Ficathon Entry: Kissed Who?
Title: Kissed Who?
by Musedepandora (see: Master List of Fanfics)
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to various persons and corporations that are not me or associated with me. This piece of fanfiction is written with the admiration and respect for the original work. I claim no ownership of Doctor Who's creations. No profit is made from this material, now or in the future.
Rating: PG, Gen
Word Count: 947
Characters/Pairings: River/Eleven, Rory/Amy
Summary: Rory accidentally tells River a spoiler.
Notes: This was written for the Hell in Heels ficathon over on thespoiler_song community. This is in response to bendingwind's prompt: "River/Eleven, "You totally snogged my mum.""I did not!""I'd be the diamond of Corinth that you did. Bet Dad would know!""River!"No need to use that exact dialogue, but something along that general line ;)" I went with the idea of "something along that general line". Hopefully this is still what you were looking for.
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Rory really hadn't meant to let it slip. In fact, he didn't even realize he had until it was much too late.
"The Doctor snogged my mum?" River asked, sounding delighted.
Rory froze and frantically reviewed the last thing that came out of his mouth. Did he really just tell River that? Yes. Yes, he did. Oh, Amy was going to kill him.
"Um," he replied. After a moment, he pulled the first thing he saw-a carton of eggs- out of the refrigerator, even though he knew he had meant to grab something else completely. "No," Rory laughed. "So. Venice. Amy had been kidnapped by-."
"No offense, dad," River said in that tone of voice that always made him squirm, "but you are pretty much the worst liar ever."
"Yeah . . ." There was really no use trying to lie to her. It'd be like challenging an Olympic gold medalist. "Pleasedon'ttellyourmother!"
"Of course, not!"
". . . Oh god, you're lying, aren't you?"
She only laughed. Even in the midst of his small panic attack, he could hear the sounds of Amy and the Doctor bickering as they returned to the house. His eyes pleaded with her to be merciful. Instead, River Song said two words that could never be good coming from her: "Watch this!" And then she slipped out of the kitchen into the living room beyond.
Rory followed with a sense of dread and the carton of eggs still in his hand.
"River, tell Amy I'm right!" the Doctor said, doing that thing with his hands like they're trying to run away from his body. River laughed and crossed the room to give him a poor-baby expression and a kiss on his cheek. The Doctor actually leaned into the gesture and preened a bit under the bit of favouritism.
It was like watching a car crash in slow-motion. Or one of those nature shows where the awkward, baby gazelle is too busy munching a piece of grass to notice the cheetah in the bushes.
"Sure thing, sweetie," River replied. "Right after you explain how you snogged my mother the night before her wedding."
Amy dropped her keys and they hit the floor with a CLANG! in the sudden silence.
Rory had never really noticed before how much the Doctor could imitate a gazelle. It was something about the cheekbones and the animal panic in his eyes.
"Wot?" both the Doctor and Amy asked.
"I know we're not exclusive. I've never resented your other women. And men. And plain other." As River began to let slip even more information than any parent really needed to know, the Doctor started glancing between Rory and Amy and then back to River with growing frenzy. "I mean, who could blame you? Oscar Wilde. Marilyn Monroe. Leonardo da Vinci. Empress Wu Zetian. Oh, you were right; she was a bad, bad girl!" The Doctor couldn't seem to help but grin at that memory. Until he saw the look on River's face and cleared his throat, adjusting his bow-tie. "But my own mother!"
Both the Doctor and Amy rushed to explain. At the same time.
"Nononono!" "No!" "It wasn't like that!" "I was very confused!" "One moment, we were talking!" "And young." "And then the next moment-!" "Really, really young." "Wham!" "Really confused." "There were her lips!" "Obviously, I mean-." "And her tongue!" "Wait." "Tongue!" "Wot?!" "I couldn't just spit it out!" "Are you saying I'm a bad kisser, Doctor?!" "Really, if anyone should be apologizing, it should be you, River. Your mother molested me."
The Doctor punctuated his pronouncement with a firm nod and tug at his coat lapels. Until he saw the look on Amy's face and then got a little squiggly around the eyes.
"I understand," River said in a quiet voice that brought everyone's attention back to her. Both Amy and the Doctor looked appropriately contrite and hung their heads like little boys caught pushing in the play-yard. "Just." River took a deep breath. Really, it sounded like she was two seconds from tears. Rory could feel his eyes getting a little misty just at the sound of it. For a few seconds, even he was fooled. Dear god, she was good. Scary good. "Just tell me it's over. Between both of you."
"Ohmygod!" Amy rushed to hug River and the Doctor could only make sounds as it seemed like he was trying to say three things at once.
Of course, that's when River started laughing.
For a second, Amy looked completely and utterly confused. Meanwhile, it only took a second for the Doctor to put it all together. He shook his head and pointed a finger at her with a mix of exasperation and humour.
"Your faces!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together once. "You're both too adorable! As if I'd care. Me. Honestly."
"Right," Amy muttered. "What were we thinking."
"I'd be more surprised if you hadn't really," River said with a shrug. "Considering how he gets around."
"What's that supposed to mean?" the Doctor demanded.
"Only that you're a bit of a flirt, dear."
"I am not!"
"Don't worry. So am I."
"I hadn't noticed."
"Ooh. Tetchy. Want to kiss and make up?"
"River."
"After all, my mother's right here."
"I need a drink," Amy announced but River and the Doctor hardly spared her a glance. Rory straightened in the doorway and tried to look innocent as she walked across the room toward him. In the end, all it took was one, pointed look.
"I'm sorry," he said. "It just. Sort of. Came out."
Amy nodded, kissed his cheek, and took the carton of eggs from his hand. "Did you tell her about the time you snogged him?"
"Of course not!"
