Please don't make me cry
Title: Please don't make me cry
Prompt: #095, Drowning
Pairing: Henry/Siwon (One-sided), Henry/Kyuhyun (One sided), Kyuhyun/Sungmin
Rating: PG-13 (Angst, attempted suicide)
Inspired by: No way - Lady Gaga
Type: Long oneshot
Summary: It hurts so much, when you see the person that you love having sex with another person on your own bed. It hurts so much, so much until you would want to die.
-
Cause baby, now that you're caught,
What am I supposed to say?
What's so wrong that what you did,
But I still feel this way.
- No way, Lady Gaga
Henry hesitated. The lift doors opened, and it took him a while before Henry took a step out of the lift. The door to his house was left ajar, as usual. There wasn’t a need for Henry to take out his keys to open the lock every time.
Pushing open the door, Henry tucked his feet out of his shoes.
Again, his shoes were placed untidily. Along with someone else’s shoes. A stranger’s shoes. A deep, shuddering breathe escaped Henry’s lips, as he placed his shoe on the rack.
Stepping into the house shakily, Henry padded across the polished surface of the floor. This was his house; why was he acting as though he was the intruder instead? Henry didn’t really know.
There was a sudden bump, and Henry could hear noises. Who did he bring along again? Henry felt his heart breaking as he climbed the stairs.
“Ohh… More!”
“Mm…You’re so sexy…”
There wasn’t any soul in his room; it was left open and wide. But instead, Henry’s door was left ajar, and most of the noises seemed to be coming from that room. It couldn’t be… Henry’s eyes widened.
“Aahnn… Uhhh!”
“I’m coming… Ugh!”
The door was pushed open, just as the couple had finished with their private act within each other’s body. Henry had seen it, all. And they were on his bed, lying on his blanket, clawing at his pillow, and staining his sheets.
Anger flooded his whole body, like a sudden dam broken. “Are the both of you done?” Kyuhyun turned lazily to glance at Henry, who was trembling while his bangs were covering his eyes. “Not yet. Wanna join?”
The other male had given Kyuhyun a smack on the arm, his face red. He had pulled the blankets up to cover himself from Henry, whilst Kyuhyun didn’t bother to do so. At least the other male had the decency to cover himself.
With his blanket.
This is the last straw.
“Get out.”
Kyuhyun didn’t care, as he lay back onto the bed and closed his eyes. The other male, glared at his attitude. “Relax, Sungmin. Leave him alone.” Sungmin, the apparent name of the other guy, shook his arm persistently. “Get up! We’re intruding on something here!”
Henry’s face darkened at the sight of Kyuhyun’s laid back attitude. “I mean it, Cho Kyuhyun. Get the fuck out of my house, right now!” Sungmin looked a little shocked, while Kyuhyun only opened his eye.
“Don’t force me to do the extreme. This is my house; I won’t allow any more disrespect from you. So either you get the fuck out yourself, or I’ll chase you out.” Kyuhyun looked a little stunned for a moment, before his smirk came back out again.
“What? The tame pussy turned into a fiery wild cat? What can you do to make me move? I’m curious, little mochi.” Sungmin looked disturbed at Kyuhyun’s words, as he hurriedly dressed himself. “Cho Kyuhyun! Get your butt up and get dressed!”
“Shh, baby. He wouldn’t do anything.”
Kyuhyun’s mocking laugh faded away, as Henry’s legs brought him to the kitchen. His eyes were wild, and his fingers were shaking as he went through the contents of the cupboard. His eye caught something, and Henry grabbed it immediately.
He can’t take it any longer; that off hand attitude of Kyuhyun’s. No matter how many times Henry had pleaded, begged, and asked him, Kyuhyun still did it again and again. No more. No more of this nonsense.
His footsteps up the stairs seemed to thunder within his head, and his vision was slightly blurry. What was going to happen now?
