Another day down the drain
So, I am having a crappy day. The only good out of it is that my sister graduated today, but even that made me sad. I went to DTE to see her walk for commencement, and it made me remember my own graduation, and how it was when I was a senior excited about going into the real world. Where have I really gone? I heard a speech from a teacher that is new, and just turned 24 years old. He had mentioned that he was a new teacher, and that it was his first position. I couldn't help but feel somewhat overtaken with emotion because the life lessons he spoke, albeit he was quite young, were very good and somewhat practical. He mentioned that someone told him to ask everyday, "is today better than yesterday?" This is something I am going to start doing to improve my life somewhat. Because I am not happy with my life. There have been countless days with which I don't want to exist because I think that it would make life so much easier. You know, not having one to worry about. But I realize how much it would hurt my parents and my relationship with God, although in all fairness, I haven't been very good to Him in a long time.
I believe today's inequities started when I woke up. Don't get me wrong, it started good. I checked my email and got one from my friend Eric whom I haven't spoken to in awhile and he mentioned to me that he missed me and that he still reveres me as one of his best friends, even though we never talk anymore. He also mentioned that he is going back out with Mike, the guy that cheated on him, lied to him, and hurt him. The guy that made Eric cry while I stayed there to pick up the pieces because I love him very much. They guy that went to jail multiple times because of his immoralities. If Eric ever reads this, no matter what you are my friend and I will try my best to protect you. I don't want you to get hurt again, but your heart cannot be changed. If you love him so, then it is meant to be. He just better know that if he hurts you, I am going after him.
My room mate Chuck and I are social directors of our apartment complex. Together we are supposed to orchestrate events and planning 50/50 so that we get a discount on our rent. This is considered a concession. It seems in the beginning that I wasn't very participative in the events. I had to work, and I was sluggish on putting up flyers. Moreso, Chuck and I got into a heated argument in November because he wanted me to put up a stack of flyers that I thought we were going to put up together. I left them on the table and then got bitched at for 15 minutes until I left. Jeffrey had to go in his car and track me down. I was putting up flyers in the cold rain no coat on and I was miserable. He convinced me to go speak with Chuck and clear the air and we agreed that we should do it 50/50. Unfortunately, now , it doesn't seem that way. For example, starting with April events: April has Easter in it, which is a big to-do with Fox Creek. They wanted us to do a craft, an Easter Egg hunt, and a breakfast. Chuck had to go out of town so I ended up doing it on my own. It turned out great, with the help of my mom. Thanks Mom! Then I had to get the flyer and posters ready for May events. Those events included a car wash, mothers day flower sale, and a bbq, plus a mothers day craft and breakfast at the gate. I made the flyers, and put up 70% of them, no problem. I worked the mothers day craft and cooked breakfast because Chuck was out of town. I worked Breakfast at the gate because Chuck's grandpa who just recently passed, was sick at the time and he was going to go up North to hospice to see him, but didn't he stayed home and I worked the event myself. He did, with the help of Jeffrey however, stuff the bags for me and gather the supplies. I also did the Mother's day craft and breakfast with the kids, as well as the flower delivery. He helped me with the Car wash and the the BBQ was cancelled. So, I guess the question is, where is the 50/50?
The flyers we were supposed to turn in today were so poorly done, I had to spend an hour to fix them up. I couldn't find them, but I ran across other things that hurt my feelings. I found IMs saved on his computer that had my name in them and how much his friends do not like me, or that my friends are trash, and that he doesn't want me to come home sometimes. I don't know what I ever did, but I am really sad. It really hurts my feelings. I guess if it never happened to you, you would never know. Maybe I shouldn't have been where I was, but I needed to know. I wanted to know the truth. If he really didn't want me to find them, then he would have made those private. I think he wanted me to find them in hopes that it would hurt me.
Will is far away and I dont get to see him anymore. He wants me to come visit him, but his life is more complicated than mine. He doesn't have a job, but has a car and a home and goes to clubs and festivals all the time. He also confessed to doing drugs. It is scaring me because I liked him. He was the only one that listened to me and didn't judge. He was nice to me when others werent. But something about him I couldn't trust. I don't know what it is. I just don't feel trusting yet. It's tough, because I do like him.
