Worst dream ever.
Last night I had the worst dream I have ever had. Bearing in mind I have re-occurring nightmares about my trip to Northern Ireland that wake me up in a cold sweat I think that I really mean this was a bad dream.
I watched Gabe fall 10+ stories to his death and could do nothing about it. I thought it was really happening. I don't think the Northern Ireland nightmares will ever come back again after last night, simply because what happens to me on a personal level doesn't mean anything to me as long as I know Gabe, Ava and Beth are ok.
I don't know why the building we were in had no railings on the inside. I don't know why neither Beth nor I were with him. All I know was I saw him walking, looking at me, smiling then turning and losing his balance. Then he goes over the side like a rag doll. No screaming, no crying, he just falls down and hits a shallow pool as I run to the edge of my floor around the corner from him.
That's the beginning of the dream.
After this I'm so crushed I think time breaks down. I find myself bent over being sick. Then I'm in Beth's arms and we're just losing it. Then, and I don't know why, but I think of Ava and realise she's never been a part of what has happened and I begin to realise that I am dreaming.
Then I realise that Gabe looked about a year old, was wearing this exact outfit (see below) and is just learning to walk. His hair is the same, his wobbly mannerisms are the same and his face is the same.
I feel physically sick and my heart breaks just thinking about it and all I want to do is go home and hold him. I never want to feel like this in reality, feeling like this because of a dream is painful enough.
On a good side, I cut Gabe's 70's Farrah Fawcett side locks off. he now has a short back and sides and looks very english... except for the bit at the I fucked up when the buzzing clippers tickled his neck. So I fucked it up on the opposite side to keep balance. Check Facebook tonight for his much more manly look.
I watched Gabe fall 10+ stories to his death and could do nothing about it. I thought it was really happening. I don't think the Northern Ireland nightmares will ever come back again after last night, simply because what happens to me on a personal level doesn't mean anything to me as long as I know Gabe, Ava and Beth are ok.
I don't know why the building we were in had no railings on the inside. I don't know why neither Beth nor I were with him. All I know was I saw him walking, looking at me, smiling then turning and losing his balance. Then he goes over the side like a rag doll. No screaming, no crying, he just falls down and hits a shallow pool as I run to the edge of my floor around the corner from him.
That's the beginning of the dream.
After this I'm so crushed I think time breaks down. I find myself bent over being sick. Then I'm in Beth's arms and we're just losing it. Then, and I don't know why, but I think of Ava and realise she's never been a part of what has happened and I begin to realise that I am dreaming.
Then I realise that Gabe looked about a year old, was wearing this exact outfit (see below) and is just learning to walk. His hair is the same, his wobbly mannerisms are the same and his face is the same.
I feel physically sick and my heart breaks just thinking about it and all I want to do is go home and hold him. I never want to feel like this in reality, feeling like this because of a dream is painful enough.
On a good side, I cut Gabe's 70's Farrah Fawcett side locks off. he now has a short back and sides and looks very english... except for the bit at the I fucked up when the buzzing clippers tickled his neck. So I fucked it up on the opposite side to keep balance. Check Facebook tonight for his much more manly look.