the big impact by the smaller slice
I am currently on a break from working life as I have been deemed unhealthy and will be a guinea pig in a few hours time therefore, it might be anxiety that makes me to finally log on to LJ.
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Dressed in my beige peter-pan collared blouse and dark brown straight cut knee length skirt, I was first educated about classification in primary school. The lady was Miss Ong; an unmarried unhappy woman who was possibly going through menopause at that time. I have always suspected that the red palettes in her body are actually blue with a red lightning bolt centralize. She possibly would never have brought chewing gum secretly in her pockets as she passes the immigration.
Miss Ong started out the 'Classification' topic by separating what I have always known as 'animals' into different groups and listing on characteristics that made them good or bad. As if the meaning of my name : 'the light of equality' already had an impact on me, I questioned on how Miss Ong seem to take favour on mammals than of the other groups of supposedly 'animals'. While the class shake their heads slightly in unison when asked if there was anything that they did not understand, my tanned and meaty right hand sprung up, with my red casio reflecting some light on to the chalkboard.
In a quick second, Miss Ong's face projected an expression that makes me wonder if it was a good idea to inquire. I asked her why she listed down more good things about mammals than lets say the reptiles, and she replied that mammals are better because humans are mammals. I proceed to ask if that was a fair answer as I am sure the reptiles have qualities that was even better than us mammals that she might not have listed. She 'shushed' me out and ask me to take my seat. I did not know if I was unhappy with that answer but I knew I continued not understanding her 'adult-style' logic.
Since the talented Miss Ong was our teacher for Mathematics too; she proceed on teaching us 'Percentage' during maths class while using 'Classification' as an example.
She drew a pie chart of the number of kids in class, being ratio out of our race. Since we only had Chinese and Malay pupils in the class, the pie chart was divided by what seems to be two contrasting slice of 'mahjong paper' pie that was cut for a biological and a foster child.
The Malays were made up of a mere 6 percent of the class, and the size of 'our' pie was reminded that we were less worthy as a minority group. Some of the classmates of the 'larger' pie were laughing at us for being small and insignificant in comparison to them.
A silly pathetic boy with a haircut that outlined a bowl made a 'muscle man' gesture and showed a thumbs down hand sign as he sticked out his tongue. I looked over at Miss Ong to get some authoritative help, but was blatantly ignored. I waved my right hand again, and stood up without permission to get her attention. She was certainly not pleased and asked me in a twang of Singlish, "WHAT NOW, ADILLAH?" I asked her why that bowled haircut boy was allowed to behave the way he did and she replied with a sigh that the bigger number it is, the more value that group is. Therefore it was supposedly acceptable if that bad haircut boy felt superior and I should not care as it was reality that the lesser your value the less significant your group was.
I furiously sat down and turned to my table partner who was in the same small number group as me. I slightly shouted; intentionally questioning the wide-eyed girl whether it was my fault that I was born in a small group and does that mean that I would not be significant all my life? Miss Ong heard my conversation but she continued on not caring and proceed in dividing the class by gender. Of course, if I had read 'Sing to the dawn' before that class, I would have interupt with another question.
Through out, Miss Ong was never kind to me. I did not know if it was her way of 'reverse psychology', but she certainly made that academic year unhappy by influencing my art teacher who felt that I was 'disturbed' with morbid un-Barney like art.
Honestly, if i were to walk pass Miss Ong one of these fine glorious day, I would certainly stop her and explain to her how her actions back then had impact on my psychological acceptance of myself making me rock back and forth with a certain kind of identity crisis during those sad period of puberty.
But as one who looks at the glass as 'half full' presently, Miss Ong turned a possible Siti Nurhaliza listener to a fan of Dr Lily Zubaidah Rahim. It was almost a mission not to behave like a bad stereotype of the supposedly small group of people I fall under.
Although I do not turn out to be a valedictorian at NUS with political science honors, I chose a route that I am passionate in, and I think I am not doing that bad for now, and I will try hard to be better than not bad soon. I get proud and happy every once in a while I come by other minorities who achieve their personal dreams and prove their worth alongside the bigger piece of the pie.
Therefore, it was not a surprise that I was online refreshing on my phone while watching channel news asia in the waiting room frantically. I was elated with the results and started to text people in my phonebook who i figured would love some sort of 'happy ending'.
As far as how one could complain on the state of the current destroyed world, I feel blessed to live in an era where once blacks and whites use to not even drink from the fountain to a present time on which a black was elected as president. Most importantly he was significant in my eye not because he is a minority but that he was elected because that a majority percentage of the multi-coloured nation that blacks and whites are equal; Barack Obama was elected into office because the USA felt that he is the best person for the job. For that moment, binary opposition and what divides wrong or right, gay or straight, bad or good did not matter. It certainly was a momentous event even for me being in Singapore and not Grant Park. Whatever the residents of USA political views were; red states or blue states, it was nice watching the United States.
It is questionable, to how long Singapore would take to have such change and acceptance with people like Miss Ong still around. Not about just running the country, perhaps to be enlisted in the navy? I honestly forget what its like to feel proud for my country during national day, for as much as I feel for my country, its doubtful what my country feel about people like me.