I need to start finding more friends my age that are going to be good for me. I work with Anton and while I cherish EVERYTHING about him, I am his boss. I think I need to start drawing the line. I think I let things go too far as friends, and I am not important to him anymore. I feel like Im not important to anyone anymore. Its silly. He walks into work and I am really happy, but then I see his other side, and I get really lonely. I feel like I am a troll, and it makes me sadder. It seems to me that my life really has no point. Hopefully someday I will find out where its really going before it is too late.
I believe today's inequities started when I woke up. Don't get me wrong, it started good. I checked my email and got one from my friend Eric whom I haven't spoken to in awhile and he mentioned to me that he missed me and that he still reveres me as one of his best friends, even though we never talk anymore. He also mentioned that he is going back out with Mike, the guy that cheated on him, lied to him, and hurt him. The guy that made Eric cry while I stayed there to pick up the pieces because I love him very much. They guy that went to jail multiple times because of his immoralities. If Eric ever reads this, no matter what you are my friend and I will try my best to protect you. I don't want you to get hurt again, but your heart cannot be changed. If you love him so, then it is meant to be. He just better know that if he hurts you, I am going after him.
My room mate Chuck and I are social directors of our apartment complex. Together we are supposed to orchestrate events and planning 50/50 so that we get a discount on our rent. This is considered a concession. It seems in the beginning that I wasn't very participative in the events. I had to work, and I was sluggish on putting up flyers. Moreso, Chuck and I got into a heated argument in November because he wanted me to put up a stack of flyers that I thought we were going to put up together. I left them on the table and then got bitched at for 15 minutes until I left. Jeffrey had to go in his car and track me down. I was putting up flyers in the cold rain no coat on and I was miserable. He convinced me to go speak with Chuck and clear the air and we agreed that we should do it 50/50. Unfortunately, now , it doesn't seem that way. For example, starting with April events: April has Easter in it, which is a big to-do with Fox Creek. They wanted us to do a craft, an Easter Egg hunt, and a breakfast. Chuck had to go out of town so I ended up doing it on my own. It turned out great, with the help of my mom. Thanks Mom! Then I had to get the flyer and posters ready for May events. Those events included a car wash, mothers day flower sale, and a bbq, plus a mothers day craft and breakfast at the gate. I made the flyers, and put up 70% of them, no problem. I worked the mothers day craft and cooked breakfast because Chuck was out of town. I worked Breakfast at the gate because Chuck's grandpa who just recently passed, was sick at the time and he was going to go up North to hospice to see him, but didn't he stayed home and I worked the event myself. He did, with the help of Jeffrey however, stuff the bags for me and gather the supplies. I also did the Mother's day craft and breakfast with the kids, as well as the flower delivery. He helped me with the Car wash and the the BBQ was cancelled. So, I guess the question is, where is the 50/50?
The flyers we were supposed to turn in today were so poorly done, I had to spend an hour to fix them up. I couldn't find them, but I ran across other things that hurt my feelings. I found IMs saved on his computer that had my name in them and how much his friends do not like me, or that my friends are trash, and that he doesn't want me to come home sometimes. I don't know what I ever did, but I am really sad. It really hurts my feelings. I guess if it never happened to you, you would never know. Maybe I shouldn't have been where I was, but I needed to know. I wanted to know the truth. If he really didn't want me to find them, then he would have made those private. I think he wanted me to find them in hopes that it would hurt me.
Will is far away and I dont get to see him anymore. He wants me to come visit him, but his life is more complicated than mine. He doesn't have a job, but has a car and a home and goes to clubs and festivals all the time. He also confessed to doing drugs. It is scaring me because I liked him. He was the only one that listened to me and didn't judge. He was nice to me when others werent. But something about him I couldn't trust. I don't know what it is. I just don't feel trusting yet. It's tough, because I do like him.
I need to start finding more friends my age that are going to be good for me. I work with Anton and while I cherish EVERYTHING about him, I am his boss. I think I need to start drawing the line. I think I let things go too far as friends, and I am not important to him anymore. I feel like Im not important to anyone anymore. Its silly. He walks into work and I am really happy, but then I see his other side, and I get really lonely. I feel like I am a troll, and it makes me sadder. It seems to me that my life really has no point. Hopefully someday I will find out where its really going before it is too late.