Kyuhyun's shocked face pleased him very much. No more of the stupid, condensing smirk he always had on his face. “H-Henry! C-Calm down. No one’s gonna get hurt!” “Let’s just get out of here like he wants!”
Henry felt dizzy. His palms were clammy and he knew he was trembling. There was something; something that he was holding limply in his hands. What was it again? But he had loved it. That item brought fear to Kyuhyun’s proud face.
“Get out. Get the hell out of my house!!” Henry heard a distant voice ring from his ears, as though his own ears were stuffed with thousands of cotton balls. Was he the one that said that? Kyuhyun was hastily picking up and wearing his clothes while Sungmin gathered his items.
Both of them had scuttled out of the room quickly, avoiding Henry as far as they could. The front door opened, and slammed close.
Silence rang in the house like a never ending echo, and the item that Henry was holding slipped onto the ground with a light ‘thud’. His legs were weak, causing him to fall to the ground as well.
“…”
They are gone.
He is gone.
He is gone forever, and he won’t dare to come back anymore. He wouldn’t dare to come back, crawling at his feet whenever he needed help. He wouldn’t come back, bringing back his new fuck buddies.
He wouldn't come back to his heart again.
A smile was blossoming on Henry’s face. No more heartache, no more pain and no more stress. What can be better? Warm liquid fell down from his face, as his body shuddered heavily. No more.
No more.
-
It had been a few days since Kyuhyun had been forced to leave the house along with his boyfriend. Henry had never seen him ever since, not even around his work place. ‘It was the best thing that could happen’ Henry had been repeating in his mind.
But he couldn’t laugh, he couldn’t smile, and there’s this annoying and heavy ache in his heart.
Everyone had been concerned; Henry was a downright mess. Heavy eye bags, messy hair, crumpled uniform; it was a big contrast from the Henry that was usually neat and cheerful a few months ago. Henry had insisted that nothing was alright, smiling at them.
Everyone knew that it was a fake smile, but Henry always got frustrated whenever they had pried too much, so they had left Henry alone wishing that his problem would be solved soon. Especially Zhoumi, who had been upset and stressed for Henry.
“Are you alright?” Donghae had asked, concerned. Henry knew that he should smile and tell Donghae, that everything was alright. But his lips just couldn’t lift up. “…Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”
Donghae grimaced. “Even your voice sounded like a croak. You’re like half dead to me, and everyone else!” Was his voice that bad? Henry looked down onto the floor.
“Hae, leave him alone. Henli, please sort out your problems as soon as possible, alright? I’ll give you a week off paid leave. If there’s anything you need help with, you can always contact me.” Hankyung interrupted Donghae, while he gave a reassurance smile to Henry.
Hankyung and Donghae cared; Henry knew. And he really felt even more bad and guilty for making them worry over him like this.
“…Thanks, gege…”
“Take a good rest, Henli-yah.”
Henry trudged out of the shop, the bell ringing as the door was pulled open. Zhoumi sighed heavily, as he wiped a cup with a cloth slowly. “Is he really alright? Anyone knew what happened?” Everyone had replied a negative reply, as each of them slowly went to do their duties in silence.
With Henry as their youngest new comer into the caffeine shop, the other workers had practically treated him like their own brother. It was no surprise that they would be moody and silent when Henry was like this.
It had been a long time since they had seen Henry’s true smile already, ever since a few months ago.
Siwon especially, didn’t say a word. He kept staring at the door. What had exactly happened? Did Kyuhyun do something again?
“Yah, Choi Siwon!! You’re adding too much coffee beans into the grinder! It’s overflowing!” Hankyung yelled angrily as Siwon continued to space out, the coffee bag in his hands practically empty as the beans poured onto the counter.
-
No one had been his house when he had returned. It was the way how it had used to be; it wasn’t touched at all. Henry curled up tighter, his hands wrapped tightly around.
Since when did it turn out to be like this? All destroyed, bleak and tired.
Kyuhyun wasn’t like this in the start. It wasn’t even like this from the start. Kyuhyun was a different person; he was loving and caring.
