it's better to have lost love then, paint a smile and pretend..
so when we are discussing the pros and cons of the 12 month school year, really i'm going over the pros and cons of our relationship. and the hand that points me in the right direction, the hand that comforts me when i'm down..belongs to a voice inside my head that tells me what to do. and even if i don't listen..in the end..that voice always seems to be right. and if this is so right..then why does it feel so wrong? you called me and i remember you saying "you would think after crying so long..that you'd eventually run out of tears. but you don't..they just keep coming." and i was in the same state of mind last night. we always seem to be in the same state of mind. and it sucks sometimes, because when we both need support..neither of us are in the situation where we can supply it. so we cry together, yelling and mumbling about how life isn't fair. how nothing seems to go right. but how lucky we are that we have eachother. and usually i hug the bear you gave me and i can smell you and picture you next to me but last night..your scent was gone and when i turned to my side..pillows took up the space where you usually layed. and i thought i'd feel better in the morning..but things are worse. i hate going to school knowing that i can't concentrate because all i'll think about is you. and if this is right or not. i know i can't give you what you need and i know you want from me what i don't have and it takes so much out of both of us. and it's not fair to get so wrapped up in you when you have to leave because i'll be here..and you'll be there..and it's not fair. it's so not fair. and i wish that i could just drive around all day and let out my anger by being crazy and making a fool out of myself because i can act like everything is okay..and sometimes..i actually fool myself.