inspiration... from east lansing.
so. its sunday night. you know the feeling.
its like the weekend comes to a crashing halt. those late friday night highs and those saturday afternoon lows just converge into this instant... of a crash. but for me, this crash lasts from church at 8 pm and onwards. i always sit there, in the middle of dahlgren chapel, and i stare at the same stained glass windows that i find so mesmorising. i walk out the doors, slowly through the courtyard that never stops to take my breath away, with the gorgeous trees and heavenly lights, and just dread the walk back to village c west as i get my card ready to swipe at the door. and yet, as im dauntingly dragging myself back to work, something always occupies my mind.
tonight, when i was walking back from church, i took fifteen seconds to look up at the sky... at that deep, gripping sky that i used to love watching so much. i havent looked up in three months.
and when i limped down the stairs to the creaky door, across the bustling halway, i came to sit down. i moved the cursor of my computer, and the screen saver suddenly flashes to my aim. instantly... within five minutes of each other, three instant messages pop up.
steve. sammy. ron.
it felt like a wednesday night in highschool. when i would come back from school, park my escape in the driveway, still in my khaki skirt and white blouse... still in my brown school shoes. then sitting at my computer, not working, but rather staring at that screen until all hours of the night... until my hands hurt from typing... and until my body became sore from not moving. it was talking to steve about random stuff that makes me laugh, talking to sammy about the gang that makes me realize how each one of us is so different yet we fit so perfectly together, and talking to ron about honestly everything that makes me miss him more by the word.
thats what it was in highschool... and thats what it was tonight.
why.
i'm supposed to be growing up. i'm supposed to be moving on. i'm supposed to leave them as "those kids you knew in highschool" and make room for "those kids in college that become your life long friends"
why cant i do that. i think i loved what i had too much. and im afraid to let it go for something new, and probably not nearly as perfect, to take its place.
maybe i dont have to let go. or better yet, i'm not going to. because i just... can't.
i am honestly too excited to go back in thirteen days and see everyone. its that emotion that gets me. its like homesickness. its listening to that song, those lyrics, that melody, that strikes a pang in your heart that never really goes away. when that music hits your ears, you instantly feel these emotions that only that song can bring about. it can remind you of something as vague as a day in october, or something as real as driving on new years all across town, up and down telegraph road fifteen times, because your mind is so messed up you cant imagine it, and you just call the only person who you know you can talk to for an hour and half... and they'll really listen.
its that. i dont know how else to describe that emotion except to say that its what im feeling right now. its sad. its powerful. its nostalgic. its compelling. its amazing.
its midnight and then some.
its like the weekend comes to a crashing halt. those late friday night highs and those saturday afternoon lows just converge into this instant... of a crash. but for me, this crash lasts from church at 8 pm and onwards. i always sit there, in the middle of dahlgren chapel, and i stare at the same stained glass windows that i find so mesmorising. i walk out the doors, slowly through the courtyard that never stops to take my breath away, with the gorgeous trees and heavenly lights, and just dread the walk back to village c west as i get my card ready to swipe at the door. and yet, as im dauntingly dragging myself back to work, something always occupies my mind.
tonight, when i was walking back from church, i took fifteen seconds to look up at the sky... at that deep, gripping sky that i used to love watching so much. i havent looked up in three months.
and when i limped down the stairs to the creaky door, across the bustling halway, i came to sit down. i moved the cursor of my computer, and the screen saver suddenly flashes to my aim. instantly... within five minutes of each other, three instant messages pop up.
steve. sammy. ron.
it felt like a wednesday night in highschool. when i would come back from school, park my escape in the driveway, still in my khaki skirt and white blouse... still in my brown school shoes. then sitting at my computer, not working, but rather staring at that screen until all hours of the night... until my hands hurt from typing... and until my body became sore from not moving. it was talking to steve about random stuff that makes me laugh, talking to sammy about the gang that makes me realize how each one of us is so different yet we fit so perfectly together, and talking to ron about honestly everything that makes me miss him more by the word.
thats what it was in highschool... and thats what it was tonight.
why.
i'm supposed to be growing up. i'm supposed to be moving on. i'm supposed to leave them as "those kids you knew in highschool" and make room for "those kids in college that become your life long friends"
why cant i do that. i think i loved what i had too much. and im afraid to let it go for something new, and probably not nearly as perfect, to take its place.
maybe i dont have to let go. or better yet, i'm not going to. because i just... can't.
i am honestly too excited to go back in thirteen days and see everyone. its that emotion that gets me. its like homesickness. its listening to that song, those lyrics, that melody, that strikes a pang in your heart that never really goes away. when that music hits your ears, you instantly feel these emotions that only that song can bring about. it can remind you of something as vague as a day in october, or something as real as driving on new years all across town, up and down telegraph road fifteen times, because your mind is so messed up you cant imagine it, and you just call the only person who you know you can talk to for an hour and half... and they'll really listen.
its that. i dont know how else to describe that emotion except to say that its what im feeling right now. its sad. its powerful. its nostalgic. its compelling. its amazing.
its midnight and then some.