(no subject)
title: eat drink man woman
summary: donghae flails about a lot and kibum knows exactly how to deal with him, but still.
a/n: Have I ever written kihae before? I don’t think so. Also, I was watching a movie uh yeah that's where the title came from at two in the morning and then this just came to me randomly and I was all “OH THIS WILL BE BRILLIANT.” and proceeded to type it up in about fifteen minutes. It’s short and not really brilliant, like, at all, the end!
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“Oh my god,” Donghae whined, throwing himself on the bed in complete disregard for Kibum’s papers spread out on the bedspread, “Oh my god, am I retarded? Why did I think this was a good idea? WHY?”
Kibum sighed and watched business papers on upcoming mergers float to the floor and he knew from an abundance of experience that he was not going to get any more work done that evening. “What are you talking about?”
Donghae whimpered and squirmed halfway into Kibum’s lap before changing his mind about that course of action and going completely limp. “My job, Kibum, it’s only the biggest thing ever and I screwed it up.”
Kibum patted him on the head all nice and understandingly, “Alright, you’re still not making any sense.”
Donghae squirmed some more, shifting and elbowing Kibum plenty of times before settling with his chin against Kibum’s thigh and an arm thrown across Kibum’s lap. “I blame you.” He sulked, pouting and feeling sorry for himself. “You’re the one with common sense and the freakishly high IQ, you should have told me.”
Should have told you what, Kibum would ask if he didn’t already know that it was the biggest lost cause, ever. Donghae huffed and squirmed some more, except now it was kind of uncomfortable in that high school teenager hormones sort of way, what with Donghae’s arm in his lap, so Kibum (reluctantly, but only a little bit, because if he jumped Donghae now, Donghae would whine about whatever the hell he was upset about all through the night and about how you don’t really love me Kibummie, you’re just using me for sexual gratification, otherwise you’d listen to my PROBLEMS and - and - AND AND AND AND I HATE YOU - ) shoved Donghae off the bed instead. He’d only whine about that for a few seconds, it was a rather beneficial trade off.
“Kibuuuuuum.” Donghae whimpered from the floor, “Kibuuuuuuum, don’t you love me anymore, why are you pushing me off of beds?”
“While you’re down there,” Kibum said lightly, “Could you hand me that paper under your head?”
“D: KIBUM, BABY, I’M HURT BY YOUR INDIFFERENCE.”
Kibum sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. “You were talking about work, Hae, what about your job, what’s so horrible?”
“Ah!” Donghae sat up, completely over the bed shoving incident in an instant, “Right, so it’s an all-girls school, Kibummie. An all-girls school. Girls grope you and say it’s an accident and don’t get accused of sexual harassment afterwards. Trust me, I know this now.”
“…and why did you even apply for a teaching position at an all-girls school, exactly?”
Donghae shrugged, “I was just trying to get my resumé out to whoever I could, it didn’t really hit me until now that I could actually work there. I thought it’d be illegal. Or something?”
There was a long moment of silence as Kibum struggled over figuring out what he wanted to say or if he wanted to say anything at all or maybe even if he wanted to ask a question and, if so, which question out of the many possibilities.
“Sucks for you.” Kibum finally deadpanned.
“YES EXACTLY, AND DON’T THINK I CAN’T HEAR THAT SARCASM KIM KIBUM.”