"next time, lets pretend we didn't see each other"
2/21/05
Sometimes what I hope for more than anything else is for people to be honest with me no matter what the consequence or the pain it causes.
I don't feel I have any friends anymore despite certain select people, two females spring to mind, Nat and Lauren. Lauren is my best friend and I hope to be with her always; Nat the same but in a more platonic removed sense. I can be 100% honest with those two without ever worrying - this feeling I hope for all people
Brett is, well, Brett and I think our energies will wax and wan like the moon - forever. It does not pain me to not hear from Brett for weeks or months on end because I know we can pick up where we left off without missing a beat. Brennan is a good friend and we’ve always been close; he's the the exception to the rule. Also those acquaintances I keep with certain people like Starky and Mouse.
It’s everyone else I guess... all these people I thought I was developing deep relationships with that never talk to me, call me, write me, ask about my life, or other. Even when I take the time to extend something to them it is met with little to no enthusiasm or so it seems. I have this constant feeling as though they are speaking of me with ill will when I'm not in the room; I even get that feeling at work but there I've found the proof to support it. My intuition has never been wrong, exaggerated at times, but never wrong. If this is the case as of current, then I am surrounded by a sea of phonies unable to deliver me the truth of their emotions.
It’s bothersome in the sense that I'm wasting my time - the only commodity in life. Stop wasting our time, stop pretending to like me or be my friend, I know all you do when I’m not around is talk shit, just stop faking the funk. If you don’t like me, leave me alone, and we can both stop wasting each others time.
Oh, and to all of you that think either of us (Lauren and I) lied to any of you about our relationship you can go fuck off. I’m sick and tired of defending myself for things YOU think we did - wankers.
Speaking of… I can pin point the breakdown in additional relationships to NYE, the day that Lauren and I started dating (despite popular opinion). Ever since then I feel that I’ve been ousted by people. Even my relationship with Co was strained and he wouldn’t even be honest with me or listen to what we had to say the time it came up in conversation, the day before his birthday.
So, to the few people who read this, please speed the words to everyone else in this co-dependent dysfunctional group. If you don’t like me, bugger off and stop faking the funk at the parties! If you do, show it, be a friend, be honest and tell me all the shit you’re saying behind my back.
Cheers
~d
ps:
After I posted this I realized the tone could be interrepted a little sharp by those who may not be mentioned...
The intent is more directed at those people in my life who I have known and outstanding differences with, those people who have refused to reconcile those differences, and those people who perpetuate the differences. Anyone who has made effort to reconcile said differences is devoid of the above and should concider themselves such. The fact is that there are only few who embody the above characteristics and are thus categorized beneath them.
NOTE: I realize that categorization may not be the best action for a balanced agenda in life, but certainly expedites the process of value definition within your own.
For those of my close friend who may not be directly mentioned in the above... I hope that you, hence forth, return to me the honesty I give to you and the honesty that I ask, and often times beg, of others. I hope that while we may not see one another on a weekly or monthy basis that you do not harbor ill will against me and would strive for open channels of communication before stiffling any relationships. Finally I hope that you will make efforts to interact with me and my partner in the future in efforts to build the strength of our bonds.
Sometimes what I hope for more than anything else is for people to be honest with me no matter what the consequence or the pain it causes.
I don't feel I have any friends anymore despite certain select people, two females spring to mind, Nat and Lauren. Lauren is my best friend and I hope to be with her always; Nat the same but in a more platonic removed sense. I can be 100% honest with those two without ever worrying - this feeling I hope for all people
Brett is, well, Brett and I think our energies will wax and wan like the moon - forever. It does not pain me to not hear from Brett for weeks or months on end because I know we can pick up where we left off without missing a beat. Brennan is a good friend and we’ve always been close; he's the the exception to the rule. Also those acquaintances I keep with certain people like Starky and Mouse.
It’s everyone else I guess... all these people I thought I was developing deep relationships with that never talk to me, call me, write me, ask about my life, or other. Even when I take the time to extend something to them it is met with little to no enthusiasm or so it seems. I have this constant feeling as though they are speaking of me with ill will when I'm not in the room; I even get that feeling at work but there I've found the proof to support it. My intuition has never been wrong, exaggerated at times, but never wrong. If this is the case as of current, then I am surrounded by a sea of phonies unable to deliver me the truth of their emotions.
It’s bothersome in the sense that I'm wasting my time - the only commodity in life. Stop wasting our time, stop pretending to like me or be my friend, I know all you do when I’m not around is talk shit, just stop faking the funk. If you don’t like me, leave me alone, and we can both stop wasting each others time.
Oh, and to all of you that think either of us (Lauren and I) lied to any of you about our relationship you can go fuck off. I’m sick and tired of defending myself for things YOU think we did - wankers.
Speaking of… I can pin point the breakdown in additional relationships to NYE, the day that Lauren and I started dating (despite popular opinion). Ever since then I feel that I’ve been ousted by people. Even my relationship with Co was strained and he wouldn’t even be honest with me or listen to what we had to say the time it came up in conversation, the day before his birthday.
So, to the few people who read this, please speed the words to everyone else in this co-dependent dysfunctional group. If you don’t like me, bugger off and stop faking the funk at the parties! If you do, show it, be a friend, be honest and tell me all the shit you’re saying behind my back.
Cheers
~d
ps:
After I posted this I realized the tone could be interrepted a little sharp by those who may not be mentioned...
The intent is more directed at those people in my life who I have known and outstanding differences with, those people who have refused to reconcile those differences, and those people who perpetuate the differences. Anyone who has made effort to reconcile said differences is devoid of the above and should concider themselves such. The fact is that there are only few who embody the above characteristics and are thus categorized beneath them.
NOTE: I realize that categorization may not be the best action for a balanced agenda in life, but certainly expedites the process of value definition within your own.
For those of my close friend who may not be directly mentioned in the above... I hope that you, hence forth, return to me the honesty I give to you and the honesty that I ask, and often times beg, of others. I hope that while we may not see one another on a weekly or monthy basis that you do not harbor ill will against me and would strive for open channels of communication before stiffling any relationships. Finally I hope that you will make efforts to interact with me and my partner in the future in efforts to build the strength of our bonds.