Thinking about stuff
It's so hard for me to write a blog these days because there is this constant commentary in the back of my head telling me "What will people think?" and "Do you really want to put that out there?"
The truth is, yes, I really do want to put that out there; but I also know that there are people I don't want to connect me with what I write, so I have to be careful. I hate having to self-edit, but that is life on the World Wide Web, I suppose. I can't put anything up there associated with my "real" self that I don't fully expect everyone to see.
Sometimes I miss the days when not everyone was online :p
Anyhow, I've been packing and Oh MY GAWD it is emotionally draining! There's a constant dialogue going on in my head as I go through things "Ohh I like this!" "You should really get rid of it" "I can't throw it out, it's brand new!" "Donate it" "But I could make money if I sold it!" "That's one more thing you have to haul." "But I really like this!" "You didn't even remember you had it till just now!" "What are you even going to use that for!"
Eventually it ends up with my inner critic implying that I am too much of a packrat and that I want too much, and I can't say it is wrong even though I feel like I should probably give myself credit for the effort I do put in. And it's not like I can't get rid of the stuff I don't like (I do feel pangs when I get rid of something that's nearly new, but if I don't feel an attachment I'm OK with that)- but... Well here's an example. Years ago, possibly when I was living in Montana- I honestly don't remember- I bought this little thing of mints purely because it came in this adorable little silver box with a pink and white rhinestone decoration on the top. It's really cute, and really sparkly, and totally my thing. But.. Well, I don't have the faintest clue what I'm ever going to use it for. But I don't want to get rid of it because I truly like the damned thing. So.. well, that's pretty typical.
I got my uHaul reservation all squared away, and I got Dad's train ticket purchased, and I'm approved for a credit card that should be arriving any time now that I will be using for emergencies, and really.. well, things are kind of coming together.
It's still exhausting having to answer to my aunt every day because I took too long of a nap, or a nap at all, or not enough packing got done for her liking, or whatever. I'm trying to stay above it, but it definitely is difficult. Ah, well.
On the bright side, I do have a spreadsheet all done up to keep track of what is in each box and where each box will be going once I get to Montana. On the DOWN side, my aunt was really not so awesome with her record-keeping of the stuff that she packed for me, so I'm having to look through some of those boxes as I go. Ah well.
The truth is, yes, I really do want to put that out there; but I also know that there are people I don't want to connect me with what I write, so I have to be careful. I hate having to self-edit, but that is life on the World Wide Web, I suppose. I can't put anything up there associated with my "real" self that I don't fully expect everyone to see.
Sometimes I miss the days when not everyone was online :p
Anyhow, I've been packing and Oh MY GAWD it is emotionally draining! There's a constant dialogue going on in my head as I go through things "Ohh I like this!" "You should really get rid of it" "I can't throw it out, it's brand new!" "Donate it" "But I could make money if I sold it!" "That's one more thing you have to haul." "But I really like this!" "You didn't even remember you had it till just now!" "What are you even going to use that for!"
Eventually it ends up with my inner critic implying that I am too much of a packrat and that I want too much, and I can't say it is wrong even though I feel like I should probably give myself credit for the effort I do put in. And it's not like I can't get rid of the stuff I don't like (I do feel pangs when I get rid of something that's nearly new, but if I don't feel an attachment I'm OK with that)- but... Well here's an example. Years ago, possibly when I was living in Montana- I honestly don't remember- I bought this little thing of mints purely because it came in this adorable little silver box with a pink and white rhinestone decoration on the top. It's really cute, and really sparkly, and totally my thing. But.. Well, I don't have the faintest clue what I'm ever going to use it for. But I don't want to get rid of it because I truly like the damned thing. So.. well, that's pretty typical.
I got my uHaul reservation all squared away, and I got Dad's train ticket purchased, and I'm approved for a credit card that should be arriving any time now that I will be using for emergencies, and really.. well, things are kind of coming together.
It's still exhausting having to answer to my aunt every day because I took too long of a nap, or a nap at all, or not enough packing got done for her liking, or whatever. I'm trying to stay above it, but it definitely is difficult. Ah, well.
On the bright side, I do have a spreadsheet all done up to keep track of what is in each box and where each box will be going once I get to Montana. On the DOWN side, my aunt was really not so awesome with her record-keeping of the stuff that she packed for me, so I'm having to look through some of those boxes as I go. Ah well.