May this significant Obama, be not just a saviour, but a great sign towards the right direction. May he continue being an inspiration, and be continually bless.
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Dressed in my beige peter-pan collared blouse and dark brown straight cut knee length skirt, I was first educated about classification in primary school. The lady was Miss Ong; an unmarried unhappy woman who was possibly going through menopause at that time. I have always suspected that the red palettes in her body are actually blue with a red lightning bolt centralize. She possibly would never have brought chewing gum secretly in her pockets as she passes the immigration.
Miss Ong started out the 'Classification' topic by separating what I have always known as 'animals' into different groups and listing on characteristics that made them good or bad. As if the meaning of my name : 'the light of equality' already had an impact on me, I questioned on how Miss Ong seem to take favour on mammals than of the other groups of supposedly 'animals'. While the class shake their heads slightly in unison when asked if there was anything that they did not understand, my tanned and meaty right hand sprung up, with my red casio reflecting some light on to the chalkboard.
In a quick second, Miss Ong's face projected an expression that makes me wonder if it was a good idea to inquire. I asked her why she listed down more good things about mammals than lets say the reptiles, and she replied that mammals are better because humans are mammals. I proceed to ask if that was a fair answer as I am sure the reptiles have qualities that was even better than us mammals that she might not have listed. She 'shushed' me out and ask me to take my seat. I did not know if I was unhappy with that answer but I knew I continued not understanding her 'adult-style' logic.
Since the talented Miss Ong was our teacher for Mathematics too; she proceed on teaching us 'Percentage' during maths class while using 'Classification' as an example.
She drew a pie chart of the number of kids in class, being ratio out of our race. Since we only had Chinese and Malay pupils in the class, the pie chart was divided by what seems to be two contrasting slice of 'mahjong paper' pie that was cut for a biological and a foster child.
The Malays were made up of a mere 6 percent of the class, and the size of 'our' pie was reminded that we were less worthy as a minority group. Some of the classmates of the 'larger' pie were laughing at us for being small and insignificant in comparison to them.
A silly pathetic boy with a haircut that outlined a bowl made a 'muscle man' gesture and showed a thumbs down hand sign as he sticked out his tongue. I looked over at Miss Ong to get some authoritative help, but was blatantly ignored. I waved my right hand again, and stood up without permission to get her attention. She was certainly not pleased and asked me in a twang of Singlish, "WHAT NOW, ADILLAH?" I asked her why that bowled haircut boy was allowed to behave the way he did and she replied with a sigh that the bigger number it is, the more value that group is. Therefore it was supposedly acceptable if that bad haircut boy felt superior and I should not care as it was reality that the lesser your value the less significant your group was.
I furiously sat down and turned to my table partner who was in the same small number group as me. I slightly shouted; intentionally questioning the wide-eyed girl whether it was my fault that I was born in a small group and does that mean that I would not be significant all my life? Miss Ong heard my conversation but she continued on not caring and proceed in dividing the class by gender. Of course, if I had read 'Sing to the dawn' before that class, I would have interupt with another question.
Through out, Miss Ong was never kind to me. I did not know if it was her way of 'reverse psychology', but she certainly made that academic year unhappy by influencing my art teacher who felt that I was 'disturbed' with morbid un-Barney like art.
Honestly, if i were to walk pass Miss Ong one of these fine glorious day, I would certainly stop her and explain to her how her actions back then had impact on my psychological acceptance of myself making me rock back and forth with a certain kind of identity crisis during those sad period of puberty.
But as one who looks at the glass as 'half full' presently, Miss Ong turned a possible Siti Nurhaliza listener to a fan of Dr Lily Zubaidah Rahim. It was almost a mission not to behave like a bad stereotype of the supposedly small group of people I fall under.
Although I do not turn out to be a valedictorian at NUS with political science honors, I chose a route that I am passionate in, and I think I am not doing that bad for now, and I will try hard to be better than not bad soon. I get proud and happy every once in a while I come by other minorities who achieve their personal dreams and prove their worth alongside the bigger piece of the pie.
Therefore, it was not a surprise that I was online refreshing on my phone while watching channel news asia in the waiting room frantically. I was elated with the results and started to text people in my phonebook who i figured would love some sort of 'happy ending'.
As far as how one could complain on the state of the current destroyed world, I feel blessed to live in an era where once blacks and whites use to not even drink from the fountain to a present time on which a black was elected as president. Most importantly he was significant in my eye not because he is a minority but that he was elected because that a majority percentage of the multi-coloured nation that blacks and whites are equal; Barack Obama was elected into office because the USA felt that he is the best person for the job. For that moment, binary opposition and what divides wrong or right, gay or straight, bad or good did not matter. It certainly was a momentous event even for me being in Singapore and not Grant Park. Whatever the residents of USA political views were; red states or blue states, it was nice watching the United States.
It is questionable, to how long Singapore would take to have such change and acceptance with people like Miss Ong still around. Not about just running the country, perhaps to be enlisted in the navy? I honestly forget what its like to feel proud for my country during national day, for as much as I feel for my country, its doubtful what my country feel about people like me.
May this significant Obama, be not just a saviour, but a great sign towards the right direction. May he continue being an inspiration, and be continually bless.