He was witty, he loved to play games till 6 in the morning and he sang beautifully. Kyuhyun would always sing for Henry, and Henry would play the violin while he sang songs. It was beautiful moments, and Henry had cherished them.
How did it ever change to this?
Henry had thought he saw something that didn’t belong to him or Kyuhyun in the house. Maybe it was him thinking too much, there was no way he would do that to him, Henry had thought. Kyuhyun had been leaving the house more than usual, claiming that he had to work overtime.
He had never returned till late midnight, and he always slept through the mornings when Henry was awake. And Kyuhyun would be gone by afternoon, and the cycle continues.
Zhoumi had been observing a lot. He knew, but he didn’t know how to tell it to Henry. But when he did, Henry had been disbelieving at first.
It was impossible, it could never happen.
He exclaimed that particular sentence to Zhoumi, Henry remembered. What can he say now? It had happened; it was possible. After Zhoumi had told him about Kyuhyun, Henry couldn’t help but to feel suspicious.
Fights and quarrels were practically what they did every day then, with Henry crying while Kyuhyun stomped out of the house in anger. Everything had gone downhill since then. It wasn’t the first time that Henry had seen him with other people.
It wasn’t the first time that Kyuhyun insisted that he would change as well.
Henry had given up on telling Kyuhyun off then, his heart breaking into smaller pieces each time he saw Kyuhyun coming back home drunk with a girl or a guy. At least they weren’t having sex in his room; Henry comforted himself.
Zhoumi was furious more than anyone else. “Why haven’t you kicked him out of your house yet?! He’s practically a free loader now, and I doubt he thinks that you and he are still a couple. I don’t think that you would still like him anyway.”
He was right. Henry still liked him. Henry still loved it.
Each time when Kyuhyun was suffering a hangover, Henry would prepare pills and his favorite meal. Henry would iron his clothes for him, making sure that they were neat and presentable. Henry would even leave some money for him, just in case Kyuhyun didn’t have any.
It was pathetic.
He shouldn’t love him at all. Kyuhyun was such a bastard, a flirt and a lousy boyfriend. Why can’t Henry just forget about him? Even now, he was still thinking on Kyuhyun. Henry was such a loser.
He was a complete loser.
Henry buried his head in his arms. The scene in his head was replaying over and over again, as Kyuhyun had thrusted into Sungmin’s willing body on his bed. Both of them were clawing on his sheets, their sounds bouncing off his walls.
It was the only boundary that Henry had considered it free of the man that was tormenting him. It was the only place where Henry would shut himself off from Kyuhyun, off from all his worries. But now, everything reminded him off the scandalous act Kyuhyun had etched in.
Henry heaved in greatly, choking while he pulled on his air.
Everything had at least something to remind him of Kyuhyun, everything in his house. It was dirty. Everything is all dirty and tainted. He was dirty as well, for living in this house and breathing in their dirty air.
Scrambling up immediately, Henry clumsily pulled the door open as he covered his mouth with his hands.
He need to wash the dirt off him quickly, if not the dirt might stay on his body. Henry wouldn’t allow it, no more of Kyuhyun plaguing his mind. No more. His skin felt itchy, and his body was restless.
The toilet door was yanked open harshly, as Henry pulled the switch on for the tub and the shower. Water sprayed down immediately, and Henry immediately rubbed his skin raw for the imaginary dirt like a mad man.
It wasn’t coming off. The dirty touches that Kyuhyun had left on him, the air that Kyuhyun had contaminated with in this house. Everything.
Henry scrubbed harder, tears falling down his face in droplets. His skin was already red and painful, but Henry didn’t stop. The dirt, it wasn’t coming off. Henry felt more than dirty; he felt destroyed.
It wasn’t all real, was it? What can he say?
The tub was already overflowing by then. Henry had thrown the shower head carelessly aside. It wasn’t enough. He wasn’t clean enough. Falling into the tub, Henry had left everything else behind.
