it seems...
that i am going insane again. at least, that's what i like to call my bouts of crippling depression. you see, i don't get out of bed unless i have to. once risen from my slumber i only crave to return. fancy tricks and shiny toys may distract me, but often leave me hollow and bored. even sometimes when i do have an obligation, i still just want to sleep. as an example of my current predicament, i present this story:
for the last several weeks, i found it impossible to make a phone call. not just any phone call admittedly, but one concerning the wreck of my old car. you see, it had been sitting in my driveway for the last month or so and i knew i could get rid of it with a phone call. usually i am the quickest to respond to clutter in my house, but when it was a symbol of my own failing and my lack of responsibility, i couldn't move. i was paralyzed. it really broke me down to the point that i couldn't talk to anybody concerning the hunk of junk in front of my house. i would snap at the slightest provocation and almost missed the opportunity that landed in my lap. my aunt was calling about the car because my uncle in law in law in law or something or other wanted to take it off my hands. he was even willing to pay money for it. i was overjoyed, but no emotion would emerge. i settled on a mere hundred bucks and soon my driveway will be clear. maybe along with it, the weight on my chest, the burden on my shoulders. who knows? all i know is that i severely doubt it. as it stands, i am suprised i am even typing this much.
admittedly, there is a great deal more going on in my head, but that is the easiest example to explain, and the only victory (however minor it may be) that i feel has happened in recent times.
ps - it was my mother's birthday on the 26th and things went perfectly. as my mother will attest, i am not a horrible son. go me...
for the last several weeks, i found it impossible to make a phone call. not just any phone call admittedly, but one concerning the wreck of my old car. you see, it had been sitting in my driveway for the last month or so and i knew i could get rid of it with a phone call. usually i am the quickest to respond to clutter in my house, but when it was a symbol of my own failing and my lack of responsibility, i couldn't move. i was paralyzed. it really broke me down to the point that i couldn't talk to anybody concerning the hunk of junk in front of my house. i would snap at the slightest provocation and almost missed the opportunity that landed in my lap. my aunt was calling about the car because my uncle in law in law in law or something or other wanted to take it off my hands. he was even willing to pay money for it. i was overjoyed, but no emotion would emerge. i settled on a mere hundred bucks and soon my driveway will be clear. maybe along with it, the weight on my chest, the burden on my shoulders. who knows? all i know is that i severely doubt it. as it stands, i am suprised i am even typing this much.
admittedly, there is a great deal more going on in my head, but that is the easiest example to explain, and the only victory (however minor it may be) that i feel has happened in recent times.
ps - it was my mother's birthday on the 26th and things went perfectly. as my mother will attest, i am not a horrible son. go me...