(no subject)
i have been blessed, at least for a while, in so much as i have not had any of those "okay, calm down and breathe, things could be worse...just calm down" moments in a while. but what do you do when ignoring or shrugging off bad news that levels from trivial to serious no longer cuts it.
it's not a frustration or stress induced by school/exams and STUFF. it's one of those things when it seems like you can't get a break and nobody around you seems able to sense that you have bad luck or are feeling shitty and compounds all of your shittiness inadvertantly. and you dont want to tell this innocent bystander that "now is not the time" so you sit by and benignly hope that you staying calm will make everything okay.
and trust me, i feel like a real bitch complaining.
whats worse, i cant decide whether i can sit by calmly and wait for the future because i'm not sure about anything and any change could be good OR just as easily bad.
i got this new book out of the library, and the main character in the book seemed to embody every bad trait that i could find of myself. it was eerie because i could see his thinking in doing everything that he did. could it be significant?!?!
but no, how selfish could i be to think that this book is talking to ME.
i want to do so many conflicting things at once, and that can drive anyone crazy.
i forgot to call my sister on her birthday. i was reminded two days later. i still havnet succesfully gotten in touch with her. birthdays arent too important to me anymore, but i have to realize that they are important to many others.
i have been so busy that a 40 min nap is my crutch for staying up. and while i know that i am a sleep weenie compared to some of you insomniacs, this is a big deal for me.
despite my body telling me not to, i went to all four of my last classes today. now all that is left is a paper and three exams.
one other thing i realized. if i want to get away from everything unpleasant in my life, i dont have anyone at williams to whom i could flee...or at least i dont think i do. i dont know what to do
it's not a frustration or stress induced by school/exams and STUFF. it's one of those things when it seems like you can't get a break and nobody around you seems able to sense that you have bad luck or are feeling shitty and compounds all of your shittiness inadvertantly. and you dont want to tell this innocent bystander that "now is not the time" so you sit by and benignly hope that you staying calm will make everything okay.
and trust me, i feel like a real bitch complaining.
whats worse, i cant decide whether i can sit by calmly and wait for the future because i'm not sure about anything and any change could be good OR just as easily bad.
i got this new book out of the library, and the main character in the book seemed to embody every bad trait that i could find of myself. it was eerie because i could see his thinking in doing everything that he did. could it be significant?!?!
but no, how selfish could i be to think that this book is talking to ME.
i want to do so many conflicting things at once, and that can drive anyone crazy.
i forgot to call my sister on her birthday. i was reminded two days later. i still havnet succesfully gotten in touch with her. birthdays arent too important to me anymore, but i have to realize that they are important to many others.
i have been so busy that a 40 min nap is my crutch for staying up. and while i know that i am a sleep weenie compared to some of you insomniacs, this is a big deal for me.
despite my body telling me not to, i went to all four of my last classes today. now all that is left is a paper and three exams.
one other thing i realized. if i want to get away from everything unpleasant in my life, i dont have anyone at williams to whom i could flee...or at least i dont think i do. i dont know what to do