He was sinking, so low and down that he couldn’t feel the bottom. Everything was blocked out, he couldn’t hear a thing. It was dark and winding, Henry couldn’t see anything neither. He felt numb, he couldn’t move.
The thumping in his heart was getting louder and louder, and Henry felt his brain cutting off from his heart. It was ecstasy; he couldn’t feel anything anymore.
All of a sudden, something grabbed him and pulled him up.
“Henli!! Are you alright?! Why must you do such a thing?!”
Something loud was beside him. Henry couldn’t see, black dots covering most of his vision. Air was returning to him again, back to make him dirty. But Henry couldn’t find the strength to dive back into the heaven he was searching for again.
The lights are glaring. Where was the darkness that Henry had seen just a while ago? It had covered everything Henry didn’t want to see.
“Shit, I need to call the ambulance! Henli, stay with me! Breathe!”
The voice echoed from million miles away. Who was that? It was familiar. Henry knew he had heard it in his life before. His mind was spinning; his vision was getting blurry and colorless.
Darkness. It was coming again.
Henry gladly accepted it, cutting off his mind from the rest of the world then.
-
“His body is weak and slightly underweight, and he seems to be suffering from a light case of depression.” The doctor summarized, checking his clipboard for any missing information while the nurses pushed Henry out.
“He will be placed on a drip, and will be hospitalized for further check up. Meanwhile, I’ll get our hospital’s psychologist to help him out. Please do not hesitate to call me if anything else crops up.” The doctor gave a light smile, and Siwon smiled back uneasily.
His nerves were frazzled.
What if he didn’t visit Henry? Would Henry let himself drown in his bath tub?
His heart had practically stopped when Siwon had thought of that. It wasn’t possible; Henry wouldn’t give up so easily! What had exactly happened?
The door wasn’t locked, Siwon had remembered. The house was silent, and the male had thought that Henry might be sleeping. But there was water leaking out into the hall, and there is the sound of the shower being switched on.
There was a chill down his spine that moment. Siwon immediately rushed to the bathroom, thinking that Henry had spilled some water while he was bathing. But never did he expect that the smaller male had submerged his whole body into his overflowing bathtub facing down.
His heart had skipped a beat, and his body had frozen on the spot. But he had forced his body to move, to pull Henry, to save him. The boy’s eyes were red, sore and faraway as his body automatically took in air for him.
Though, Henry had strangely attempted to close his mouth and reject the air. But he had given up soon after, just letting his body take in air before fainting soon after.
It was a nightmare, it was horrible.
Siwon sighed heavily again. He couldn’t even enter the room Henry was in now, the nurses claiming that he needed his rest. Why haven’t he noticed that Henry had grown thinner? Why didn’t he approach Henry and insisted help even though Henry had rejected it?
Siwon never had the chance to love him ever since Kyuhyun entered his life. And now, he had failed in taking care of him as a friend should.
The workers of the caffeine shop had rushed here immediately too, after Siwon’s monotone and blank call. Zhoumi’s face was red, and he had cried. Hankyung was silent, along with the others.
“…He chased Kyuhyun out.”
Zhoumi had suddenly croaked out, and Siwon had jerked his head to him immediately. Chased him out? Wasn’t it supposed to be a good thing, since it had meant that Henry was moving on and over Kyuhyun finally after those few months?
Tears continued down Zhoumi’s face, as he laid his head on his folded arms. “He had chased Kyuhyun out with a chopper in his hand. But he hasn’t chased Kyuhyun out of his heart yet. That foolish boy still loved that jerk even after his betrayal over and over again.”
Everyone was silent, and Siwon’s breath was caught in his throat.
Half of him just had a good mind to mess Kyuhyun’s face for doing this to Henry, and another half of him just wanted to break. There wasn’t any room for him in Henry’s heart anymore. There was only him and Kyuhyun.
Siwon looked at Henry’s sleeping face through the mirror again, his breath finally escaping his mouth.
