(no subject)
Fish are assholes.
I went fishing for three hours Friday, and from 8-4 Saturday and 9-4 yesterday. I pulled a muscle, walked three miles, dragged a 15-pound cooler around the lake. I listened to stories about giant fish caught, and huge numbers of fish caught. I listened attentively to how to catch a fish. I was a very good student.
...
I caught about a dozen trees, weeds and rocks. And I even waded out into the lake in jeans to cast out, trying to coax just ONE FISH onto my hook. Not a SINGLE fish deigned to let me catch them. I was out in water up to my hips, pleading. "Come on, fishy. I just want to say I caught ONE. I'll let you go. Even if you're a great big bass or catfish. I'll take your picture and then let you go, I swear. I PROMISE. Come here, fishy. Heeere, fishy, fishy, fish. C'meeere, fishy. FISHYFISHYFISHY!"
I had exactly seven bites the whole time. People ALL AROUND ME, sometimes even using the SAME DAMN TYPE OF BAIT, were catching fish. But me? NO FUCKING FISH. And I gave up on thoughts of EATING the little fuckers by like, Sunday evening. I just wanted to CATCH one and coo over it and tell it how pretty it was and then let it go back on its fishy little way. But all the people who were like "HEEERE, DINNER DINNER DINNER!"? THEY CAUGHT ONE. Some of them caught basszillas!
Fish are stupid.
Fish are ASSHOLES.
I went fishing for three hours Friday, and from 8-4 Saturday and 9-4 yesterday. I pulled a muscle, walked three miles, dragged a 15-pound cooler around the lake. I listened to stories about giant fish caught, and huge numbers of fish caught. I listened attentively to how to catch a fish. I was a very good student.
...
I caught about a dozen trees, weeds and rocks. And I even waded out into the lake in jeans to cast out, trying to coax just ONE FISH onto my hook. Not a SINGLE fish deigned to let me catch them. I was out in water up to my hips, pleading. "Come on, fishy. I just want to say I caught ONE. I'll let you go. Even if you're a great big bass or catfish. I'll take your picture and then let you go, I swear. I PROMISE. Come here, fishy. Heeere, fishy, fishy, fish. C'meeere, fishy. FISHYFISHYFISHY!"
I had exactly seven bites the whole time. People ALL AROUND ME, sometimes even using the SAME DAMN TYPE OF BAIT, were catching fish. But me? NO FUCKING FISH. And I gave up on thoughts of EATING the little fuckers by like, Sunday evening. I just wanted to CATCH one and coo over it and tell it how pretty it was and then let it go back on its fishy little way. But all the people who were like "HEEERE, DINNER DINNER DINNER!"? THEY CAUGHT ONE. Some of them caught basszillas!
Fish are stupid.
Fish are ASSHOLES.