm open to him and I'm taking it seriously. I don't feel the need to distract myself with other guys. I'm not trying to stop myself from getting feelings. I'm not worried that he'll hurt me. For once, I'm not thinking about all that. Maybe I've just changed with my dating style and this is the result. Or maybe it's just instinct. I don't know. I don't have any expectations for this. We're still getting to know each other. But all I know is that we enjoy each others company. That's really all that matters at this point. If we enjoy each other's company on all levels, the rest will figure itself out. He got me flowers the last time I saw him. It surprised me. Nobody has given me just because flowers before. Every time I see them in my house I have to smile. It's nice to have a guaranteed smile in my day. I don't know what's going to happen with this guy. He excites me and makes me smile. I just want to explore things with him and see what happens. No need to get myself all worked up thinking about a future. I'm enjoying the present enough as is.
-Me