Prompt: #095, Drowning
Pairing: Henry/Siwon (One-sided), Henry/Kyuhyun (One sided), Kyuhyun/Sungmin
Rating: PG-13 (Angst, attempted suicide)
Inspired by: No way - Lady Gaga
Type: Long oneshot
Summary: It hurts so much, when you see the person that you love having sex with another person on your own bed. It hurts so much, so much until you would want to die.
-
Cause baby, now that you're caught,
What am I supposed to say?
What's so wrong that what you did,
But I still feel this way.
- No way, Lady Gaga
Henry hesitated. The lift doors opened, and it took him a while before Henry took a step out of the lift. The door to his house was left ajar, as usual. There wasn’t a need for Henry to take out his keys to open the lock every time.
Pushing open the door, Henry tucked his feet out of his shoes.
Again, his shoes were placed untidily. Along with someone else’s shoes. A stranger’s shoes. A deep, shuddering breathe escaped Henry’s lips, as he placed his shoe on the rack.
Stepping into the house shakily, Henry padded across the polished surface of the floor. This was his house; why was he acting as though he was the intruder instead? Henry didn’t really know.
There was a sudden bump, and Henry could hear noises. Who did he bring along again? Henry felt his heart breaking as he climbed the stairs.
“Ohh… More!”
“Mm…You’re so sexy…”
There wasn’t any soul in his room; it was left open and wide. But instead, Henry’s door was left ajar, and most of the noises seemed to be coming from that room. It couldn’t be… Henry’s eyes widened.
“Aahnn… Uhhh!”
“I’m coming… Ugh!”
The door was pushed open, just as the couple had finished with their private act within each other’s body. Henry had seen it, all. And they were on his bed, lying on his blanket, clawing at his pillow, and staining his sheets.
Anger flooded his whole body, like a sudden dam broken. “Are the both of you done?” Kyuhyun turned lazily to glance at Henry, who was trembling while his bangs were covering his eyes. “Not yet. Wanna join?”
The other male had given Kyuhyun a smack on the arm, his face red. He had pulled the blankets up to cover himself from Henry, whilst Kyuhyun didn’t bother to do so. At least the other male had the decency to cover himself.
With his blanket.
This is the last straw.
“Get out.”
Kyuhyun didn’t care, as he lay back onto the bed and closed his eyes. The other male, glared at his attitude. “Relax, Sungmin. Leave him alone.” Sungmin, the apparent name of the other guy, shook his arm persistently. “Get up! We’re intruding on something here!”
Henry’s face darkened at the sight of Kyuhyun’s laid back attitude. “I mean it, Cho Kyuhyun. Get the fuck out of my house, right now!” Sungmin looked a little shocked, while Kyuhyun only opened his eye.
“Don’t force me to do the extreme. This is my house; I won’t allow any more disrespect from you. So either you get the fuck out yourself, or I’ll chase you out.” Kyuhyun looked a little stunned for a moment, before his smirk came back out again.
“What? The tame pussy turned into a fiery wild cat? What can you do to make me move? I’m curious, little mochi.” Sungmin looked disturbed at Kyuhyun’s words, as he hurriedly dressed himself. “Cho Kyuhyun! Get your butt up and get dressed!”
“Shh, baby. He wouldn’t do anything.”
Kyuhyun’s mocking laugh faded away, as Henry’s legs brought him to the kitchen. His eyes were wild, and his fingers were shaking as he went through the contents of the cupboard. His eye caught something, and Henry grabbed it immediately.
He can’t take it any longer; that off hand attitude of Kyuhyun’s. No matter how many times Henry had pleaded, begged, and asked him, Kyuhyun still did it again and again. No more. No more of this nonsense.
His footsteps up the stairs seemed to thunder within his head, and his vision was slightly blurry. What was going to happen now?
Kyuhyun's shocked face pleased him very much. No more of the stupid, condensing smirk he always had on his face. “H-Henry! C-Calm down. No one’s gonna get hurt!” “Let’s just get out of here like he wants!”