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FIN
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by Musedepandora (see: Master List of Fanfics)
Disclaimer: Doctor Who belongs to various persons and corporations that are not me or associated with me. This piece of fanfiction is written with the admiration and respect for the original work. I claim no ownership of Doctor Who's creations. No profit is made from this material, now or in the future.
Rating: PG, Gen
Word Count: 947
Characters/Pairings: River/Eleven, Rory/Amy
Summary: Rory accidentally tells River a spoiler.
Notes: This was written for the Hell in Heels ficathon over on thespoiler_song community. This is in response to bendingwind's prompt: "River/Eleven, "You totally snogged my mum.""I did not!""I'd be the diamond of Corinth that you did. Bet Dad would know!""River!"No need to use that exact dialogue, but something along that general line ;)" I went with the idea of "something along that general line". Hopefully this is still what you were looking for.
__________________________________
Rory really hadn't meant to let it slip. In fact, he didn't even realize he had until it was much too late.
"The Doctor snogged my mum?" River asked, sounding delighted.
Rory froze and frantically reviewed the last thing that came out of his mouth. Did he really just tell River that? Yes. Yes, he did. Oh, Amy was going to kill him.
"Um," he replied. After a moment, he pulled the first thing he saw-a carton of eggs- out of the refrigerator, even though he knew he had meant to grab something else completely. "No," Rory laughed. "So. Venice. Amy had been kidnapped by-."
"No offense, dad," River said in that tone of voice that always made him squirm, "but you are pretty much the worst liar ever."
"Yeah . . ." There was really no use trying to lie to her. It'd be like challenging an Olympic gold medalist. "Pleasedon'ttellyourmother!"
"Of course, not!"
". . . Oh god, you're lying, aren't you?"
She only laughed. Even in the midst of his small panic attack, he could hear the sounds of Amy and the Doctor bickering as they returned to the house. His eyes pleaded with her to be merciful. Instead, River Song said two words that could never be good coming from her: "Watch this!" And then she slipped out of the kitchen into the living room beyond.
Rory followed with a sense of dread and the carton of eggs still in his hand.
"River, tell Amy I'm right!" the Doctor said, doing that thing with his hands like they're trying to run away from his body. River laughed and crossed the room to give him a poor-baby expression and a kiss on his cheek. The Doctor actually leaned into the gesture and preened a bit under the bit of favouritism.
It was like watching a car crash in slow-motion. Or one of those nature shows where the awkward, baby gazelle is too busy munching a piece of grass to notice the cheetah in the bushes.
"Sure thing, sweetie," River replied. "Right after you explain how you snogged my mother the night before her wedding."
Amy dropped her keys and they hit the floor with a CLANG! in the sudden silence.
Rory had never really noticed before how much the Doctor could imitate a gazelle. It was something about the cheekbones and the animal panic in his eyes.
"Wot?" both the Doctor and Amy asked.
"I know we're not exclusive. I've never resented your other women. And men. And plain other." As River began to let slip even more information than any parent really needed to know, the Doctor started glancing between Rory and Amy and then back to River with growing frenzy. "I mean, who could blame you? Oscar Wilde. Marilyn Monroe. Leonardo da Vinci. Empress Wu Zetian. Oh, you were right; she was a bad, bad girl!" The Doctor couldn't seem to help but grin at that memory. Until he saw the look on River's face and cleared his throat, adjusting his bow-tie. "But my own mother!"
Both the Doctor and Amy rushed to explain. At the same time.
"Nononono!" "No!" "It wasn't like that!" "I was very confused!" "One moment, we were talking!" "And young." "And then the next moment-!" "Really, really young." "Wham!" "Really confused." "There were her lips!" "Obviously, I mean-." "And her tongue!" "Wait." "Tongue!" "Wot?!" "I couldn't just spit it out!" "Are you saying I'm a bad kisser, Doctor?!" "Really, if anyone should be apologizing, it should be you, River. Your mother molested me."
The Doctor punctuated his pronouncement with a firm nod and tug at his coat lapels. Until he saw the look on Amy's face and then got a little squiggly around the eyes.
"I understand," River said in a quiet voice that brought everyone's attention back to her. Both Amy and the Doctor looked appropriately contrite and hung their heads like little boys caught pushing in the play-yard. "Just." River took a deep breath. Really, it sounded like she was two seconds from tears. Rory could feel his eyes getting a little misty just at the sound of it. For a few seconds, even he was fooled. Dear god, she was good. Scary good. "Just tell me it's over. Between both of you."
"Ohmygod!" Amy rushed to hug River and the Doctor could only make sounds as it seemed like he was trying to say three things at once.
Of course, that's when River started laughing.
For a second, Amy looked completely and utterly confused. Meanwhile, it only took a second for the Doctor to put it all together. He shook his head and pointed a finger at her with a mix of exasperation and humour.
"Your faces!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together once. "You're both too adorable! As if I'd care. Me. Honestly."
"Right," Amy muttered. "What were we thinking."
"I'd be more surprised if you hadn't really," River said with a shrug. "Considering how he gets around."
"What's that supposed to mean?" the Doctor demanded.
"Only that you're a bit of a flirt, dear."
"I am not!"
"Don't worry. So am I."
"I hadn't noticed."
"Ooh. Tetchy. Want to kiss and make up?"
"River."
"After all, my mother's right here."
"I need a drink," Amy announced but River and the Doctor hardly spared her a glance. Rory straightened in the doorway and tried to look innocent as she walked across the room toward him. In the end, all it took was one, pointed look.
"I'm sorry," he said. "It just. Sort of. Came out."
Amy nodded, kissed his cheek, and took the carton of eggs from his hand. "Did you tell her about the time you snogged him?"
"Of course not!"
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FIN
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