(no subject)
The rundown-
Woke up at 1:30 - that's right, PM. Jennelle and Christie called, made plans. I cleaned the house a bit, showered, all that good stuff. Jenn and Christie get here, we chat, then head out to riverside park. First sit near a soccer field, almost get killed by runaway balls. Then, go to the Hudson Cafe, watch this fucking hot guy play old blues songs.*** Play in the sand, get sand in our pants. Walk home, bitching 'bout the sand in our pants, chit chat for a whiles longer. Then they split, and I come back home- make my mom dinner and get ready for bed.
Then, I get a call. It's Ethan. No, not the one I babysit. He was calling just to check up on me- but lo-and-behold- we ended up on the phone for 2 hrs. He said that he read my last entry- even though the fucker doesn't update his xanga- and was "worried." I told him about how I flipped out the other day, and how I've been half gone for the past few weeks- like how it always was when I was younger, before I started doing Yayos , drinking and smoking Ls everyday- and was thinking that it maybe drugging was keeping me sane. He suggested that I start smoking again, but lay everything else to rest- and it sounds like a plan. We talked about all that icky gushy stuff like how me miss each other, what he's been up to, how his families been (his sister's getting married), and yeah. Of course, however, as all of our convos seem to go, there was the drama. He started talking about when we met, and we went on to the rest of the year. And fuck, man. Alot of shit happened. It's weird, like, looking back everything seems so spread out and seperated but when you just talk about it all it seems like Bing Bang Boom. One thing after another. David, Mike, Jonathon. People I started out with, that didn't make it through. My mom getting cancer again- which, thank God was caught almost immediatley. And just all the little things that happened in between. Alot of which was mostly just the fucked up things in my head. And I don't know, but like looking back on just the past year, and the ones before, seeing all the shit I went through really just makes me think that I can get through anything and still be ok.
And, on the matter of being ok- I might be able to start college next year. A year early. I have an interview for Barde a couple of weeks from now. I would be beyond thrilled if I could go. Even though I love the school I'm at now- I still lack a peer group. It's always been like that. I love the teachers I have now, they're some of the most amazing people I've ever met; but I think it's a little bit fucked up that the people I relate to the most are in their 40s and 50s. And I think that at Barde I'll finally be able to find other students with common interests.
I would love it so much to be able to discuss politics, art history, philosophy, and literature with someone else my age. I've never had that. Yes, I've had little glimpses of discussions with friends- but never a real passionate conversation like the ones I have with my teachers, my mother, and her colliegues. Fuck me, if I get accepted I'll be the happiest person alive.
Wow that's a weird paragraph.
Anywho's, beggining Thanksgiving Day the movement TUESDAYS FOR PEACE will begin. If you believe in nonviolence, wear a green t-shirt every tuesday to demonstrate your opinion. The point of the movement is to project the beliefs of people who want the killing to stop- whether in war, or in the streets. The main focus, however, will be to bring the war in Iraq to an end. Closer to Thanksgiving I will be sending e-mails, letters, and distributing literature. If you are interested in helping out with outreach please drop and prop with your E-mail address and I'll forward you any important updates.
***(Damn straight I have footnotes!!)
Jennellybean- ::Massive effen hug:: I know you, and I know that you'll get through this. You have a good strong family and you'll be able to work anything out. Do you want me to help Ki-kay look into transferring? I'm sure, though, that no matter what you do everything will work itself out. I love you!
Woke up at 1:30 - that's right, PM. Jennelle and Christie called, made plans. I cleaned the house a bit, showered, all that good stuff. Jenn and Christie get here, we chat, then head out to riverside park. First sit near a soccer field, almost get killed by runaway balls. Then, go to the Hudson Cafe, watch this fucking hot guy play old blues songs.*** Play in the sand, get sand in our pants. Walk home, bitching 'bout the sand in our pants, chit chat for a whiles longer. Then they split, and I come back home- make my mom dinner and get ready for bed.
Then, I get a call. It's Ethan. No, not the one I babysit. He was calling just to check up on me- but lo-and-behold- we ended up on the phone for 2 hrs. He said that he read my last entry- even though the fucker doesn't update his xanga- and was "worried." I told him about how I flipped out the other day, and how I've been half gone for the past few weeks- like how it always was when I was younger, before I started doing Yayos , drinking and smoking Ls everyday- and was thinking that it maybe drugging was keeping me sane. He suggested that I start smoking again, but lay everything else to rest- and it sounds like a plan. We talked about all that icky gushy stuff like how me miss each other, what he's been up to, how his families been (his sister's getting married), and yeah. Of course, however, as all of our convos seem to go, there was the drama. He started talking about when we met, and we went on to the rest of the year. And fuck, man. Alot of shit happened. It's weird, like, looking back everything seems so spread out and seperated but when you just talk about it all it seems like Bing Bang Boom. One thing after another. David, Mike, Jonathon. People I started out with, that didn't make it through. My mom getting cancer again- which, thank God was caught almost immediatley. And just all the little things that happened in between. Alot of which was mostly just the fucked up things in my head. And I don't know, but like looking back on just the past year, and the ones before, seeing all the shit I went through really just makes me think that I can get through anything and still be ok.
And, on the matter of being ok- I might be able to start college next year. A year early. I have an interview for Barde a couple of weeks from now. I would be beyond thrilled if I could go. Even though I love the school I'm at now- I still lack a peer group. It's always been like that. I love the teachers I have now, they're some of the most amazing people I've ever met; but I think it's a little bit fucked up that the people I relate to the most are in their 40s and 50s. And I think that at Barde I'll finally be able to find other students with common interests.
I would love it so much to be able to discuss politics, art history, philosophy, and literature with someone else my age. I've never had that. Yes, I've had little glimpses of discussions with friends- but never a real passionate conversation like the ones I have with my teachers, my mother, and her colliegues. Fuck me, if I get accepted I'll be the happiest person alive.
Wow that's a weird paragraph.
Anywho's, beggining Thanksgiving Day the movement TUESDAYS FOR PEACE will begin. If you believe in nonviolence, wear a green t-shirt every tuesday to demonstrate your opinion. The point of the movement is to project the beliefs of people who want the killing to stop- whether in war, or in the streets. The main focus, however, will be to bring the war in Iraq to an end. Closer to Thanksgiving I will be sending e-mails, letters, and distributing literature. If you are interested in helping out with outreach please drop and prop with your E-mail address and I'll forward you any important updates.
***(Damn straight I have footnotes!!)
Jennellybean- ::Massive effen hug:: I know you, and I know that you'll get through this. You have a good strong family and you'll be able to work anything out. Do you want me to help Ki-kay look into transferring? I'm sure, though, that no matter what you do everything will work itself out. I love you!