Henry felt dizzy. His palms were clammy and he knew he was trembling. There was something; something that he was holding limply in his hands. What was it again? But he had loved it. That item brought fear to Kyuhyun’s proud face.
“Get out. Get the hell out of my house!!” Henry heard a distant voice ring from his ears, as though his own ears were stuffed with thousands of cotton balls. Was he the one that said that? Kyuhyun was hastily picking up and wearing his clothes while Sungmin gathered his items.
Both of them had scuttled out of the room quickly, avoiding Henry as far as they could. The front door opened, and slammed close.
Silence rang in the house like a never ending echo, and the item that Henry was holding slipped onto the ground with a light ‘thud’. His legs were weak, causing him to fall to the ground as well.
“…”
They are gone.
He is gone.
He is gone forever, and he won’t dare to come back anymore. He wouldn’t dare to come back, crawling at his feet whenever he needed help. He wouldn’t come back, bringing back his new fuck buddies.
He wouldn't come back to his heart again.
A smile was blossoming on Henry’s face. No more heartache, no more pain and no more stress. What can be better? Warm liquid fell down from his face, as his body shuddered heavily. No more.
No more.
-
It had been a few days since Kyuhyun had been forced to leave the house along with his boyfriend. Henry had never seen him ever since, not even around his work place. ‘It was the best thing that could happen’ Henry had been repeating in his mind.
But he couldn’t laugh, he couldn’t smile, and there’s this annoying and heavy ache in his heart.
Everyone had been concerned; Henry was a downright mess. Heavy eye bags, messy hair, crumpled uniform; it was a big contrast from the Henry that was usually neat and cheerful a few months ago. Henry had insisted that nothing was alright, smiling at them.
Everyone knew that it was a fake smile, but Henry always got frustrated whenever they had pried too much, so they had left Henry alone wishing that his problem would be solved soon. Especially Zhoumi, who had been upset and stressed for Henry.
“Are you alright?” Donghae had asked, concerned. Henry knew that he should smile and tell Donghae, that everything was alright. But his lips just couldn’t lift up. “…Yeah. Don’t worry about it.”
Donghae grimaced. “Even your voice sounded like a croak. You’re like half dead to me, and everyone else!” Was his voice that bad? Henry looked down onto the floor.
“Hae, leave him alone. Henli, please sort out your problems as soon as possible, alright? I’ll give you a week off paid leave. If there’s anything you need help with, you can always contact me.” Hankyung interrupted Donghae, while he gave a reassurance smile to Henry.
Hankyung and Donghae cared; Henry knew. And he really felt even more bad and guilty for making them worry over him like this.
“…Thanks, gege…”
“Take a good rest, Henli-yah.”
Henry trudged out of the shop, the bell ringing as the door was pulled open. Zhoumi sighed heavily, as he wiped a cup with a cloth slowly. “Is he really alright? Anyone knew what happened?” Everyone had replied a negative reply, as each of them slowly went to do their duties in silence.
With Henry as their youngest new comer into the caffeine shop, the other workers had practically treated him like their own brother. It was no surprise that they would be moody and silent when Henry was like this.
It had been a long time since they had seen Henry’s true smile already, ever since a few months ago.
Siwon especially, didn’t say a word. He kept staring at the door. What had exactly happened? Did Kyuhyun do something again?
“Yah, Choi Siwon!! You’re adding too much coffee beans into the grinder! It’s overflowing!” Hankyung yelled angrily as Siwon continued to space out, the coffee bag in his hands practically empty as the beans poured onto the counter.
-
No one had been his house when he had returned. It was the way how it had used to be; it wasn’t touched at all. Henry curled up tighter, his hands wrapped tightly around.
Since when did it turn out to be like this? All destroyed, bleak and tired.
Kyuhyun wasn’t like this in the start. It wasn’t even like this from the start. Kyuhyun was a different person; he was loving and caring.
He was witty, he loved to play games till 6 in the morning and he sang beautifully. Kyuhyun would always sing for Henry, and Henry would play the violin while he sang songs. It was beautiful moments, and Henry had cherished them.
How did it ever change to this?
Henry had thought he saw something that didn’t belong to him or Kyuhyun in the house. Maybe it was him thinking too much, there was no way he would do that to him, Henry had thought. Kyuhyun had been leaving the house more than usual, claiming that he had to work overtime.
He had never returned till late midnight, and he always slept through the mornings when Henry was awake. And Kyuhyun would be gone by afternoon, and the cycle continues.
Zhoumi had been observing a lot. He knew, but he didn’t know how to tell it to Henry. But when he did, Henry had been disbelieving at first.
It was impossible, it could never happen.
He exclaimed that particular sentence to Zhoumi, Henry remembered. What can he say now? It had happened; it was possible. After Zhoumi had told him about Kyuhyun, Henry couldn’t help but to feel suspicious.
Fights and quarrels were practically what they did every day then, with Henry crying while Kyuhyun stomped out of the house in anger. Everything had gone downhill since then. It wasn’t the first time that Henry had seen him with other people.
It wasn’t the first time that Kyuhyun insisted that he would change as well.
Henry had given up on telling Kyuhyun off then, his heart breaking into smaller pieces each time he saw Kyuhyun coming back home drunk with a girl or a guy. At least they weren’t having sex in his room; Henry comforted himself.
Zhoumi was furious more than anyone else. “Why haven’t you kicked him out of your house yet?! He’s practically a free loader now, and I doubt he thinks that you and he are still a couple. I don’t think that you would still like him anyway.”
He was right. Henry still liked him. Henry still loved it.
Each time when Kyuhyun was suffering a hangover, Henry would prepare pills and his favorite meal. Henry would iron his clothes for him, making sure that they were neat and presentable. Henry would even leave some money for him, just in case Kyuhyun didn’t have any.
It was pathetic.
He shouldn’t love him at all. Kyuhyun was such a bastard, a flirt and a lousy boyfriend. Why can’t Henry just forget about him? Even now, he was still thinking on Kyuhyun. Henry was such a loser.
He was a complete loser.
Henry buried his head in his arms. The scene in his head was replaying over and over again, as Kyuhyun had thrusted into Sungmin’s willing body on his bed. Both of them were clawing on his sheets, their sounds bouncing off his walls.
It was the only boundary that Henry had considered it free of the man that was tormenting him. It was the only place where Henry would shut himself off from Kyuhyun, off from all his worries. But now, everything reminded him off the scandalous act Kyuhyun had etched in.
Henry heaved in greatly, choking while he pulled on his air.
Everything had at least something to remind him of Kyuhyun, everything in his house. It was dirty. Everything is all dirty and tainted. He was dirty as well, for living in this house and breathing in their dirty air.
Scrambling up immediately, Henry clumsily pulled the door open as he covered his mouth with his hands.
He need to wash the dirt off him quickly, if not the dirt might stay on his body. Henry wouldn’t allow it, no more of Kyuhyun plaguing his mind. No more. His skin felt itchy, and his body was restless.
The toilet door was yanked open harshly, as Henry pulled the switch on for the tub and the shower. Water sprayed down immediately, and Henry immediately rubbed his skin raw for the imaginary dirt like a mad man.
It wasn’t coming off. The dirty touches that Kyuhyun had left on him, the air that Kyuhyun had contaminated with in this house. Everything.
Henry scrubbed harder, tears falling down his face in droplets. His skin was already red and painful, but Henry didn’t stop. The dirt, it wasn’t coming off. Henry felt more than dirty; he felt destroyed.
It wasn’t all real, was it? What can he say?
The tub was already overflowing by then. Henry had thrown the shower head carelessly aside. It wasn’t enough. He wasn’t clean enough. Falling into the tub, Henry had left everything else behind.
He was sinking, so low and down that he couldn’t feel the bottom. Everything was blocked out, he couldn’t hear a thing. It was dark and winding, Henry couldn’t see anything neither. He felt numb, he couldn’t move.
The thumping in his heart was getting louder and louder, and Henry felt his brain cutting off from his heart. It was ecstasy; he couldn’t feel anything anymore.
All of a sudden, something grabbed him and pulled him up.
“Henli!! Are you alright?! Why must you do such a thing?!”
Something loud was beside him. Henry couldn’t see, black dots covering most of his vision. Air was returning to him again, back to make him dirty. But Henry couldn’t find the strength to dive back into the heaven he was searching for again.
The lights are glaring. Where was the darkness that Henry had seen just a while ago? It had covered everything Henry didn’t want to see.
“Shit, I need to call the ambulance! Henli, stay with me! Breathe!”
The voice echoed from million miles away. Who was that? It was familiar. Henry knew he had heard it in his life before. His mind was spinning; his vision was getting blurry and colorless.
Darkness. It was coming again.
Henry gladly accepted it, cutting off his mind from the rest of the world then.
-
“His body is weak and slightly underweight, and he seems to be suffering from a light case of depression.” The doctor summarized, checking his clipboard for any missing information while the nurses pushed Henry out.
“He will be placed on a drip, and will be hospitalized for further check up. Meanwhile, I’ll get our hospital’s psychologist to help him out. Please do not hesitate to call me if anything else crops up.” The doctor gave a light smile, and Siwon smiled back uneasily.
His nerves were frazzled.
What if he didn’t visit Henry? Would Henry let himself drown in his bath tub?
His heart had practically stopped when Siwon had thought of that. It wasn’t possible; Henry wouldn’t give up so easily! What had exactly happened?
The door wasn’t locked, Siwon had remembered. The house was silent, and the male had thought that Henry might be sleeping. But there was water leaking out into the hall, and there is the sound of the shower being switched on.
There was a chill down his spine that moment. Siwon immediately rushed to the bathroom, thinking that Henry had spilled some water while he was bathing. But never did he expect that the smaller male had submerged his whole body into his overflowing bathtub facing down.
His heart had skipped a beat, and his body had frozen on the spot. But he had forced his body to move, to pull Henry, to save him. The boy’s eyes were red, sore and faraway as his body automatically took in air for him.
Though, Henry had strangely attempted to close his mouth and reject the air. But he had given up soon after, just letting his body take in air before fainting soon after.
It was a nightmare, it was horrible.
Siwon sighed heavily again. He couldn’t even enter the room Henry was in now, the nurses claiming that he needed his rest. Why haven’t he noticed that Henry had grown thinner? Why didn’t he approach Henry and insisted help even though Henry had rejected it?
Siwon never had the chance to love him ever since Kyuhyun entered his life. And now, he had failed in taking care of him as a friend should.
The workers of the caffeine shop had rushed here immediately too, after Siwon’s monotone and blank call. Zhoumi’s face was red, and he had cried. Hankyung was silent, along with the others.
“…He chased Kyuhyun out.”
Zhoumi had suddenly croaked out, and Siwon had jerked his head to him immediately. Chased him out? Wasn’t it supposed to be a good thing, since it had meant that Henry was moving on and over Kyuhyun finally after those few months?
Tears continued down Zhoumi’s face, as he laid his head on his folded arms. “He had chased Kyuhyun out with a chopper in his hand. But he hasn’t chased Kyuhyun out of his heart yet. That foolish boy still loved that jerk even after his betrayal over and over again.”
Everyone was silent, and Siwon’s breath was caught in his throat.
Half of him just had a good mind to mess Kyuhyun’s face for doing this to Henry, and another half of him just wanted to break. There wasn’t any room for him in Henry’s heart anymore. There was only him and Kyuhyun.
Siwon looked at Henry’s sleeping face through the mirror again, his breath finally escaping his mouth.